Problem with our nanny... what should I do?

Question

My husband and I found a woman with excellent references and 18 years of experience to take care of our 7 months old daughter. I even talked to a young adult that was raised by her. But we're having a lot of communication problems and I'm wondering if we should change or not.
Yesterday I went to pick up my daughter a little earlier than usual and she was gone. she wasn't even answering her cell phone. I waited 1 hour in front of her house crying like a baby. I was real close to call the cops when she came back. She kinda yelled at me for crying and not trusting her. She made me fell guilty by showing me my daugther safely secured in a car seat and smiling. But I was really worried and think that she should have told me that she was going somewhere. I feel that she is not respecting my feelings as a first time mother.
what do you think? I am worried to be worse off if I switch to someone else or that my daughter will not handle well the changes so young.

I have very interesting comments... thanks a lot!
I'm still not sure what I should do though... I'll definitely talk to her and explain myself. Myabe I need to work on my anxiety also...
Anyway...

Answer 1

Babies bounce back wonderfully with changes.
However you are the mother and shold thusly decide what is right for your peace of mind and your child.
Your nanny should always call you if she is leaving and taking your child anywhere with her, its a common courtesy.
Grant it she may think you dont trust her, but trust is EARNED.
Her past employers may have trusted her to a "T", but you and she are new to each other and this trust and confidence must be earned.
You and your husband need to set down with her and explains your concerns to her, if she complies, not just with words but actions as well, then all should b well.
However if she complies with words but does not follow up with actions, I would begin searching for a new nanny.
Never leave your child with someone you do not trust.

Answer 2

Do you really want someone to call you every time she is going to leave the house with your daughter? I know it is scary to have to leave your little one with someone else, but you are going to have to put some trust in her. Perhaps she did not hear her phone, or she was in a place where she did not have reception. I would be happy that she is taking your daughter places, rather than just sitting at home with her.
I would have a talk with her. Did she really "yell" at you, or was she perhaps just exasperated? If she yelled, that is really not an appropriate response to a concerned mother. But she may have just felt that you were overreacting, and was a little frustrated at your panic. Perhaps a discussion with her would clear the air, and help you both by setting some guidelines.
Your daughter is 7 months old, and is approaching peak separation anxiety time. If this is the only problem you have had, I would keep the nanny. If your daughter feels secure and loved with her, don't make a change now.

Answer 3

Kids deal with change just fine, its our emotions that we project on them that makes it difficult. They only react to our reations of the situation. So switching nannies is no problem for the child, just for you and your perception of how your child deals with it.

Second, as a nanny myself (been a few years but nothing changes in this line of work), running errands with the child in your care is one of those things thats an unspoken thing accepted by the parents. The nanny is a replacement for mom, not a school teacher. That said, she goes about the daily routine, with your child as part of it.

If you dont want her out driving with your infant, or if you have problems with her not answering her cell phone, you need to address those problems to her.

Nanny's just fill in the gap, the parent lays out the boundries of that gap. Most nannies will not take on a job that requires them to be at their home, or the childs home all day, that would be a day care provider, or a sitter. That is not what a nanny is. You have to communicate with her what you're expecting from her.

In her mind, she is simply raising his child in your absence, functioning the same way you would if you were a stay at home mom. You'd run to the store, or to the park, or to do some shopping, pay bills, that sort of thing.

All that said, you know she's a good nanny, you have proof in the flesh. What would bother me, having been a nanny myself, is that she didnt step up to the plate and bring running errands up to a first time mother. Most nannies know that first time mothers are a completely different breed that say, a mother of three, who's been there done that, and is providing the best she can while trying to survive.

First time moms are panicky, and she should have anticipated that, and done you the service of mentioning in the begining that she runs errands sometimes during the day. I'd discuss it with her. Maybe even see if she can just leave you a message when she's going out.

Answer 4

She should have comforted you and told you that she's keeping your daughter safe, then apologized for not answering her phone. There's no way for you to guess if she's at the store or an emergency room, of course you'll worry. There's no harm in starting to look for a new nanny, that way if there's another problem of Anykind you've got some numbers and ideas right away. Your daughter is probably still to young for the fear of strangers so this wouldn't be a bad time to switch or sometime soon. Just get her used to any one new with a few short visits. Good luck

Answer 5

you are the child's parent! 1 hour of not being able to get ahold of the nanny is in excusable! I would have cried as well! If she can't respect you as a parent then she probably isn't going to respect your child either. You should tell her how you feel and if you continue to feel upset find a new nanny. I'm sure there are other people out there who can do just as good of a job.

Answer 6

Seems like she has control issues. Go with your gut instincts about this woman. I say get someone else who is more understanding and respectful of your feelings. Also, since you did show up early and she wasn't there, that seems okay, but she should have answered her cell. Try not to be overly sensitive about your child. Many parent are too protective, but again, go with your instincts. Never be afraid to make changes. Children are very resilient.

Answer 7

That's a tough call. I do think that nannies need to know who is in charge; however, you don't want to scare off or fire a good one. Do you trust her? Are you just upset that you didn't know she was leaving? Figure out for sure what's bothering you and construct a plan to avoid that in the future, and make sure you talk to her in a respectful manner, while letter her know that she hurt your feelings.

Answer 8

I believe you are a bet overwhelmed because this is your first child....Dont give any to soon because this could be the best to take care of your child. If there were problems you would have known before, so ust put trust in her and if you see repeat problems then yeah consider someone else.

Answer 9

Maybe sit the Nanny down and tell her your concerns before letting her go. Technically you are her boss, so she should respect your wishes. If she still gives you trouble, then I think finding someone else would be suitable. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

I don't totally understand your story here, but, if you have any doubts whatsoever about the person caring for your child, then find someone else immeidately. There are too many perverts out there.