My boyfriend proposed to me on my Bday last month and I love him very much,but Im nervous because I have doubts about the future sometimes.He's a great man, he would do anything for me. But we don't spend enough time together and it bothers me, he works seven days a week and doesn't have to ! I think he's money greedy. Also he has 2 daughter that he spoils to death, there 15 and 21. They told him not to have more kids and I want children two maybe three. He wants to but his kids are selfish.I don't like how he raises them.I fear that when it's time for us to have children there gonna be like his kids.I dont want that at all.Im 22 and he's 36 Im not your typical 22 year old I live alone, go to school,pay my own bills and have a good job a independent female. I don't like to feel like this but I can't ignore what I feel inside. HELP !
2006-09-04 19:15:00 · 10 answers · asked by SamB 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is 36 and have a 21 yrs old. Anyway, you should be worry and you should think hard about marry this man. Maybe you guys are not a match. You need to figure out what you can live with and what you can't. And if you don't like his style of parenting then maybe he's not the one. You are very young please wait.
2006-09-04 19:31:05 · answer #1 · answered by Apple 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very normal to have doubts. First, sit down with him and task him if he really does want more kids and if he says yes no matter what his kids say now do it anyway. For one I'm a step-daughter and when my step-mom came up pregnant when I was 16 I cried and realized that my parents weren't getting back together and that was the end of it. Second I'm 22 and married 5 years with 2 kids it is scary getting married so young but I love my husband and always will and I knew if you KNOW that then you'll be fine. Oh by the way, if you both do want kids talk to him about all the stuff he does with his kids now and let him know that is not how you want to raise your kids. It may be that his ex-wife is the one who started it and he just made it a habit.
2006-09-05 02:26:18 · answer #2 · answered by Mary 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me when I say this: if you have doubts, don't go through with the wedding.
It is a lot easier for both of you to deal with if you call it off before you get yourself into a marriage.
Several years ago my then bf and I had a decent relationship but he was working nights and I was working days and we really didnt see each other that much. When we did, we argued and he resented my ability to hang out w/friends. So we took a break.
On that break, he decided he couldnt live without me after all and proposed. I said yes, going on my feelings for him prior to our breakup. 2 weeks later I broke off the engagement.
Then I reinstated it against my better judgement. I knew walking down the aisle that I was making a mistake but I did it anyway and convinced myself that if I worked really hard, I could make things work and change the things that were wrong.
Well, it didn't happen that way. I gave it 2 years and I'll tell you that for most of that 2 years I was miserable.
If you have doubts, it's your gut's way of telling you to take a step back and evaluate the situation.
I think the fact that you're asking this question means you already know you don't want to do it but you want someone to tell you it's ok not to go through with it.
I can be that person.
Don't go through with it. It's ok to feel the way you're feeling.
2006-09-05 03:22:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Courtship should be the most glorious time of you life. If you are both devoted and love each other, not even the Great Wall of China could keep you apart. You should run as fast as you can to get away from this situation. You are right to have cold feet. This is a can of worms and getting married will not fix it or make it better. I think he is looking for an independent female but you will automatically loose your independence. Don't loose it. For a woman independence is very hard to come by. I'll say a little prayer for you.
2006-09-05 02:39:19 · answer #4 · answered by DeeJay 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sam marriage is a beautiful thing. I two got married at a early age and therefore I must tell you that whatever you are feeling right now discuss these issues with him not with us because if you decide to marry this man it is going to be about the two of you. Issues is the main thing that can BREAK a marrige because when you have issues that means that you are most likely not communicating to the one you are with. Remember to be open and honest with you and if he is half the man you love and feel is so great he still be loving you once everything is out and on the table. SMILE, IT WILL BE OK!
2006-09-05 02:22:42 · answer #5 · answered by atl 26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said he has a 21 year old daughter? He had her when he was 15? wow...well if you have kids with this guy, they wont turn out like his kids cause you wont allow it. Your their mother after all. Buts that is not the issue right now. Relationships is about compromise and it seems like you and your fiancee dont talk much cause you havent resolved this issues yet(which should have been done way before) Talk about it and see how it goes. And yes..it is normal to have doubts..It called COLD FEET.
2006-09-05 02:23:56 · answer #6 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why get married? You need to live a little - If you guys are together anyways - why bring marriage into this now. I think you should get to know him better and be more communicative with him and see if you see progress. Also if his children bother you - you need to remember that you are marrying them too. Your young - No need to rush anything. especially a topic like this.
2006-09-05 02:56:53 · answer #7 · answered by threeeyedshadow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is alot for you too handle, having doubts is very normal, i would really consider seeing a therapist about it, your insurance should cover most of it, i had to pay a $30 copay every time i saw her, that isnt very much... but she will help you to see some things you might be missing
I was in a relationship that was kinda like that.. please do something to figure it out before you commit, you will thank yourself afterwards
2006-09-05 02:26:03 · answer #8 · answered by penguin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
with all of that!! I would have broken the relationship already.
You are very young, just don't rudh things out.
2006-09-05 02:19:32 · answer #9 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
doubt is very normal
2006-09-05 02:37:09 · answer #10 · answered by brown 25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋