HELP!!confused what to do, what advice to give!!eek!?

Question

ok..i will try to keep this short, but no promises there!!
my friend is married to this guy who controlled her and their two young daughters, she wasn't allowed to see people, go out, do anything really, wasn't allowed to talk to me etc. he kept her under lock and key, almost like a prisoner in her own home. he tried to strangle her the other day, so she left him with the girls. he went back to england (where he came from) and didn't even tell her he was going.while he was gone she did some snooping in his office and found that he had been on the net chatting to women all over the world, collecting naked pictures and videos of them and telling these women he loved them and how crap and ugly his wife is. she also found out that he has just gone to sweden to meet up with one of his internet girlfriends. her daughters are only like 6 and 4 and they are both happy he is gone. anyway, she hasn't been coping with it all and he rang her the other day begging for her back. she is giving in..

...she is giving in and is going to take him back!! i am one of her few friends she is still in touch with and i feel i need to step in big time, but no matter how much i tell her this is wrong, she just won't listen. she gets lonely and sad at night, which is when he calls and tells her he is sorry and he will never hurt her again and he will change and never even talk to another woman etc etc. what can i do? what would you do? how can i help? and how can i make her see sense of this???

Answer 1

Tell her that there is NO WAY she can go back to him. He tried to strangle her once. What would she do if he did it to one of the girls.

She has to get professional help now, someone who can be objective and make her see that she can't go back. Many battered women's shelters will be able to help. Even though there wasn't that much physical abuse, there was a ton of emotional abuse which is just as bad.

Answer 2

let her know that no matter what decision she makes that you will always be there for her and her daughters. That you don't agree with her decision because you see how he treats her and makes her feel espically with her children and that if she took him back it might end up hurting her more physically and mentally then it would for her to just stay away from him, eventually that pain would subside. It seems that with some people the more they are told that a relationship is not good for them the more they want to stay and others just want to prove there is a good side. Either way she knows he is not good and he hurts her but you not matter what cannot make her stay away from him and it sucks I know tell her that she should keep a emergency bag packed with a few outfits for her and her kids and have it put up and ready to go in case he starts to hurt her again and also to get checked for diseases that he might of given her or her daughters. Just go talk to your local police and let them know of the suituation just in case something severe happpens. But most of all ask her this question- What would you do if one of your daughters was in this kind of relationship? Because odds are this is what they grew up with and seen mommy put up with and they will not know how to or accept a loving relationship when they are older because of this.

Answer 3

Aren't you between a rock and a hard place. Honey, I'm afraid there isn't too much you can really do if she takes him back. Chances are her life is going to go right back to the miserable way it was. Alot of times the person in the situation is thinking of the "family" aspect of it and wants to do what is right. Even if what is "right" isn't always best. Until he comes back, encourage her not to be home. Invite her and her daughters out. Go to the park, the zoo, etc. Anywhere but home so she can see what she is missing out on while she's chained to the house. Then have a slumber party. Let her cry on your shoulder, do the girl things, and get her to envision her perfect dream life. Maybe have her write down what she likes about him and in another column, what she doesn't. I know it sounds childish, but sometimes going back to basics and reminding ourselves of what we originally wanted in life, helps open our eyes. And she definately needs to open her eyes.

Answer 4

You're a really good friend to her and with a lot of patience and you have blessings coming. The pain you're enduring through this situation with your friend will not go unrewarded. A lot of people would have given up on her for not listening.

I've seen Movies based upon TRUE stories that were released by families of Women that WERE in similar situations. Note that I said WERE.

When the Movies were over they've each shown captions relating to the status of the families and jail time the men were serving. The TV Station would announce at the end of the Movie and show a phone number for TV viewers to phone or give to someone that were considered to be victims of Domestic Violence.

Relate to her the information that I've just given you. You can research cases yourself with tragic endings regarding, "Domestic Violence" tragedies resulting in Death of the victim and show that to her...evidently, the Woman that he left her for found him repulsive when they finally met and rejected him, or she probably found that he was, BROKE", and really wasn't about anything. SHE DIDN'T WANT HIM so he needed to run back to his wife, of course, until he finds another one and then, back to the old drawing board..a never ending cycle.

Your friend has to make her own choice to do what she knows that's best for her children. We see that she doesn't have any real regard for herself just by her considering taking him back, and since you can't convince her to let him go...ask her to give the children to a family member that's willing to raise them for her prior to taking him back. It's no need of having them around to witness her demise.

Answer 5

She left the girl alone with him that's bad what if something happened to them. You need to get her some help and support, she can't go back because something worse could happen next time to her or the girls. She need a new number and a P.O box. Help her please do everything in your power. Keep the girls safe. If she goes back to him call CPS so you can save the girls.

Answer 6

I would help her LEAVE him!!! Find out why she would even consider taking him back. I would help her anyway I could money, babysitting, ect.
Reasure her that she is going to be better off without him. Let her know EVERY storm produces a rainbow!!

Answer 7

I don't think you can really help her till she wants to be helped.. Just show her how to get out and keep being her friend. Keep talking to her and offering your advice. She really needs to leave him.. Life is to short to live it miserable. There's always a way out.

Answer 8

Tell her not to take him back, no matter what.

Tell her to go to a center for abused women; to talk with a counselor.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

OMG, stop her. Be the friend you are and dont let her be stupid. The guy is SH*T and you know it. Once a cheeter always a cheeter. Save your friend girl!