My son is 20 and living at home and in college and does not work cause since his college is full time I thought it was best .He has about 14 months to go .It has been so expensive and everytime he has a issue in his life its the same thing .He will tell me he is failing in school ect.But it always turns out he is doing fine,Kinda like pushing my buttons,He is at is again and so I told him I thought he should get a job.He went on to say he thinks he has depression and doesnt even know if he can work and worrys he will be homeless and said he didnt know what he would do if that happened as in suicide.I am so angry! I told him he needs counseling to help.He just says I will get help if I need it.I am at witts end! worried mom
2006-09-05 03:22:05 · 11 answers · asked by jessy 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Insist that he get at least a part-time job. Discuss the possible number of hours that he would be able to work per week, and make sure that he sticks to it. Many on-campus jobs offer very flexible hours. Set clear boundaries on what you will and will not pay for. Tuition, books, and other school related things...fine. Gas and cash so that he can visit his friends...not OK. Also, insist that he go to counseling. Most colleges offer mental health services for little or no money per visit. Tell him that as long as he keeps up his end of the agreement, you will help him out, but be firm when it comes to paying for non-college related things. He is playing you for all that you are worth, and some people just don't want to grow up and accept responsibility until they are forced to do so. I hate to say it, but if he refuses to help you out when you ask him to, you may need to kick him out. Chances are that he will come back after a while and be much more accepting of your rules and requests. Good luck, honey.
2006-09-05 03:48:09 · answer #1 · answered by GeauxLSU 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Insist that he go see a doctor and then if your Son is ok, checks out good then, you will know that he is pushing all the wrong bottuns. If he will not go see a Doctor, then you can't make him. He is almost grown. Let him live and learn a bit. Maybe even learn some hard lessons. Of course be there for him as any parent would be. seems you have been. Then tell that Boy of your's to finish college. Ask him if he likes colloge. Set down and have a talk with him and just tell him that this is hurting you what he is pulling. Just let him know that you are always here for him if he needs to talk to you about girls, college, anything. Then I'm afraid that you will have to let him grow up a bit on his own. He'll be ok Mom.
2006-09-05 03:39:26 · answer #2 · answered by SecretUser 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son is 20. He's not your little boy anymore. If you don't let him grow up, he won't grow up. There is a point when he needs to take responsibility for himself, even if he makes a train wreck of his life. That's how some people (a lot of guys) learn. He is still living in a mindset that mommy is going to take care of me, whereas he needs to become his own man. Cut him loose. Let him know that you love him, but don't let him live at home, don't give him money, don't pay for counselling sessions. Let him find his way in life. If he comes back and gets serious about pursuing an education and a career, then help him with that but don't do it for him. And for crying out loud, worry never fixed anything in the history of the world. It's only gonna make you sick! Pray and turn him over to God instead. That makes a whole lot more sense.
2006-09-05 03:35:02 · answer #3 · answered by firebyknight 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's a kid and he's gotten this far by knowing how to pull your chain. He is nearly 21 and you should start preparing for the day that he will leave home permanently. Your influence in his life is waning and his peers mean everything. Once he sees his peers applying for jobs and discussing work after college, he will develop a strong interest in the same thing.
If he does come home after college, be sure that it's not the same as it was before. He should pay room and board, and should be expected to carry himself under house rules. (If he's paying rent, you can't stop him from having a girl in his room, but loud music is another matter.)
This sounds like a normal part of growing up, so let him wear himself out on his "worries." (Don'cha wish you had his "worries"??) He will grow out of it and make you proud in a few years.
2006-09-05 03:32:28 · answer #4 · answered by pvreditor 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, Counselling is required at this moment. If not done soon, it will take a long time to heal or come out of it. Its his right age too to get counselling done. When he grows he will be having more responsibilities in life. He would be dependent not only on you (mother) but on everyone in all walks of life. It further leads to inferiority complex & I think its his age to enjoy life & explore himself in different categories like study, work, enjoy with friends, etc. He might also lose interest in life if he doesnt come out of it now. He will always feel low n inferior in front of everyone. He would not go out. He wud always want to sit at home that too alone.
2006-09-05 03:52:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is a difficult one and it appears that you have probably contributed greatly to the situation, you firstly say that you told him not to work as you thought it was best, you are now saying he should get a job, you must allow your son to grow up and not be such a controlling parent, remember people only learn by making mistakes.
2006-09-05 09:05:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Your son has taken life very easily. For once just force him to go out and take up a part-time job. Also if required - pretend that you are not feeling well and not doing in your job as well. Also tell him that soon the income is diminishing and shortly theer will be no money left to survive.
2006-09-05 03:31:28 · answer #7 · answered by Sanghrajka 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
your son may or may not need a job right now since he's in college, but he definitely needs to grow up. he probably doesn't have depression, he just doesn't want to work right now. i'm in college and i work, so yeah, i understand that he wouldn't want to work, but he's just wanting you to do everything for him. tell him he needs to start being more responible or when he graduates he will be homeless.
2006-09-05 03:56:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is manipulating you. Determine what your budget for him is and stick to it. If he fails, he fails. Don't be blackmailed by that. If he kills himself, its his choice not yours. Don't be blackmailed by that either. Insist he get into therapy if he is going to continue in school. Most colleges offer free counseling services.
Good luck.
2006-09-05 03:29:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lots of good advice here:
http://www.family.org/
At age 20, it is TIME for him to go out in the world- on his own!
2006-09-05 03:28:42 · answer #10 · answered by Mike R 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋