My daughter wants to change her surname to be the same as me should I let her?

Question

She hasn't seen her dad in 18 months as he had another child with someone else and has had nothing to do with our daughter since his girlfriend was pregnant. My daughter has his surname but is desperate to change it to be the same as me. I reassure her all the time that this doesn't make a difference but kids at school ask why she has a different name and then the questions come as to why she doesn't see daddy. I still have contact with her grandad and auntie and uncle from that side of her family and they think it's a good idea but is it too big a step for a kid?

Answer 1

I may be wrong, but I think you will find there are ‘legal’ issues.
I suspect that until your daughter reaches a certain age (perhaps 18), she is not allowed to change her name without the permission of her father, if he has custody or access rights.
Perhaps you could find out more about the legal issues, if you ask about it in the ‘Politics & Government - Law & Ethics’ Category.

Answer 2

I have had the same problem with the youngest of my children. She actually asked her father if she could change her surname when i got remarried and he said no because 'he was her father and no-one else would be'. She was 8 at the time and for the past 7 years, she has been 'known as' my surname but on offical documents still uses her birth name. Unfortunately, she can not officially change her surname without her fathers consent until she is 18. Why dont u consider double barrelling the two surnames...which is how my daughters first started and then came to the one surname.

Good luck x

Answer 3

You dont say how old your daughter is, could this just be a whim as she is at an impressionable age? I would be tempted to set a time limit, say 6 months, and if she still feels the same then go ahead, in that time her Dad may have got in touch and she may feel differently. My half brother kept his fathers name until he was over 18 then changed his as he didnt want his own children carrying the name of a man he had no respect for.

Answer 4

No, i don't think of it could be too confusing. For the infants themselves or everybody else for that count. in keeping with risk 50 years in the past it could have been a controversy, yet not in this present day and this society. at present there are a number of infants accessible who've the comparable organic and organic father yet diverse surnames for even though reason and it rather is transforming into progressively extra common. My sister in regulation has 2 infants with the help of one father and one with the help of yet another and each and each of her 3 infants have a various surname (her oldest has her maiden call and the different 2 each and each have their father's surname) and it has in no way rather been a difficulty for them.

Answer 5

hi i have been in this situation and why dont you speak to your school and ask if for the time being could she be known as the same surname as you and explain that she wants people to stop asking awkward questions which make her upset and we all know how cruel kids can be, my kids school had no problem with it as long as all official forms and the like are addressed and signed in her original name this may help smooth things over till you can be sure its the right thing to do for all concerned because as we all know circumstances change and children change there minds especially if her dad decides to put in an appearance

Answer 6

You can officially change her name by deed poll...you have to do it because as I see this she is a minor (under 18) if you go onto google or ask.com and type in deed poll UK it will come up with loads of sites for you, it doesn't cost much either...and I would say yes let her change her name she is obviously passionate about this so let her have her way...she can always change it back if she so desires in the future by doing the same process, but I doubt she will

Answer 7

of course you should let her. If her father hasn't had anything to do with her for 18 months and has established a new life somewhere else, she may feel really detatched from him, thus wanting to create a real sense of belonging with yourself. Sharing the same name as yoou may help her to feel closer to you, as it is another significant link by which she can associate herself to you as a family member. There should be nothing detrimental about it in any way, and it may stop the questions at school, which may make life easier for her.

Answer 8

If this is what the child wants and its finbe with both parents then theres nothing more to it get the name changed and let her be happy with it. If she is happy with your name and the father doesnt want to know then the child should understand and even when shes asking to change her name this is important because it shows how close she is to you.

I think she understands and ye it is a big step but if she has asked she must know and understand the concepts.

Answer 9

actually what icyur says is incorrect their are no legal issues your daughter can change her name by usage with out the need of anything legal needing doing all you need to do is put it in writting that this is the surname she is to be known by from now on.
when my sister in law split from her kids dad thats all she needed to do and her kids have carried on using her maiden name now.

i also did this as a child but changed it to my step dads name but when she get married they will put her birth name and her surname by usage if asked like i did.and on legal documents i think like her pastport or driving licence iit will be her birth name

hope this helps i think you should let her do it if her dad does kick off all you do is tell him she wanted the same name as her mother so she didnt get picked on in school simple as that.
and maybe if he was aroumd for her more she wouldnt have asked this.
But without making excuses he may have his reasons for staying away.

Answer 10

I think you should allow her to change her name as she wants a sense of belonging. I have made sure that my little girl has my name so there is no confusion or embarrassment for my kid at school or with friends. Her dad obviously doesn't give a ****, so let her do whatever makes her happy!!!