Do you agree that women who put off childbearing for their self centered reasons deserve to have trouble?

Question

conceiving. I heard on the news about a woman who spent her young years in sports and stuff and decided she was ready to have a baby when she was late 40's and then had to use an fertility treatment or something because she had trouble conceiving. What do they expect. They had plenty of years to have children but chose to put other stuff first so I say they deserve what they get. Most of these women could have married earlier and had children but decided to put it off for more important things. They are very selfish giving their young years to sports or a career and then burdening their children with their old age when the children are still teenagers.

Answer 1

Why is it "selfish" and worthy of punishment to delay having a child until you are more mature, know you're in a stable relationship, have enough money to support the child, and have a start on a career? All too many people have children they can't support properly, or too many of them, which puts a burden on the rest of us taxpayers. For that matter, why have children at all? We can't support the population growth we have indefinitely.

Answer 2

It is possible some might be or have been selfish, but I don't think anyone deserves additional trouble conceiving. I chose to go ahead and have mine younger because I know of things that run in my family if I don't, and also because a life of having the kids when I was older did not seem like a good idea. But that doesn't mean I deserved a better time conceiving than someone who might already have had less fertility in the first place. Seriously, many women know without realizing it if they are not as fertile and/or maternal, so it is probably a blessing for the children that the ones who wait...do wait.

Answer 3

Wow! Perhaps you are just the tinsiest bit judgemental. I think your point is that women who made a decision or have had different priorities then you deserve bad things to happen to them. There are plenty of good reasons for wanting to wait to have a child. One could innumerate many reasons why women who decide to have children early on deserve to suffer because they selfishly chose to have children before being ready - however, that wouldn't be fair either because the point is that what's right for one woman isn't necessarily right for another. There is no cookie cutter answer - early or late - for every woman. You really should try not to be so judgemental, you will be a lot happier and will keep yourself from getting hurt when you fall off the pedestal that you are standing on!

Answer 4

You know what fedup? We seem to share similar opinions on several things. No, I don't think they deserve it, as they truly want children and it pains me that this is difficult for anyone to have them. I do think, though, that they should be mentally prepared to face challenges. I have a hard time dealing with women who are surprised they have trouble conceiving at 46, when most mothers that age have teenagers. I think there's nothing wrong with finishing your education, or establishing a steady career before you procreate...but I know this isn't what you mean. You mean the ones that actually have this enormous agenda, like travel the world, become president of their company, make a million, build an enormous house, wait til their bodies are worn out...they plan and they plan and they triumph, and then when they can't get pregnant at 46, they cry to you and tell you that's what they most wanted, and if they had it to do all over again, they'd have had children earlier! It's hard to listen to this. If it happens you don't marry until you are older, that can't be blamed. And I'm certainly not in favor of teen pregnancy. But yeah, why are so many women waiting? I've heard a lot of people say that they will have more to give their children, but that's a sort of vague idea. They talk about financial security and maturity, but what about energy? Ask people who had children at both 21 and 31, none of them will tell you it wasn't harder older. I mean, isn't your health and vitality a consideration in this matter? If you're giving birth at 46, your child graduates when you are 64. If you live long enough to see your grandchildren, what will you be able to give them?

Answer 5

oh brother...like we should all have a say in the conditions we were born into?? NO ONE would chose a poor family or poor conditions. RIght?Would you want a mother that could focus on her child knowing there was no where she would rather be than right there taking care of her children. A mother that has pursued her dreams and can share the adventure with her children? Old age could be a blessing .... more mature and capable of handling what life throws at you, finances are usually in better shape, what is important to you usually changes as you mature.

Answer 6

Although I don't think that anyone "deserves" negative consequences for postponing having children, I think it's a reality that has to be accepted.

Actually, I wish more people would wait longer to have children. People who have had time to figure out what this life is all about are in a much better position to share that knowledge with kids than the nineteen year old who still goes out and boozes it up every night because they can't see past next week.

Answer 7

You make an interesting point, but I also think that it can really be in a child's best interest to be raised by a parent that is ready to have them. Lots of parents have kids who are practically raised by a nanny or just have to spend lots of time alone because the parent works or even has a sports career that keeps them away from their children for extended periods of time. In this case, I could see why they wouldn't exactly want to put their children through that.

Answer 8

Seems like you've answered your own question.

I frankly don't agree with your answer though, because I would think it would have been more selfish for the woman to have the child when she has more important things going on at the time, or doesn't want to be saddled with a child yet. Not everyone is ready mentally or emotionally for a child in early-childbearing years.

Answer 9

That is the most ridiculous comment/question I've read today. I think it's more selfish to have a child when you're not ready to commit to the obligation - not the other way around.

How can you say anyone "deserves" a troubled pregnancy? I think there are more "self centered" women having kids to complete themselves or in hopes they'll hang on to their man. Which is more self centered?

Answer 10

Sounds to me that you are bitter that you had kids and didn't plan your life for a career first. A bit jealous of the gal your age that is out there in the work place and doing things on the weekend while you sit at home with kids? Just a thought.