I have been dating my current boyfriend for 15 months, everthing is great, and we are real happy, he has his own house, and i rent, we spend every night together at either home, i have not spoken about living together before until the other day, when i mentioned it to him beacuse a couple of friends who had been dating only 3 months have just moved in together, i think it would be cool to live with him, he said 'he had never asked any of his girlfriends to move in, and doesnt really like the idea' so ok, begining to think maybe there is something wrong with me! as my previous boyfriend of 6 years never mentioned once about living together, dumped me and brought a house with his new girlfriend 6 months afterwards. whats the deal??
2006-09-05 03:30:35 · 23 answers · asked by pink 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It's a big step to take. Some people are scared - even of themselves.
2006-09-05 03:34:20 · answer #1 · answered by solo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could be a lot of things. Basically it's probably the guys you are dating. After 15 months if you are a guy and really interested in and mature enough to understand what makes life really great (being in a committed relationship) the subject of marriage or living together will come up here and there in conversation, even if it's a "what if". So you have friends who have moved in together after 3 months? Well they weren't so available. The guy thinks to himself that he would really like to be part of her life. What reason does your guy have to change anything. He's got a place to retreat to, has you and doesn't have to work on the inevitable things that living together bring. No emotional depth neccesary. Back off from him a bit, go out with some friends and he will come a running. When he does say that you are interested in a life together and what needs to be done to make that happen. If he balks move on and you will find the guy who truly loves you. It's hard to explain. I am lucky enough to have waited, found that great person and we are moving in together after 2 months. Email if you like.
2006-09-05 11:15:12 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It probably isn't you - not in the way you mean. There isn't something wrong with you.
But I get the feeling that these guys have it too easy with you and you are not setting your standards high enough. The first one used you until someone he really felt better with (or who required more) cam along. The second one sounds like he won't do commitment.
It is your self-doubt that is probably causing the problem. WHen you believe that you are worth more, and start to behave as if that is what you believe and expect, you will attract a man who is ready to meet you on those terms and will respect you for it.
And don't be dependent. If you need these blokes to feel OK about yourself (as your comparison with other people suggests) do something to change that. Saying "NO" to what you don't really want might be a part of that. Being willing to wait until someone comes along who really is special to you, and who makes you know that you are really special to him. Be willing to be on your own for a while if that is what it takes. You are worth it. Let the world know that YOU know you are worth it.
2006-09-05 10:50:23 · answer #3 · answered by jon2901 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe the knew guy just wants to wait till he gets confortab le with it after all you wouldnt want to be put under presure about anything either so id let him decide. maybe hes just waiting for the right time and he wants to make sure your the right one. lots of girls and boys move in together within 3 months to a year but do you think they really love each other no they dont more then half move out within the first year. moving in with eachother doesnt make a different, i wouldnt rush into something like that its a big step. take things slow. i dont think thiers nothing wrong with you. do you keep a clean house,cook and have a good enviroment. then dont worry so much. dont rush your life let the other people make mistakes thats them your you
2006-09-05 10:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by angel eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A difficult one to answer on the basis of too many variables, but the most likely answer is that you have experienced separate and co-inicidental rejections in this regard.
The ex-boyfriend you mention most likely was already looking/had already found his new girlfriend at the end of your relationship, ended it with you to be with her and because he found a level of love with her didn't find with you he was prepared to move in with the new girlfriend where he wasn't prepared to do so with you. (I know that sounds hard and critical of you, but it isn't - it merely means that you and he weren't right for each other, whereas he and his current girlfriend were/are).
In terms of your current boyfriend, it just sounds like a commitment issue, but that may simply be because he might consider a year and a quarter too short a time to commit to living with someone. If you are still with him at two years and he still doesn't want to live with you then he may have a more deeper underlying problem, but at fifteen months you have time to be patient with him. If you are the one for him and he for you then you will end up living together, without question, but (to coin a phrase) you can't hurry love.
2006-09-05 10:40:22 · answer #5 · answered by a1mandrake 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"No boyfriend every wants to live with you"....come on now, you sound really thirsty and juvenile. So they don't want to live with you, what's the big deal? You want to live with your boyfriend because your friends are doing it? Well what works for them may not work for you. Keep your own, and be happy knowing that you can leave whenver you want. Living with another person, especially a significant other, is not about fun and games all the time it's a real responsibility. Stop being so desperate to do what everyone else is doing.....do what works for your relationship.
2006-09-05 10:40:01 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, maybe you throw off signs as needy and clingy which will scare anyone away. Why do you want to rush something like this. Think of it this way...you are young, do you really want to start living with someone now. Wait till your married or engaged. Have some freedom for yourself. Don't worry about things like that, enjoy the relationship that you have and have fun together!
2006-09-05 10:53:17 · answer #7 · answered by Kit Katt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be you, but it doesn't sound like it. You need to ask him the question "what is it about a girlfriend moving in with you that you don't like?". If you can get an answer to that, you will be a long way down the road to discovering if he is the right person you should be settling down with.
2006-09-05 11:07:38 · answer #8 · answered by Philanthropic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are probably just unlucky! its all a nice thought living togeather ! but beleave me , its not that g8t after a while ! look at your parents for example! they may well love each other very much, but they are probably bored s*itless of each other ! take your time enjoying each others company! instead of worrying wetha or not its you they don't want! he may not feel the need to move in with you ! hes probably comfortable with the way things are right now ! chill out , or you will scare him away
2006-09-05 10:38:08 · answer #9 · answered by sweets 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some guys are frightened of committment ... some of the girl they're committing to ...
Maybe you leave too many pairs of dirty knickers lying on the bedroom and bathroom floor and the guys don't want that in a girl ... they want their mummy who will tidy up, do the laundry, cook meals and pander to their every need (well, almost every need!)
2006-09-05 11:54:48 · answer #10 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he's been living on his own for a while then he's found his comfort zone and is safe in the knowledge that he still has a choice of independance.
it's possible he's concerned that if you do make this commitment your happy existence will turn into an endless dispute of who pays the bills and whos turn it is to do the washing up xx
2006-09-07 15:29:18 · answer #11 · answered by Girl From Mars 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋