I'm not sure if I want to stay with my husband. We are going to counseling and it is helping with out communication skills, but i still don't desire him or even want to talk to him. Not sure it is fair to him but he always tells me that his life would be over without me. That makes me feel guilty and not want to leave, but even my friends say that I am not myself anymore
2006-09-04 19:14:38 · 15 answers · asked by Angela A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, you can't be responsible for your partner's happiness. Nor can he guilt you into staying. If it's not working, it's not working. These things happen. All the communication in the world can't force love.
I know it wasn't part of your question, but it also appears you've lost your own identity in the marriage somewhere along the way. That happens when you become so engrossed in making sure everyone else is fine, that we fail to take some time for ourselves. Your friends are probably right....you aren't yourself. Maybe reclaiming that identity will clear a few things up for you in regards to how you want to live the rest of your life.
I wish you well.
2006-09-04 19:26:24 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If the communication is improving then perhaps other areas will improve as well. How much time are you willing to give it? Did the counselor tell you that it would be normal for you not to desire him during this time period of introspection and working on the marriage? I think that's the case. It's even normal and acceptable to be angry in this phase ... so angry that you don't want to talk to him. Be open with the therapist about your lack of desire. (There's always a chance that it can come back.) Ask to be put on some type of a plan that you will go through the courting phase again. This is very good at rekindling the flame. When you've exhausted all resources, if you have no feelings for him, then the only acceptable thing to do would be to leave. By that time, he will understand that, even if he doesn't feel the same way. Just don't rush things. Give it a fair chance.
2006-09-05 02:35:29 · answer #2 · answered by Rvn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could it be that you yourself are suffering from depression, or burnout, or some other malady? Don’t be in a hurry to leave your husband, because you might just be going through a crisis – if you look back years later you could regret this terribly. Try to be kind to him and see if perhaps it is in reality your health, boredom, hormones, need for spice etc. Those things ‘can’ be fixed.
Maybe deep down, you still love him very very much. Be careful not to throw away what might be the best thing in the world for both of you – your love and your marriage.
2006-09-05 02:32:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you remember why you fell in love with him and married him?
Do you still go out of your way to make sure that he is happy and visa versa?
Are you suffering from depression?
These are things that need to be looked at in marriages. Complacency can kill a marriage fast and put you at risk your having an affair or divorcing.
Marriage takes alot of work and compromise. Needs need to be met or resentment starts.
For more information, visit this site:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com
2006-09-05 03:07:55 · answer #4 · answered by Twisted Maggie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The societal exceptance of (NON CONTESTED DIVORCE) has been one of the major factors in the degradation of the family and society in general. while i will not give you advice on something so private. i will say that statistics show that if you cant make your first marriage work then any subsequent relationships are usually short term. infact almost 65% of second marriages end in divorce compared to 50% of first. 3rd or even 4th marriages are ended in divorce 80% of the time. most divorces usually occur because one or both parties have their own selfish agenda in mind. what is your agenda?? do ya think the grass is greener on the other side???(IT USUALLY ISNT) do ya want a husband that makes more money? or is better looking? or is your boyfriend telling you to leave him so you can be together? as soon as you do he will dump you because the thrill is gone baby!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-05 02:40:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I totally agree with answer number 1. Guilt is no reason to stay in a loveless marriage. Your not getting what you need or want. You've moved apart into a place that doesn't seem to be able to mend. You gave it your best shot. I think it's time to move on and live again. Ultimately, you have to do what's best for you. Good luck!
2006-09-05 02:19:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't change someone...you can only change yourself. Maybe you're the one who's changed. Or it's not marriage counseling that you need...perhaps it's personal counseling on your part that will make it better. Not trying to offend you, just answering your question on the advise you requested.
2006-09-05 02:47:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
"...he always tells me that his life would be over without me..."
maybe he forgot a "t" in that sentence...
"...he always tells me that this life would be over without me..."
If you want to leave I don't want you to feel guilty...
"This" life
will be over...
and a new better life is just around the corner for you both,
that is unless one of you attacks the other, using, among other things, the legal system, as a weapon.
if you do leave then leave maturely.
.
.
If you don't want to stay with him then why are you?
if you don't want him then I believe it is not fair to him or you to stay.
If you stay then stay for yourself
if you leave then leave for yourself.
not for your friends or him.
.
.
2006-09-05 02:33:28 · answer #8 · answered by DM 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should never stay in a relationship because of guilt. You need to leave him and move on. He will hurt for awhile but time heals all.
2006-09-05 02:16:50 · answer #9 · answered by Alex 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your not happy get out now do not let him make you feel guilty about it. If you stay out of guilt you will be more unhappy then you are now~If he does something stupid it's his fault. He's being selfish telling you that stuff!
2006-09-05 02:18:09 · answer #10 · answered by she_she_kay 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋