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Should I be concerned about this relationship becoming abusive?
Should I be concerned about this relationship becoming abusive?
I'm getting married in the next few weeks but, I have some concerns. Lately he seems more controlling but, only in the way of what he says is what goes, regardless of what I say. Sometimes he talks to me like I'm only 12 yrs. old. Lately when we wrestle around he hits me harder than what I think he should. BUT he has never been physically abusive at all. He has called me names when we've gotten in arguments and only then. We petsitted for some friends of ours and the puppy would use the bathroom in the floor and he would spank it too hard, hard enough I couldn't watch and then throw it in the floor. My bird bit him and he thumped it and knocked it out for a while and told me that anything in is house is not going to act like that. I'm not sure if it something to worry about or not, as far as the way he might oneday treat me? He has always treated me like any girl would want to be treated, that is why I'm confused???.
Additional Details
19 hours ago
He is not the jealous type at all. He does not follow me everywhere I go and he does not try to be right up under me all the time. He does not question my every move or acuse me of cheating or anything. So a lot of his characteristics are not those of an abuser. This is why I am so confused.
2006-09-05 00:19:58 · 11 answers · asked by Dsoftball 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He made it very clear to me that he was not raised to hit women and his son will not either. He said he would hurt any man he saw trying to hurt a woman.
2006-09-05 00:21:25 · update #1
You want to marry a guy thinks what he says goes, no matter what you say? I thought that way of thinking went out in the dark ages.
2006-09-05 00:27:57 · answer #1 · answered by Computer Guy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I Am Messing Around With A 54 Year Old Married Man And I Am 20 Years Old. I Been Messing Around With Him Since Last September 2005. He Has A Son Who Is 20 And He Is My Friend And A Daughter Who Is 17 And His Daughter Caught Us Having Sex Once Before But She Did Not Say Nothing To Nobody Because She Has Autistic And She Has A Mind Of A 6 Year Old. This Married Man Wants To Leave His Wife And Marry Me... But I Do Not Know If He Will Leave His Wife Of 21 Years! The Sex Is Good And He Always Said I Love You To Me All The Time And I Do Not Know What To Do. But I Love Him! We Never Use Protection But He Pulls Out And Ejaculate On My Stomach! We Have Had Sex In Werid Places!
2006-09-07 08:42:03 · answer #2 · answered by ~Metalman Princess~ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough call sweetheart. I would be confused but for only a second. Any signs of abuse whether it be physical, emotional, or even sexual, yes even in a relationship, you can be abused sexually. First he shows signs reguardless of who or what it is towards and does need help. Calling you names when you argue...forget it, hurting the animals...forget it, hitting you harder than usual while play wrestling...it'll get harder as time goes on. Sure he says he was brought up to never hit a woman...before long , he'll be coming up with excuses of why he didn't think you were a woman....to make it okay for him to maybe give you the odd slap. Not the jealous type...YET. He does have several characteristics of someone who very well may be an abuser. To be married in a couple of weeks? I would seiously think about it. He'll only treat you great when it is convenient for him. Sorry, this is probably not what you wanted to hear, but I would be skeptical. When in doubt...DON'T
2006-09-05 07:39:00 · answer #3 · answered by Tammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's feeding you full of a bunch of BULL CRAP girl!!! Get out and GET OUT FAST FAST FAST!!! I cannot emphasize this enough! PLEASE!!!
I have had an abusive father, and two abusive ex-fiances and two abusive ex-boyfriends before I finally figured out that even just a couple of signs can turn into the real thing!!
Please take it from me. I am very experienced with this.
The things you are saying here are the biggest red flags ever!! If he does that to a little puppy he will do it to your little babies!!!! If he EVER calls you names he does NOT respect you and never ever will and it will only get worse!!
My husband NEVER wrestled with me, NEVER hit me in play or anything, NEVER called me names, NEVER threatened me, animals, or anything. He's so wonderful!!
But, my second to most recent abusive ex-fiance, Jarrod, was a psycho. At first he was my knight in shining armor! he was so wonderful to me!!! He was so great. We were so perfect for each other... or so it seemed!
He'd wrestle with me (any respectful man won't do this, seriously) and that's how it started. I won't get into details because there are too many, but I will say that it got so bad that at the end there he had pulled my left shoulder out of socket TWICE, which I had to undergo physical therapy for for MONTHS afterwards!! it was so horrible! I still have problems with it.
LEAVE THIS MAN AND NEVER EVER EVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN!!! And when you break up with him do it in a public place. This is as big a deal as I am making it, believe me, trust me, please. You won't regret it.
good luck!!
2006-09-05 07:28:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look...i have a temper too, but I would never hurt an animal. Think of it. Animals are defenseless. I could not be with anyone who could throw a puppy or knock out a bird. It is cruel and senseless. My cat scratches me and claws the furniture like crazy. I get angry, I yell at him but I never hurt him. Please...get away from this guy and take the pets with you. Nothing and no one deserves to be treated like that. Animal cruelty is illegal.
2006-09-05 07:24:46 · answer #5 · answered by Firefly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are different types of abuse and it sounds like there may be some verbal abuse happening. I would be a little concerned about marrying him if not for the abuse issue then for the fact that you have so many doubts about the marriage already that you are asking total strangers what they think. Think about it.
2006-09-05 07:26:38 · answer #6 · answered by south heart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds abusive. Anybody who belittles another is abusive. Also if he treats animals like this, I can only imagine how he would raise his kids if he had any. I would question whether this is the sort of person I would want to have kids with.
2006-09-05 07:28:30 · answer #7 · answered by mama mia! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
http://www.abuse.com/domestic_violence/Signs_of_Abuse.htm
Get out and move on. Men that are abusive to animals do so because they feel they can get away with the abuse, once you are married and have kids what's to stop him from thinking the same way about abusing you or your kids?
There are non-abusive men out there, just move on.
2006-09-05 07:34:27 · answer #8 · answered by live2ride 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I would never marry a guy who is abusive to my pets. i put my pets lives before my own if they did so do I. so don't let this fool hurt your pets
2006-09-05 07:24:35 · answer #9 · answered by hawaiicatlynblue 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its not a nice option but i would suggest post poning the wedding until you are a 100% sure about everything.
2006-09-05 07:25:16 · answer #10 · answered by SA angel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋