im with a man who had a very bad divorce. she remarried, its been 3 yrs...hes been with me almost 2 years.im very leaneant with my kids(3 kids) he is more strict and says they walk all over me, he says he cant handle the disrespect givin to me by them. he also says he loves me and is happy but not in love with me. i can except that you never know things could change. hes also said hes still in love with ex, but hates her for what shes done(she cheated lots and he hit her for it)im so hurt and confused...he dosent know if we can work it out, is this because me and the kids or is this issues from a past realtionship?? how can i fix this??me and the kids did a lot of crying and talking with him tonight, they dont want to lose him and said they'll work with him to change things....what do i do??
2006-09-04 19:47:19 · 7 answers · asked by thepainter 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Run (don't walk) out of this relationship. Why on earth would you stay with someone for this length of time who says he doesn't love you? Why settle? Why don't you look for what you want instead of what you'll settle for? Seek a therapist fast to help you with your self-esteem.
2006-09-04 19:54:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he has made peace with his past relationship and might be taking it out on you kids. You have a lot of work to do in order to make your relationship work. What concerns me though is the fact that he has hit his ex. No man has any right to lift his hands to any woman. He must decide what he wants. You and the kids or the ex. He cannot be in love with her and hate her. He really needs serious help.
Good luck
2006-09-05 03:49:39 · answer #2 · answered by robsnor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a combination of all three. The problem with you is that you are not only letting the kids walk all over you, but him as well. The man told you that he's not in love with you honey...surely that had to strike a nerve. Especially if this is the reason you are in the relationship...because you love him and expect the same. Then comes the kids. This happens alot. Step parents, usually tend to think they know better than the real parents and it causes conflict. If what he says is true, start disciplining a little more, demand some respect from your children, etc. That will straighten out if both of you are on the same page. This also means he has to lighten up a little to meet you in the middle on the child rearing. And last we come to his past relationship. This is the big one. He's stated he's still in love with her? And that he doesn't know if the two of you can work it out? Big red warning flags honey, and you know this. This man his carrying around more baggage than an airport carousel. If he hasn't dealt with all his past issues, they are only going to resurface. And from the looks of it, they are. He couldn't control his ex, so now he's trying to control you and your children. And if he doesn't see that happening, then he's already starting to check out of the relationship.
I know it's hard to hear, I know it's not the answer you were looking for, but it's information you needed to hear. You'll probably do alot more crying, but wouldn't it be better to realize this after 2 years instead of 10? Life has a funny way of working out for us. He may have just been a stepping stone to get you to where you are suppose to be in life. I don't think you should try anymore than you already are. Some things aren't meant to be fixed. They just are what they are.
2006-09-05 03:05:05 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he is trying to back out gracefully or telling you he is still in love with his ex so you can do the breaking up. He could fall in love with you but I would not risk yours or your kids happiness just to keep him around.As for your kids they probably need discipline just like mine do at times.Think long and hard before you waste anymore time with this man
2006-09-05 03:31:11 · answer #4 · answered by Katherine B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh he definitely has issues it sounds to me that he went from one relationship and jumped right into another one with you and the very fact that he says he loves his ex still even though she basically ran over him and basically disrespected both the vows they took and him as well but for him to sit here and tell you he loves u but not in love with u What the F U C * you deserve better than this hes using you and your kids as substitutes and thats not fair to you nor your kids you are everything that his wife isnt and thats all good but evidently thats what he wants he wants her or a woman just like her because he was in a comfort zone he evidently enjoyed the way she screwed him over gl move on you deserve better.
2006-09-05 02:56:36 · answer #5 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing is for sure, you are going to loose hime if you don't discipline your kids, and let him discipline them, children really need a fatherly figure.
Is a thing of the past? you have to understand if he still loves his ex, the most important thing is that he is happy with you.
You accepted himf AS IS, things could get better in time.
2006-09-05 02:53:56 · answer #6 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
probably
2006-09-05 02:59:35 · answer #7 · answered by not_prfikt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋