How do I over come what's wrong with me?

Question

I posted a question about how to be more likable yesterday, and people responded very kindly and many of them said that I need to learn to like myself.

So then I posted a question on how one does that, and I only got a few responses, but the nicest one said to think about all the people who love you....

I'm getting sent around in circles a bit. I think there must be something really wrong with me. Other people just don't seem to have trouble making friends, but I am just rubbish at it. I would really just like someone to go and see arty films with once and a while, but I don't know how to arrange that.

Answer 1

There's a lot of good stuff in the answers you've already had.

Learning to like yourself is difficult (I know - I hate myself periodically) but basically translates into accepting that you are what you are. Changing yourself merely means that you have become an actor playing a role.

Insecurity may also be an issue with you, but again is inextricably linked to your perception of yourself - hence why you think you're going round in circles.

But I suspect you're also a bit of a perfectionist and have very high standards from what you expect from friendship. People with a very wide circle of friends will know that many of those friendships are ephemeral and come about mainly through proximity. When the proximity changes, the friendship often either fades or changes into a distant relationship built entirely on nostalgia/reminiscence.

A lot of people naturally warm to open, gregarious, witty people - whereas others find such people shallow. You need to ask yourself what you expect from any new friendships: do you want want to be part of a crowd, or do you want long-term frienships where you can share your confidences? The latter are few and far between in anyone's life - not just yours - and will tend to happen naturally.

Like a couple of other respondents, I too find that if I want to watch art-house cinema, I usually end up going alone. But art-house cinemas are usually a very pleasant experience in themselves and you're unlikely to be pestered (easy for me to say - I'm an ugly bloke!).

So relax, learn to be at ease with your solitude when you have to be, and just be yourself. Any friendships you gather on the way are a bonus.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

Well are you at college or working! Find out what arty films are on then walk up to or introduce your self then explain where your going and is any one busy say Fri.. Then you should of broke the ice then if no ones interested then no worries go your self come Monday some one will ask about film then tell a write lie and say you went with sister and not alone! Or depending on your age that is your over 18 arrange a girl night. Just be your self!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Just because you may possibly be quiet when you are out doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. The majority of people go through a similar experience the only thing you lack (it sounds to me) is self worth. You are unique there is no other person like you.The world is a better place with you in it and if you weren't likable how come strangers are talking to you via this site. I went through a similar experience when I went to Canada a new land and new people. The more you want something the further away it seems to get. Just be yourself and friendships will develop.

Answer 4

I think you might benefit from finding a like minded group who share your interests. Clearly you have a brain and you probably have choose your friends carefully because you look for people to be friends with who are like yourself. The problem being of course, that means they are probably a little introspective and possibly shy too.

How about a book club? or maybe you can have a look at the website for your local independent cinema, often they have clubs. It might be a way for you to meet people who are more up your street. Look around locally at what you can get involved with.

it could well be that you are very happy with yourself, and you have no problem with your self esteem. The problem could just be that you're surrounded by people who are not like you and who you feel you not only do not want to fit in with, but have nothing to say to because you can't see them as being a peer.

it would be a shame if you changed the way you were just to fit in with other people or make them like you more. be yourself and do the things you enjoy and you are sure to meet others who are the same.

take care

S
x

Answer 5

If you think is something wrong with you that's first step to look on yourself and ask yourself how I can help somebody in this situation. I can make friends and communicate with people but my level of friendship is to high - and mostly they become nobody.
If you like someone you can just ask what you do tomorrow because you are afraid go alone to see some movie.
If you ask me is no problem and I always pay the ticket and popcorn for my friends - but I'm so nice. I wish you good lack.
Believe me you are not rubbish - just little shy girl,

Answer 6

I don't thing there's anything wrong with you other than shyness. Go to arty films on your own, talk to people. There's this whole stigma of visiting the cinema on your own but sod that, just get out there and meet people. Arty films aren't to everyone's taste (believe me, I go on my own a lot as my friends would rather watch big special effects movies) - and it's fine. You'll meet interesting people. Lots of independent cinemas have bars (if you're near, The Duke of York in Brighton) so you can get chatting before the film starts.

Answer 7

I am useless at making friends. But rather than sit and worry about it, I have joined some clubs where I can meet new people. This has given me the courage (I am painfully shy) to talk to new people and my circle of friends is growing. I am hoping that I can get close enough to some of them to be able to go out on a night out with them, as its been so long since I was able to do that.
Try it yourself. Maybe look at the local college to see if there are any film appreciation classes you could attend and meet people with the same interest as yourself. Good Luck.

Answer 8

You seem like a sensitive and thoughtful person- that alone should help bring the right kind of people to you.

I think the thing to remember is that most people have the same masks in place that you do. Sometimes all it takes is for one person to have the courage to open themselves up first.

Some of my best friends and most cherished g/fs have come because one of us had the courage to take a chance. Trite, I know, but very very true.

Chin up! More people than you know feel just as alone as you- even those who are surrounded by admirers and look like the life of the party.

Answer 9

i know how you feel! i answered your question yesterday! i don't have a big group of friends. the friends that i have are true friends, what you need to do is go to a group or something. i don't know what kind of group you could go to, maybe night school something to do with making films. you always make friends that way. just put yourself out there. make sure that you have to talk to people instaed of making friends with loads of people just work on a few people i would rather have 1 fantastic friend than have 100 okay friend. i started college as a mature student (not that mature) but i didn't make lots of friends to begin with i didn't think that i would because i was a lot older than the people in my class. i have however made a few good friends. one in particular now i speak to her every night and we go out at weekends. when i started my course i thought that i didn't fit in, after about a week i felt alright and now i get on with everyone and i have made some true friends so just put yourself out there and you will find someone out there who really values you! good luck and try not to be so down on yourself. keep smilling x x x x x

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with you. It appears you woke up one day and realized you have not been real social and "think" that maybe you are missing something. So now you are judging what you are doing with what "everyone" else is doing? There may be something wrong with you?

Just a note... people who really have something wrong with them would never ponder the question "is there something wrong with me?" This tells me you are fine, maybe shy, introverted, don't have much to say for whatever reason... But your mind moves 100 mph with ideas, thoughts, and dreams.

Welcome to life 101!

To whom do you wish to be more likeable to? People you are not interested in and do not have much in common with, or people who are into culture, art, history, music... things you are interested in.

If you are severly introverted, it is not about liking yourself; it is about conquoring severe shyness and a fear of what other people think or label you as.

If you are interested in the arts, go... do not be afraid to talk to people. Smile a little, and attempt to socialize.

I always tell my girls, do not chase people... create enough mystique around you that draw people to you who are truly interested in wanting to get to know who you are.

If you are uptight, people will interpret that as unapproachable. Don't worry about what people think, be yourself and don't be ashamed. Just smile... don't forget to make eye-contact (shoes may be interesting, but they don't hold very good intellecutal conversations). You will be plesently surprised.

But remember, because you are socially naive; the golden rule of going out....

If it looks like Sh&# and smells like Sh&#... than it IS. Go with your instinct and gut feelings!

Initially, you may want your mother, aunt, sister, brother, cousin or someone you are close to, for which you share similar interests, to accompany you (I used to do this in college with my brother - especially when I didn't want to get hit on - people thought he was a signifigant other). This is great moral support, and it helps socially... it helps you feel more comfortable.

Hope this helps.