I am 19 and I have been with my bf for about 2 and a half years..he doesn't want to use protection and thus I accept it b/c I love him and I don't want to lose him but on the other hand I don't want to get pregnant as I am still at University. Is there a remedy where both of us can enjoy sex but safer, obviously he uses the pull out method otherwise I am during my safe period if he keeps going. Don't suggest condoms or pills b/c he does not feel comfortable with it and he doesn't want me to take any pills as they may damage myself. Are there any other alternatives?
He says if I get pregnant we will take up the responsibility since we have had enjoyed it then if that happens we have to face the consequences...but he works and I dont :S and I believe children are better suited after marriage
2006-09-04 20:53:47 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Moreover we had a fight around 2 months ago b/c he wants us to have sex during my ovulation as at that time I would be in my peak and we enjoy it more....in the past I used to try to keep calm during my ovulation and try not to have sex during that time but now it is not possible as he does not want me to do that any more...I feel confused
2006-09-04 20:55:35 · update #1
Yesterday I have talked to him again about protection, he simply told me "I don't finish inside you so dont worry. Condoms are not comfortable thus its not worth it using them. If you get pregnant we will take care of the baby. But if you want to use protection you're thinking about leaving me!"
2006-09-04 20:58:01 · update #2
First off, you need to use some kind of protection. There's a lot out there. The male condom, the female condom (great against STDS, AIDS and pregnancy), the diaphragm, the cervical cap, spermicide (works well in conjuction with other methods), the pill, depo provera shots, and the best method: abstinence. Go to your college clinic, talk to them, find out your options and see if they can't set you up with some birth control and a counselor for when this guy gets physically abusive (if he isn't already). And what's that crap about him not liking pills and you agreeing not to take them? It's your body not his. Period. If you already feel like you can't make decisions about your body and your life then you don't need to be with this guy. He sounds like the very abusive type. Course he's going slower than most in setting you up for more abuse. But the controlling your decisions is a start.
This guy doesn't respect you at all. If he did he would use a condom. Heck give him the choice, no sex or him using condoms and you being on the pill. And of course, you can always masturbate, you don't need him to get off.
There are many diseases condoms protect against, AIDS, gonnorhea (sp?), chlamydia, herpes, need I go on? There are tons. And maybe he won't give you any. But is that a chance you want to take? Imagine while getting through all of your schooling, you find out you have HIV (the virus that causes or leads to AIDS). Then what? You have ten years left that you can graduate and live the rest of your life in. Maybe a harsh case but a possible one.
You really think that he will stand by you and take care of the consequences if he doesn't even have the decency to stand by you now??? Oh, please grow up... He wants to do what he wants to do and you're letting him so you don't lose him. You don't need him, he's not worth it no matter how long you've been together. Why don't you break up with him and find someone who'd be happy to respect you at any time? Guys these days (most) will be happy to use a condom if they think it will help them "get some", heck they even bring their own. Ever heard the cliche "no glove no love"? It's true, or should be.
It doesn't matter if he finishes inside you. There's always precum (I do not know the technical term forgive me) when a guy gets aroused enough some semen comes out, guess what lives there? That's right, sperm. The sperm that make babies and well meaning ppl pregnant. So even if he withdraws before he completely ejaculates there's still sperm there, just hoping to be the one that fertilizes one of your eggs. And then where will you be?
Will you be able to finish school while your pregnant? Can your bf (I use that term with tons of disrespect and sarcasm) take care of you and your child with his job? What are you going to do when your baby is screaming and you need to get your homework done and your bf's at the bar and you have no money for food? Sounds like just the kind of thing you're trying to avoid by going to school.
Stick with your principles. You think babies are better after marriage. Probably because you know you will be able to handle one better then, you will have accomplished your schooling and you will be in a better place. You're a kid yet, be a kid, but be a responsible one.
2006-09-04 21:35:03 · answer #1 · answered by Mariah 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off let me say, You're not alone. You're not the only one out there feeling like this, and you should never be ashamed of it. There is help out there, and you will never be expected to go through things alone. Don't ever think it's all your fault, nor are you a terrible daughter. I agree that you need to talk about it with someone. So, you don't want to talk about it with your boyfriend. Thats okay! (but, If he's a decent boyfriend he will support you ang help you work it out) Try talking to a close friend, failing that a counselling service. Yeah, that may sound scary, or sh!t, but ultimatley thats what they do. thier job is to listen to and help you. If it;s viable, perhaps take some time away from home, and your mum. Spend a week at a friends, or a grandparent's or soemthing. Space can always help. other than that, I really stress that Counselling is a fantastic & confidential service, If you need it, it's there. Good luck & all the Best The Ninja.
2016-03-26 22:41:35 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi little gal,
Sorry to tell you that, i feel that both you and your bf are not mature enough to handle this things. Have you ever think of if you are pregnant when you are still an university student, how will it affect both you and your bf, and of course the parents.
And also is time for you to focus on your study. I agreed that you guys can have sex, but if no protection during sex, you guys will be facing a really big problems later on.
Sex is not the only reason to show how much you love him. If you are going to listen to your bf requests; both your future will be ruined.
Think twice....... Even if i have a method for you, i will not tell you how to do it, as i think if you are spoiling your bf now, you are going to suffer in future. Don't ruin your own future.
You should tell your bf if he love you so much, can he respect you and at least put on a condom. If he is a responsible "man" , he should at least finished his study, get a stable job and then talk about responsibility. Being a man that cannot provide all these for the wife he love so much is what i call: Irresponsible.
Ask yourself, can both of you handle a baby at the same time when your are studying? Are your financially stable to have a baby now? Will both your parents be happy when you are pregnant now?
If you Wake up your silly thinking now, you will have a better future.
2006-09-04 21:36:17 · answer #3 · answered by Wake up 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This must be a joke, and if it is not then the guy is a (add your favourite insult).
You are only 19 so this is NOT the time for a baby. Some guys have fantasies about spreading their genes by having babies - but they won't take care of them afterwards of course.
You are dumb to accept unprotected sex "because you love him". Love has nothing to do with doing idiotic things. If he is trying to push this on you then HE, for sure, does not love you.
They're probably lots of guys out there who'd be happy to be with you, and have protected sex.
As for the pull out "method", it doesn't work. Even before the orgasm some seminal liquid can be emitted, which may contain sperm!
If you really want to continue this idiotic behaviour, and stick with that selfish irresponsible bf of yours, then at least try to stick to a relatively safe period for sex, say from 10 days before your next period, to the period. Period.
As for children, I agree with you: better after marriage. And better after, say, 25. Clearly neither of you is very mature, so you don't sound like you can be good parents.
Good luck
2006-09-04 21:04:23 · answer #4 · answered by AntoineBachmann 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hun, way i see it, u have a few options. You can try an IUD, u can tell him no sex without a condom, u can sneak the pill, or u can keep doing what you're doing. Personally, i think he's being an idiot. Try a low-dose pill, there are several out there, or tell him to use a condom. If he really loves you, he'll listen to your wishes and fears. If he still refuses to see reason, maybe you're better without him. If he can't see the good sense in being as sure as possible about preventing pregnancy, what are the chances he'll listen to your opinion about other huge decisions. Think about it hard and long, and remember, you're the one that is in danger of getting pregnant because of his stubborn decisions.
Best of luck, hope it works out for the best.
2006-09-04 21:05:42 · answer #5 · answered by dj_serene80 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is controlling!you can get pregnant with all you have mentioned even if he withdraws there is pre-ejaculation that he cant control that!.Its your body do you want a baby now,I would look hard at the relationship ,he is not being fair to you or your age or your plans ,If you want to be with him still ,go get an implant from the doctor ,it lasts 3 years and your boyfriend doesn't have to know .it wont hurt your body ,I have been on the pill on and off and had the implant for at least 20 years (i am 40) I have had 6 planed pregnancies and no accidents and no heath problems from the pill. Its your life and your body ,men say they will stick around but there are no guarantees except that you will be the one holding the baby.save baby making till you are ready ,finished school and happy and married if that's important to you ,it sounds like it is.
2006-09-04 21:16:08 · answer #6 · answered by stephanie n 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are playing Russian roulette with you life girlfriend. First of all no man who really and truly loves you would take any risk what-so-ever concerning an unplanned pregnancy. Secondly, and most importantly, NO ONE can or should tell you what to do with your own body.
Go to the GYN doc and get on a birth control pill and take it exactly as you are directed BEFORE you have sex with your boy friend again.
P.S. Withdrawal does not prevent pregnancy and there is no such animal as a "safe time."
2006-09-04 21:01:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no offense, but this guy sounds like an idiot. if he dosen't want to use protection,and dosen't want you on the pill, the only way to stay pregnancy free is to not have sex. i mean, if this guy has been going out with you for that long, and he leaves you because you wont have sex with him, or even because you just want to use protection, then i doubt he is the kind of person that would actually stick around if you actually got pregnant. i think you need to tell him exactly how you feel and exactly what your opinions on the matter are. if he's sensible in any kind of way, i'm sure it'll work out. but thats just my opinion .
2006-09-04 21:06:01 · answer #8 · answered by nyxavenger 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he won't use a condom, he is disrespecting you. Sorry, I know it;s not what you want to hear, but it's true. If you really do not want to become pregnant he needs to respect that. It sounds like he is trying to manipulate you, and that is not a healthy thing.
You can use a diaphram, but they are not the most reliable birth control method. Better than nothing. Abstinance would be the best method of course.
By the way, there is no safe period.
Even if he does not finish inside you, sperm are released in his pre-***. If he does not like condoms, try Elexa, they are not terrible feeling.
2006-09-04 20:58:52 · answer #9 · answered by sheila 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dios mio, the pill will not hurt your body, in fact it's recommended that every woman take the pill at some point in their lives to reduce the chance for certain cancers! Go tomorrow and get on the pill. You have no further excuses. It doesn't matter if he wants you on it or not, you go and do it for yourself and for the unwanted baby you will have to either abort or give up for adoption. Think about how either of those two things will harm your body!? 9 months pregnant and you won't have a body anymore.
2006-09-04 21:01:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋