After several failed, messy relationships: parental, husband, boy friend of 6.5 years, betrayal by stepfather, dad walks away from kids and grand kids, bestfriend and mother dies young, care for her mother who dies 4 years later of Alzheimers. Having to be the one to reinforce the DNR orders on both of them, lost my other grandmother and feel like a 35 year old orphan. I don't trust men because of so much betrayal and abandonment. I want to be open for love, but have a steel reinforced band around my heart that leaves me numb. Any advice would be very appreciated!
2006-09-04 17:50:55 · 9 answers · asked by queen of broken heart 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You have been hurt badly. I honestly don;t know if you can trust another man again.
Perhaps a support group can assist
2006-09-04 17:53:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I wish I could give you a hug right now. Sounds like you need one.
The best advice I could offer is to not try to deal with this on your own. I would find a good therapist. Therapy isn't for crazy or weak people, it's for normal, good people who have too much pain and hardship dumped on them. You've been through so much, and you need a chance to heal. The fact that you want love, and haven't resigned yourself to a life of bitterness is very good. You deserve a chance to let someone give to you.
I wish there was a great one-liner or proverb that would change things for you, but walls are built over time, and take time to come down. Find someone who can offer you that time.
2006-09-05 01:10:50 · answer #2 · answered by dave 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have huge walls around my heart. I convinced myself I was happy with them and they were never coming down. No one was getting in either. I met someone a few months ago and I realized that some how he found a way in my walls. I'm still fighting it every step of the way. I told him all about my huge walls and I wanted to know how he got in. Every once in awhile I try to push him out. He say's he's not going anywhere I can push him away all I want. He's staying.
So when you least expect it they will come down. I know it sounds crazy but it will happen when it is supposed to. My walls were up for about 7 years. It took a guy I hadn't seen since I married the man that made those walls. He was my ex husbands best friend!
2006-09-05 01:06:48 · answer #3 · answered by danadeville 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accept the fact that you've been hurt and have to heal before you can move on to what your looking for in a caring relationship.There's no time limit but you must heal and understand that everyone is not the same and are not out to hurt you.It could very well take a life time to find the right person but you have to have faith and need time to redevelop that trust again .Once you do love will come to you,just have faith. Good luck to you.
2006-09-05 01:00:40 · answer #4 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have gone from parents hateing me to losing everyone I have ever loved, now my ex is trying to keep my oldest two kids away from me. It makes it very hard to trust anyone, and you feel very lonely and sad. Just let people in only a little bit at a time. Keep that guard up, but let a little leway. I met a man that adores me and my kids. I love him to death, but I dont show it openly. I dont want him to think he has the upper hand, the walls are coming down very slowly, but they are beginning to come down. We have been living together for three months and its good. Just dont give up completely just keep your guard.
2006-09-05 00:58:23 · answer #5 · answered by cindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't bother. Somebody else will just come along and cause you to rebuild it anyway. Sorry to be a downer, but people sure can stab you in the back when you open your heart to them and/or trust someone completely.
2006-09-05 00:56:12 · answer #6 · answered by Chick with pets 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem as you. I have so much baggage. But you know what you need to just let it all go and focus on what you want in your life today. Who you want to be and how you want your life to be starting today!! Life is what you make out of it. Slowly start talking to people let them know exactly your situation as soon as you are comfortable and then see what happens. You cant let the fear of losing someone else rule your life for ever.
good luck my dear and if you ever need a friend let me know
2006-09-05 00:55:27 · answer #7 · answered by www.myspace.com/yourmomentofjen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep it....but sometimes get out of it and try to explore andexperiment even if it'll hurt.
2006-09-05 01:03:17 · answer #8 · answered by mctorn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself time, you will do just fine.
2006-09-05 01:02:38 · answer #9 · answered by clbinmo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋