What to do about my cheating wife?

Question

Hi.
My wife had a brief affair with a married man she had long had a desire for a while back. It ended - as far as I know - about a year ago. Just to be sure - and I hate doing this - I checked her cellphone for any sign that they were still in contact. I havn't seen any messages or record of calls made from or to this man by my wife.

Recently, my wife has asked me for a separation because - as she says - she wants her freedom and the fact that she does not have the same feelings for me as before. (We have been married for 6 1/ 2 years - we have a 5 1/2 year old son )

About 2 weeks ago I checked her cellphone and found that she has been in contact with a man I have never heard of before. She sends and receives message and calls from/to him. She has even ended one message to him with "your darling" .

My question is should I confront her ? Or don't even bother since she evidently wants a separation from me. Just for the record I have never cheated on her .

Answer 1

I am deeply sorry that you are going through this and especially since she didn't learn the first time.. needless to say I would confront her on it .. and in addition I would be going for full custody of your child. Good luck

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 2

I Am Messing Around With A 54 Year Old Married Man And I Am 20 Years Old. I Been Messing Around With Him Since Last September 2005. He Has A Son Who Is 20 And He Is My Friend And A Daughter Who Is 17 And His Daughter Caught Us Having Sex Once Before But She Did Not Say Nothing To Nobody Because She Has Autistic And She Has A Mind Of A 6 Year Old. This Married Man Wants To Leave His Wife And Married Me... But I Do Not Know If He Will Leave His Wife Of 21 Years! The Sex Is Good And He Always Said I Love You To Me All The Time And I Do Not Know What To Do. But I Love Him! We Never Use Protection But He Pulls Out And Ejaculate On My Stomach!

Answer 3

Sounds like your wife has decided that your marriage is over. Given her behavior, and her willingness to cheat despite the potential ramifications on your son, there appears to be little you can do to keep the marriage intact.

The two of you need marriage counseling NOW, because your son's emotional life hangs in the balance. Tell your wife that you still don't trust her because of her cheating a year ago, and that with her telling you she doesn't feel the same way about you anymore, counseling is the only way you're going to be have any chance to get this marriage back on track.

If she refuses counseling, my advice would be not to confront her and not to separate. Stay right where you are and file for divorce. (Of course, if she leaves in order to separate, fine, but don't let her take your son with her.) Document the things she says and the evidence you have of her infidelity, because these may come in handy during the divorce proceedings. Don't leave your son -- fight for him, because he will need his father.

Answer 4

I wouldnt let her know that u know, but id keep all proof of the matter...and the time before as well.. your wife has just proven that she is right, she isnt cut out to be married, to her , her marriage vows only suit her when they are convient to her, im sure she did break it off with the other guy, (seems to me more then likely he broke it off with him) and she came back to u, cause she's using u as a security blanket.. and then now she has a new guy that has peaked her interest and so now she wants out again.. id be willing to bet that if the new guy dumped her , she'd want to stay with u again.. but it would only be untill the next one comes along.. my advice to u, is to start getting prepared for the divorce as far as where ur going to leave what u'll need and if u love your son, get custody of him, and the only way u'll be able to do this , is to prove her unfit, so get ur proof of that now, find a place for u and ur son, show that u can be a single father have everything lined up and planned out, DONT leave ur son not even for a day , or she will claim u abandoned him, and dont allow her to take him with her any where either cause once a household is established for him its really hard to get the courts to want to take him out of that household. I realize u love your wife, but shes never going to be faithful to u.. she's only using u to not be alone.. and shes only leaving u cause she already has someone lined up in the wings.. u deserve better and so does your son, u have morals and values cause u are doing what is right.. and ur son needs that.. My father had custody of me and my siblings, and i love him more then anything in this world and he is a great father.. so i know u can do this..

Answer 5

I feel very sorry man. Women are tending to cheat more and more. But let me give u some advice. Confront her video tape the confession any evidence u can get, it can be useful in divorce court. and yes somebody got a good point there I would blood test the child to see if he is yours. This woman has serious problems. Leave her she is not worthed. Save ur life

Answer 6

I am having marriage problems myself.Mine (as far as i know) hasn't cheated on me .You can't keep a wild thing caged. She wants out and is trying to push you away by cheating.You didn't get the message when she told you she wanted to separate. You can ask her for counseling and when she refuses you have done all you can do. Start making a move for the door or show it to her. I have been squirreling money away and moving my belongings out slowly for a while now.So when the end occurs i have money for a place and don't have so much to move out. If you want to chat in privately about this [e-mail]. good luck

Answer 7

You shouldnt confront her because she will only lie..., All cheaters will cover their tracks and if they dont.. They make sure they do after lieing to you. Just leave her.. And Share custody of your Son. Get a divorce.., You dont diserve someone to be your wife.. if they are cheating on you. They dont diserve you. married or not.. for the fact that someone can talk to another man behind your back and being secretive about It. Is all wrong Right there.

Answer 8

Sound like you should make sure that the kid is yours. If there is no doubt in your mind about that, then leave, file for divorce and take your child. There is no reason to confront her about it and all that seperation stuff is bull because she is goign to run back as soon as she relizes that the grass is not greener on the other side. Forgive her once ... shame on her. Forever her twice ... shame on you. There should never be a third.


Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

I think u shud divorce ur wife.

First u confront her abt the other man in her life, make her understand abt u, ur life, ur kid, ur family n all...

If u love ur wife, and dont want her to let go, dont let her go.

Do something special for her. Take her out for a whole week.

Do all-good things to her, make her happy. Switch off each others cell, and enjoy. Dont talk abt the past. And u tell her, that u & ur kid need her. She will definitely not say "NO" to u. (Atleast I think)

After all this caring & loving, even though she remains the same as before, its time for the "D". Move out of this marraige. And take care of ur kid.

Answer 10

Talk to a lawyer first. Gather any evidence and documentation you will need. Make sure you have the upper hand, then end it as amiably and quickly as possible. Try to stay objective and unemotional. Watch out for lawyers that try to make it a big deal and end up with all the money.