Do you not have your mother around either?

Question

Do you not have your mother in your life to be able to ask her questions like: "Did you get sick a lot when you were preg. w/ me?", "What did you crave (if anything) when you were preg. w/ me?", "What were your favorite things to do when you were a kid?", "When did you move out of your parents house, and why?", etc.? If you didn't/don't, how did/does it make you feel, what in your life is different (than other peoples) because of it, and how do you deal w/ it?

Answer 1

I don't know... I am a guy...

Answer 2

I don't have my mother now, and I miss her; but she was here when I was having my children, and - you now what? - I never asked her those things for some reason.

My mother had, I guess, volunteered the stuff about what she craved when expecting me and how she was horribly sick the whole time. I was close to my mother, but by the time she died I was old enough to have started to see her as a friend. Sometimes if a person feels as if they need someone older to talk to they can find a sensible, older, woman as a friend. It doesn't mean she'll stand in for your mother, but she may be able to give you some of the insight that comes from having already had kids, having been married, having gone to college, having worked, and generally having lived.

When it comes to some of the really personal details of your mother's life, like what she craved when she was expecting you, I guess you just have to realize some information isn't all that important. One of my children is adopted. I can tell him that he was born one week late and what time he was born and how long he was and what he weighed, but I can't tell him what someone else craved when she was expecting him. You aren't alone when it comes to that kind of detail.

I can't tell you when your mother moved out of her parents' house or if she did at all, but I can tell you that either way its entirely possible it didn't change her life a whole lot. If a person is raised to be independent and strong, she can be independent and strong in her parents' house. She can also be independent and strong in her own house. Having your own place lets you decorate it all the way you like, although sharing it means you may end up with someone who is too neat or too loud or too messy. Staying in your parents' house can mean you have your money to save or spend, while moving out can leave you without much money for a while. My main point is if you're strong and solid and independent, and if you choose to define your own life and what you are, some things don't change you much. Some people may allow their circumstances to define who or what they are. Others are who and what they are regardless of circumstances because they choose to define for themselves who and what they are.

I don't know if your mother died or if she's just not in your life. If she's just not in your life I can tell you that there are ways in which you may actually be spared some of the pain that people go through when they lose mothers they're close to. If she died, I know exactly what it like to have someone missing when you don't want them to be.

I know this isn't what you're looking for, but if its at all interesting to you, I craved red Jolly Ranchers when I was expecting the son I had. I worked at the time and would get sick every day at 3:00 on the dot. Playing Barbies was my favorite thing, I think; although I got great thrills by getting my friends together to go down to our giant public library and scream at the top of our lungs into the mail slot in the grown-up section.

In all seriousness, I think you might find it kind of nice to figure out a way to meet a nice, sensible, wise, woman who is older than you are and who would be more than happy to answer whatever questions she could answer for you. I know she wouldn't be able to answer some of the questions that only your mother could, but it can be nice to know that you have someone to talk about some of the basics with.

If you have a woman-friend who can discuss the important things you want to discuss, maybe it won't matter much if you don't know what your mother craved when she was having you...

I had a girl cat once, and she kind of "adopted" another, younger, girl cat as if it were her own kitten. It was so cute. Sometimes, too, you'll hear on the news that some duck (or some other thing) adopted a puppy (or some other thing). Nobody can take the place of having your own mother in your life, but it is about as natural and right as it gets for any creature to kind of be maternal toward a younger one.

Part of being a woman is having older women around to get some wisdom from, and part of being a woman can often be just being kind of maternal to someone who isn't your own offspring.

My point is I think you need to find a nice, solid, sensible, older, woman friend who would be right for the role of "Older Woman Friend" (not mother). You may be surprised at how much such a friend could offer you.

Answer 3

I still have my mom, but i often think of what life would be like without her. I call and talk to my mom each and every day to see how she is and if she needs me for anything. My mom is my best friend in the world and i don't know how i would carry on with out her. My girlfriend is Asian and although i love Asian food i still love American food sometimes, so my mom will shop for me and come over to my house and cook for me. I know someday she will pass on and i will only have memory's of her, I'm sorry for your loss I'll be sure to pray for you.

Answer 4

i lost mine in the age of 8 its not easy but there is always some one else that can help,we just have to accept how things are an make the best of it,and even a boy will miss their mom.

Answer 5

I'd say if you don't have your mom around to ask those questions, or anyone else in your life, I'd reccomend getting in touch with a group that offers counceling in those areas.

Answer 6

I'm not going to answer in full now, but I just want to say that yes, I'm in the same circumstance, and I'm sorry you have to go through it, because it is difficult and at times hurts. Write me, if you like.

Answer 7

i dont have my mother in my life because i cut her out of it. she was not a good person, and i needed to do that for my brother and myself.

Answer 8

yes i don't have mom seen 6 years old it is difficult for me ......
i dont want to till my story .