I am in a situation where my wife of 7 years has realized she no longer has the fire for me. She loves me but is not in love with me anymore. We have been together a total of 10 years and I want to know if there is anyway to help her get the fire back? I have always given everything I could to her. The reason we grew apart was because we work opposite shifts so our daughter never had to be in day care. The time apart must have brought some kind of void into her heart. We are working on getting the flame back but she refuses to speak with a professional to see if they could help us? Can someone please help me?
2006-09-05 00:57:16 · 7 answers · asked by modega3131 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its all in YOUR head, you can do it, but u can't make your partner do it, but he/she will follow suit eventually.
2006-09-05 01:01:33 · answer #1 · answered by chillierrogue6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh gawd! "I love you but I'm not in love with you" what a boaring old cliche'. If she loves you she loves you. If not then not. Anybody will tell you that with time comes normalcy, and an easing or even loss of that heady lusty feeling of a new relationship. Your mistake was putting the need of your child ahead of the need of your marital relationship. Of course the needs of a dependent child have to be considered in everything you do, but the needs of the marital relationship are every bit as vital for the health of the entire family. You work different shifts to take care of the kid, now the two of you have no time together and have grown apart. DUH!
So what to do now? Recycle everything. Start out like you have just met. Take some vacation time, and ask her out on dates like you did when you first met. Assume you know nothing about this person, even if you have been with her for a decade. Relearn everything you think you know about this person. She'll probably suprise you with some things you thought you knew but obviously don't. Try all new things. Dancing instead of dinner and a movie. Antiquing, instead of grocery shopping. As for the kid? If daycare doesn't do it for you, Where's Grandma? or Auntie ...? Would the finances allow a nanny? Or an older neighbor girl? A child can't help but put demands on the two of you. But your relationship together has to be solid first or the whole thing falls apart as you are finding out. If the daughter misses a couple of ballerina lessons, too bad! You two need the time to repair your relationship right now, or she'll be spending her weekends shuttling between mommy, and daddy's new apartment. And you know what? Your daughter's emotional health will be much better off if she sees the two of you working out your problems, and repairing your relationship than if she has to take the weekend visitation shuttle between mummy and daddy.
2006-09-05 10:25:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend time together doing the things you enjoyed in the beginning. Go to the places you went when you were dating. Be sure to romance her - bring her flowers, leave her love notes, etc. Also, I'm a big fan of being a parent to your child rather than putting them in day care but not at the cost of your marriage. I would rather your child be in day care than be from a broken home. Good luck.
2006-09-05 08:02:15 · answer #3 · answered by cldb730 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When a spouse says "I love you, but I am not IN love with you", that means:
She is having an affair and/or she is becoming in love with another man.
You can't rekindle the flame if there is another guy involved. And I guarantee 99% that there is another guy involved.
2006-09-05 08:43:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her stubbornness might indicate that she isn't interested in rekindling that love. Love is a choice and she must choose to be in love with you again.
You have to ask her what (or who) did she fill the void in her heart with?? That might be what is holding her back.
Good luck.
2006-09-05 09:09:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try and take a vacation... i know it might be hard if your daughter is still little, but even if it is just for the weekend... try to remember what you did when she fell in love with you in the first place. is it romance that she likes? may be even someting little like breakfast in bed. it is very easy to get stuck in a rut, and very hard to get out of it. hopefully everything will work itself out.
2006-09-05 08:02:05 · answer #6 · answered by crystal s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thanks 4 the ? & all the different opions on this
2006-09-05 11:14:30 · answer #7 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋