know what to think. He calls everyday, He has been dinking almost everynite, but calls to let me know when he is home and to tell me he loves me. His drinking was a big reason for not living with him. He is a good guy but I know I can't make him stop drinking because of me. That is something he has to want to do for himself.He says he simply enjoys drinking, I told him that was fine, and if that makes him happy, he has every right to live his life the way he see's fit. But I also have that right. I would like to know if I should just stop any contact with him and go on, or should I give it a little more time to see. It's hard to cut ties after 7 years. There has never been anyone else envolved from my side and I really don't think he has.
Please give me you'r input. Sometimes it's hard to see outside the box. Other's not involved can sometimes see more clearly.
(clean anwers please)
2006-09-04 19:29:20 · 8 answers · asked by Pittslady#1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am divorced also----at first me and the Mrs. would talk and even go out to dinnner once and awhile! When you spend alot of your life together-its hard to just stop caring for each other---unless of course -you just hate each other! You have to figgure out your relationship for yourselves. My ex and me are still close even though she has remarried and had her 1st child!
Drinking is a hard thing to overcome for both of you. You have done the right thing since if he was truely willing to stop drinking -he would have done it b4 your split.
Being friends with your ex is not easy--but it is soo worth it!
Why spend all the time and energy to hate each other when you have a past with each other. Take it a day at a time-and know that you both have your own lives now!
BEST OF LUCK
2006-09-04 19:40:41 · answer #1 · answered by f4fanactic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys love each other a whole lot but if you're unable to handle his drinking, then that's that. No more going back unless he changes. No point going back only to find out what you found out the first time you walked out the door. Something's gotta give, right? Why torture yourself?
It's very simple but very hard to do...I know. I am living a nightmare right now too.
If you went back, you've gotta, either tolerate the drinking and ask yourself how you're gonna handle his future drinking binges. If he stops and is not happy with it, how will you handle it?
Look, there is no perfect marriage but there should be a balance and compromise. Only if you're willing to compromise about the drinking thing will the marriage work. How much does it actually bother you, ask yourself? Why is it that you can't take his drinking? Does he get violent? Become abusive - verbally or physically? If that is the case....DON'T LOOK BACK!! But if that's not the case, then you may want to consider this...why are you having problems with his drinking if he's not causing your problems?
Drinking is not wrong but the behavior after the event of drinking should not be either.
Hope you can find your answer soon.
2006-09-05 02:50:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have lived the same exact thing you have!!! You have to cut all ties and let him live his life and start yours! My husband drank ALL the time and we seperated for 8 months because of it. The whole time he kept calling me and telling me how he loves me and how sorry he was and that he would quit drinking. I took him back and for 6 months he did not drink, but then once he started to get stressed out or if we had a fight he went to the bar and blew what ever money he had. Right now we are still together, but it has been decided that he has a month to save money and move out and we are getting a divorce. He wants to drink, that is fine, but I am not going to live with it. I know that it is hard, you love the man, but nobody has to live with the alcoholism. You have told him how you felt and he made his decision. You need to be stong and let him go, you don't owe him anything. I wish you the best of luck!
2006-09-05 09:02:09 · answer #3 · answered by sweet serinity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was he a drunk before you met?
Did you drive him to drinking?
Was he a drunk but you could fix that "little" problem?
Good grief, some people marry and divorce more often than I buy new work shirts. Wake up, get real, and make an adult decision on your own. Marriage is a two way street but I am sure you are perfect in every way. The whole problem is that S O B you married just wouldn't change to suit you. And after you graciously consented to marry him.
It takes two very dedicated people to make a marriage work. It is one heII of a lot of work. Just ask yourself; did you do your part??? And make the answer an honest one.
Now learn from that answer (regardless of what it is) and get on with your life.
2006-09-05 02:54:27 · answer #4 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you got a divorce then what are you holding on for....
"He calls everyday" - you must answer the phone¿
"It's hard to cut ties after 7 years"
do you really want them cut? you answer the phone, don't you?
If you want to "cut the ties" then why don't you tell him something like "if you keep calling then soon I'll stop answering"
if you don't want to "cut the ties" then why don't you two get back together?
.
.
your question talks a lot about "him" and little about you. So I don't have a belief, that I'll state here, about what YOU want.
2006-09-05 02:46:31 · answer #5 · answered by DM 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u husband really luvs u... u said he still calls u every night and tells u that he luvs u... don't think that if he luv u he must leave his drinking... he is addicted to it and its not easy for him for sure.. in such a situation if u really luv ur husband u must help him come out of it and take care of him... u must talk to him about the problem u r having due to his drinking ... both of u must put and effort and make things better...
i don't think what u r doing is right... no one is perfect in this world... u must work together as a couple and make things work perfect for u.. ins ted of thinking why is my husband not doing this for me... start questions urself what u r doing for him... give him luv and lots of care... luv can change anything in this world... it may take time but u will get back the same luv from u husband for sure
marriage is a bond a promise that we will stand by our partner in every ups and downs of life till the end... don't break it for a drinking reason...
be strong and talk to ur husband... i wish u both a wondeful life together...
good bless u
all the best honey
2006-09-05 02:46:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really loved you he would stop drinking or get some help. You should come berfore his drinking. If you cut the ties he might realize what his drinking caused him to lose and he might wake up. And if he doesn't then you know it wasn't meant to be. Good Luck.
2006-09-05 02:34:57 · answer #7 · answered by Obsidian © 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you continue to take his calls it's like saying it's all right to drink , tell him you'll only talk to him when he's sober, obviously he knew you were going to divorce him if he continued to drink and he's choose the booze not you, it a disease and he's not strong, when you take his calls your not encouraging him to seek help for himself , he figure he got his booze and you,
....you sound young, try and get on with your life, meet new people and I know you'll find happiness again, you sound like a lovely girl, and in the meantime your ex might get the hint that your getting on with your life..
2006-09-05 02:59:50 · answer #8 · answered by laney45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋