any women out there who find the idea of having children downright oppressive / depressing?

Question

am i the only one who does not view childbearing + parenthood in a positive way? it seems worse for the woman because the courts will usually prefer for the woman to keep the children in the event of the relationship breaking down. the man often gets away with little practical responsibility for the kids, just a financial obligation. so he therefore has the freedom to start afresh and the mum is stuck with the day to day parenting

Answer 1

Your outlook on life is downright depressing. First off, you are seeing your potential marraige as a failure. You can't go into marraige thinking there is an out. If you can see yourself leaving the person, don't marry them. Second, if you see children as something you are stuck with, please, please, please, use birth control. No child deserves that.

Answer 2

I have various feelings on this issue

Firstly I agree with the being tied down feeling, as soon as you have a child, ur stuck with it till it decides to move out, then there is all the emotional support, physical support, financial support, the worries, the troubles, the parent meetings, etc and this is only if you manage to raise a pretty good kid, with a bad one you have behavioural assessments, new teachers poking their noses in, social workers, the list goes on

Then theres the "father" (well thats a whole other department)

But I have to say I also think that if your in that right place in your head where you realise all or at least some of these things above are also destined to be part of having a child then I think the experience of having brought a new life into this world be pretty intense.

Im still on the deciding wether to be or not be!

Plus who is goin to look after you when your old?

Answer 3

I am a mum sometimes I find parenthood depressing and the man only really has to go and earn money to support us. I would prefer to work and let hubby look after the children I don't feel the children complete me they are little thorns in my side that i am stuck with. Don't get me wrong I love my children and i am very protective of them. It's just men have an easy ride.

Answer 4

I really don't want children as I would hate to lose spontaneity in my life, not be able to just pop out but having to make sure there's someone there to look after them or take them with me which would make anything take twice as long. I would work hard so my marriage doesn't break down if we got that bad, but I feel that children would just be a nuisance and intrusion on my life.

Therefore I use birth control, as if I had a child I would want to act responsibly towards it and couldn't get an abortion. I know any kind of contraception doesn't always work though, so I sometimes get quite scared about getting pregnant.

Answer 5

You are assuming, quite wrongly, that in the event of marital breakdown, women don't really want possession of their own children. I thought that your question might be a wind up. Even if you don't want children yourself, you must be intelligent enough to realise, that the vast majority of women actually do want to look after their own children; why else would they go to court over the matter. And, to state that the father is getting away lightly with only financial responsibility, when he will probably not see them very often, is laughable. Again, you are assuming that men don't want to see their own children.

Are you trying to prove that, once again, the woman is a victim, even when she clearly isn't. Are women really that devious and selfish? If you don't like or want children, for Gods sake, DONT HAVE THEM. But don't turn it into a selfish, it's alright for you men, feminist rant.

Answer 6

I think if you feel this way you're wiser not to have children.
Just for the record - the happiest days of my life have been the days my four children were born.
You speak looking only at the negatives. There are a lot of positives in having children. It's hard work, it's unpaid, there's little help. But my children are like my limbs. Part of me. I find them immensely interesting and fascinating.
My opinion, obviously!:)

Answer 7

Because it's a mental illness. In some ways it's just like what drives sociopaths to kill people. There's a little voice in the back of your head that tells you youre overweight and ugly and all this ****. It makes you feel guilty and self conscious. I wouldn;t really say it is created because of peer pressure because there are alot of anorexia and bulimic people who do it to themselves because they don't think they look good. It can be brought on in a variety of ways, it's not always because of other people. Also to everyone who did say something about 'fat' people, you're contributing to the disease, good job. Oh and one more rant, 'fat' people don't always just consume everything in sight. I'm 4'9' and 165 and I just am the way I am. I dont eat sweets and junk food always and I do exercise. So stop stereotyping.

Answer 8

I am sorry you feel this way, although I somewhat see your point. Myself, I want to have children, and will not want them to be taken away from me in case of separation with the father. Because unless one is really a genius, the care we give to our children and their children is all that we are really remembered for, when we are gone. Our children are what stands between us and death, oblivion.
I do find it depressive that there are so few men whom I would trust to be the father of my children - considering not only success in life, but also being able to join in creating a family and raising the children. And all of those I know are already taken... Well, I haven't given up hope yet :)

I also know you are not the only one who feels the way you do. Although less often, there are single dads out there.

Answer 9

I never had children and am glad I didn't. I have been married a long time and my husband and I agreed right from the start that we wanted to use the money that we would have spent on children on us. I always found the idea of children very depressing, the thought of looking after them, whilst my husband was at work and spending all our money on them, did not appeal.

Answer 10

Being a mum is tha hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life !!! When i'm having one of those days when i could just lay in bed longer or feel like vegging in front of the tv for a while, I can't !!!! I've got to be there for my child 24/7 !!! even when i'm ill !!!! My daughter determinds everything i do now........but hubby,,, he still does wot he always done,,,nothing has changed for him. Sometimes i would love to go to work for a break lol..... If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I'm coming back as a man !!!

Answer 11

Of course there will be !!!

There are many people who just do not want to have children and it is not always selfishness. Some people feel that they would not be good parents and choose not to bring a child into the world.

Jerry