Men, opinions please.. .... When a man cheats on his wife ....?

Question

in a drunken one-night stand, how long does the man actually still think or dwell on this other woman? Does he think about hooking up with her again?

Flagger_guy -- He is a guitarist in a rock band that plays on weekends. He went to an "after gig" party, one in which two of my best friends were at and witnessed his "act", so to speak. I have many questions running through my mind, including whether or not to let on that I know about it.

Answer 1

Your string of questions totally misses the point. You have yet to say how you found out. Did he come in and tell you later, did you walk in on them, what? There are some undeniable truths here. No one does anything drunk they have not considered sober. Drunk only removes the inhibitions. You are concerned whether he is dwelling on her. This issue should not be in your mind right now. You should be wondering if you want to keep him. That has to do with what he is doing. You need to determine that 1. He recognizes this as a mistake. 2. He asks for your forgiveness. 3. He explains that it will never happen again. 4. How he will insure that it will never happen again 5. What your recourse will be if it does happen again.
You cannot even consider keeping him around unless he answers these questions. To do otherwise makes you a doormat.
The other woman is not the issue its his attitude toward you.
Top of the list here is why it happened in the first place. to use alcohol as an excuse means he is still blaming something else and not taking responsibility. Secondly if he cannot control himself while drinking he needs to stop drinking before he kills one of us on the highway.
Follow Up-
Forget about the other chick. You have some serious problems with a husband who is having indescriminate sex in a room of people. Tell him that you know. Tell him today. Do not tell himhow you know. He probably will know already if he knows your friends and wasn't too busy to notice. Take him to task for this behavior and find out soon what the hell he thought he was doing. Is your marriage worth more than the rock and roll lifestyle? If so he'd better straighten up quick. That behavior is not acceptable. He's a lowlife and he's making you one by association. Take the offence here or you are doomed to have this repeated.

Answer 2

Depends

Usually when you drink you do not change you only feel comfortable doing what you want to do without guilt. So if he cheated he MAY do it again. In this case he prob thinks about her, but probably wont see her again, but does not mean he will not find someone else when he is drunk again.

On the other hand, everyone fantasizes about someone else, but not everyone acts upon it. While being blind drunk one does not consider the repercussions of ones actions, they just live in the moment. So this person could have had a momentary lapse in judgement and pursued an activity without much thought.

What will determine the outcome is how he told you or how you found out. If he confessed to the action without you suspecting something and very soon (hour/days) after he committed the action, then he is sorry for his action and probably wont do it again.

If he suspected that you may have already found out and he confessed (days/weeks) then he was thinking about trying to get away with it - he probably won’t do it again - but watch him.

If you confronted him (days/weeks after the event) then he was not going to confess and was trying to get away with it - he will most likely try it again.

Remember that guys or girls will seek out others only if they are not getting something at home. That could mean sex, attention, tenderness, passion, kinky stuff, communication. There are a variety of reasons that someone will choose to stray. The goal is to be a one-stop shop for each other and provide each other with anything that each other needs. At one point every relations is a one-stop shop and your significant other is perfect and the relationship does not take effort. But that does not last long; the goal is to keep it a one-stop shop regardless of effort. Keep you significant other happy and they will keep you happy.

If not – if you do everything for him and he does little in return – it means that he will cheat no matter what and this instance is not the first time – only the first time he was caught.

Answer 3

From experience, I still dwell on it, sort of. It pops into my mind about once every two or three days. And the memory is of how TERRIBLE it felt to betray my wife. I cannot speak for your husband, but I know it feels horrible.

And, FYI, the "I was drunker than hell and she threw it at me" story is exactly what happened to me and I have NO reason to lie to you. It was a mistake for me and I totally regret it. He could very well be telling you the truth.

Answer 4

Using alcohol as an excuse is the lamest EVER!

I have gotten pretty darn drunk before, and the only way I would be that messed up would be if I was passed out, and then I would'nt be able to cheat, anyway.

Sounds like a cheating loser.....

Answer 5

men are horrible creatures when they do this to women ! i know it hurts and you would really like to know what he is thinking , but just get on with your life and try not to worry yourself over it ! and after all women will never work a man out !

and by the sounds of things your still with him darling ! my partner i now has never cheated on me and i know he would'nt regardless wetha drunk or not !

ive been drunk out with the girls loads, and have had plenty of offers and ive always said no! because i have a man waiting at home for me ! its not hard to say the word NO !!!! unless you let temptation take over

Answer 6

No. He feels very bad and wishes he could take it back. Or some men who are intentionally cheating go back to her. Those who made a mistake, tend not to make the same mistake twice. Those who have a good thing going. Keep Going.

Answer 7

Why are you blaming the alcohol? If it's not within him to cheat then he wouldn't. The fact that he did cheat is what you should be addressing. Yes....he will do it again if the opportunity presents itself and he'll blame the alcohol because he can get away with it.

Answer 8

I'm starting to wonder which role you play in this......?

If you are the wife.......get a life, a new one.

If you are the one who slept with a drunken married man, shame on you.

If you are the husband, pack your S***, and find a new place to live.

Answer 9

Here is the thing. If you know, and he knows you know then you have to make him pay for it big time if you want him to stay with you.

If he is willing to do anything to stay with you then you might have a chance. But you have to make it not worth it to do it again.

If you let him off easy then he will definately do it again because he knows he can get away with it.

Answer 10

If he did it in a drunken one night er, what is going to stop him from doing it again and blaming the alcohol!