I have been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months and during this time she was going through a divorce, and I helped her financially and emotionally to pass through this phase. I reiterated to her several times we can't have sex w/o condoms, but she told me that she is allergic to latex, and prefer bare back. I tried to resist her not to have sex, saying that we should wait until marriage, though sometimes we just got carried away, and did it anyways. Now she is 2 wks pregnant, and she says she will raise the baby, even though I have broken up with her. we still talk, though I told her I am not ready for marriage yet, and plus she can't get married until 6 months (divorce law) ; Also I am from Asia, and she is from US, so I don't know how it would apply to me legally - in terms of child support etc. I do want to help my girlfriend in whatever way I can; I am 28 and she is 25, do i have to marry her (she still loves me & would like to), just because of the child; please advice.
2006-09-04 18:35:26 · 16 answers · asked by curious25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
how do you know it is your child? I guess this is a lesson for you to learn.
You don't have to marry her unless you love her and want to marry her. In this country no one makes anyone marry anyone.
If you aren't ready to marry, then be engaged and see how things work out.
Just be sure you marry her because you want to and not becasue you feel obligated. This is a free country you know. You have choices. And please NO quilt if you don't want to marry her.
2006-09-04 19:02:22 · answer #1 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you are very caring, responsible and for the most part, logical. First, I would make sure that the baby is yours. Do not put your name on the birth certificate until you have a paternity test. If she got pregnant after you broke up, she may have slept with someone else or may have had relations while you were dating. In terms of your statistical information, the baby will be American; however, you do not become a citizen unless you were to marry. Do not marry her before the six month period is up. If you do, the marriage is not legal. I am being the devil's advocate here. She may be trying to set you up as the father for support and a way to easily get out of the relationship. If you were to admit to being the father upon birth, sign the birth certificate, marry her as if you were the father, etc... she could set you up as knowing you weren't the father and argue in Court that you knew you weren't the biological father and come after you for support of a child that does not belong to you or later on down the line (years) come after you for back support. If you are the father, you need to decide whether you want rights to the child or whether you want to give the child up legally so she cannot come after you later on. You should seek advice from an attorney, both immigration and family law, to find out what your rights are. She would have you in her control because you are not a citizen and threaten to have you deported if you didn't pay her, etc. You have no obligation to marry until you feel ready. You can be a good father to the child in a separate household if you are not ready. Do not jump into marriage because you feel obligated. It is important for the child that the parents are in a loving relationship.
Good luck.
2006-09-05 02:10:49 · answer #2 · answered by Kitt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. First of all, you have no legal obligation to marry her. I would, however, sit down with her and discuss all the various options. Does she WANT to get married? Does she WANT you to, say, move in with her? How much help is she expecting from you in the first place?
Are you two citizens of the same country? If not, one of you--if you plan on raising the child together--should probably attempt to gain citizenship so that the bond to the child can be made completely legal.
The main thing here, definitely, is communication. This is a scary thing for both of you, and it is important that you are on the same page.
2006-09-05 01:41:39 · answer #3 · answered by Esma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should never marry someone because they are pregnant. Every relationship like that always ends badly. If you want to be in the child's life then you can do that without being married. I think that no matter what you will be obligated to pay child support through.
2006-09-05 10:01:33 · answer #4 · answered by jacemo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never marry just for a childs sake. If the parents are unhappy, then the child suffers more - through living in an environment frought with tension and resentment. Be a good parent and ensure she does the same but don't mess a kids life up only to divorce later.
2006-09-05 01:39:42 · answer #5 · answered by soulgirl76 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I feel that you still love her , and I feel you now you have a commitment to have your child grow up in a family life and not down the streets , am I right ?
If yes then you will marry her and will be an honest man as I read your lines .
2006-09-05 02:13:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry her just for the child's sake. Marry her because you two want to get married. And how did she find out she was 2 wks. pregnant anyway? She wouldn't even be having any symptoms or anything.
2006-09-05 01:39:50 · answer #7 · answered by sweet.pjs1 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ABSOLUTELY! As soon as her divorce is final, get your marriage license and marriage certificate. Make sure you get married before your child is born so your child will not be born illegitimately, that is a bastard, out-of-wedlock. It's very important to that child, who one day is going to grow into an adult, that you two think of his/her future and legacy and stop worrying about your present.
The answers saying don't marry her is so much crap, I can't believe how selfish some people are. Think of their KID who's going to grow to be an adult! It's all about the KID, at least give it a chance!
2006-09-05 01:44:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Couldn't you and your girlfriend get back together for the sake of the baby to come and just live together until you feel that you're ready to get married? That sounds like the best way to do things if you're not ready to get married as of yet.
2006-09-05 01:52:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I personally would not marry a person just because your expecting a child.That was my mistake and believe me you will see the results of getting married with a person that you just don't want to be with in the first place.This doesn't mean that you cant be involved in that child's life but believe me it will be better in the long run. Good Luck......
2006-09-05 01:40:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋