do you think I need to tell my parents and family I'm gay?

Question

If I was a white guy, my parents and family probably would still accept me if I am gay, but you know how they all say, if you are white you are mostly accepted y our parents and family even if you are gay, but If you are black, you might as well go and kill yourself or try to hide it. Why is most black folks more agaisnt homosexual than an average white person is against homosexual

by the way I'm a black guy

Answer 1

I'm going to talk to you like I've know you a long time because I know how you feel but I'm white and I'm older now and I never told my parent and now it's too late. Look it don't matter what race we are we always feel it's so much easier to be someone else and it's not. I'm in my early 40's and I still won't tell my brother in fear he will hate me or worse disown me and that's sad. Now to answer your question: Only you know the answer to this, ask your self if you think they can get passed this or be prepared that this might not go over well and it might take a long time for the dust to clear.

I wish you luck with this I know its hard.


:)

Answer 2

Oh wow, that is a difficult question, no matter what your origins. It's easy to say white families will accept no matter what but it isn't true. And there are some (east asian and islamic countries especially) who will not accept that, period, you are dead to them - of course in anything that is the extreme and sadly, that could be pretty much any family. I wish I could say there are magic words to say to your family that works with blacks, or east Indian, or Saudi Arabian, but there aren't. All you can be is you.

How tied are you to your home town? Can you move away and establish a life a distance away? I ask because if your family is ashamed and won't accept it, it may be easier for them if you aren't close by. Another thing is, if they are religious, is there a trusted church member who is gay who you can talk to them with you? If you are in a really really close minded area then you may want to wait until you are sure you can tell how they will react. You never know, a parents' love can surmount pretty much anything, unless they are so rigid in their thinking that they cannot accept this.

If this is the case, tell them, be honest, but then be prepared to go on your own way, as sad as it is.

Answer 3

There are a lot of things you need to take into consideration:

Where you live, since certain parts of the US and the world are much more accepting; then there's what your parents' and family's belief system is - the "black church" is not accepting of homosexuality; how old you are - are you independent or still living at home. Last but not least and most important the answer to the question of how you truly feel about yourself - are you confident and happy with who you are or are you internally homophobic and ashamed? If you are ashamed then that will come out in your voice and your whole body language if you were to tell your family.

As a black woman who's mother is an extremely religious Catholic, I anguished over when to tell her and I went into therapy before coming out to my family. I also had been married and had 3 children before I finally came to grips with the fact that I was a lesbian while in my 30's. So I knew that me telling them after all that time of living as a heterosexual woman would just turn their world upside down. After my divorce I sought therapy and one of the things this therapist said to me is that I should not tell my family until I had "come out" to myself. What she meant was that until I could accept and love myself and not be in any way ashamed of who I was then there was no way I could stand up confidently and tell my family and deal with whatever reactions they might have without going through self-recrimination.

When I was ready, I came out to various people in my family: my children, my sisters, my relatives and lastly my mother. It was not easy and it took my mother years to become comfortable and accepting of me. Now she's at an amazing place. She really likes my partner a lot and they get along famously. I never thought I'd see the day! The journey is rough, my brother, but it's worth the effort.

Answer 4

as far as the white verses black difference in acceptance of your homosexuality goes, whites are in trouble any way they turn with an opinion that is going t get them labeled as bigots. Blacks, on the other hand, can call each other the "N" word and its OK. Go figure.

Do you NEED to tell them? You NEED food clothing shelter, and air to breath. But you don't NEED to tell them anything.

You assume that your sexuality is some how important. Go cry a river build a bridge and get over it. I have about as much intrest,....no....let me rephrase that. I have more interest in the day to day fluctuations in the price of rice in china than I do your sexuality. Why do gays have such a NEED to make a public issue out of their sexuality. When is the next heterosexual pride parade?

Life will not stop because your parents don't know. The universe will not collapse in on its self if they don't know. They will not stop breathing if they don't know. If it is going to cause problems then why are you even considering it. Sure go make waves, stir the hornets nest. I'm sure thats a great idea.

Here is a complete list of "Who needs to know".
1. you
2. the one your sleeping with.
3. nope that was it.

I highly doubt your family needs any extra drama. I also doubt they have not figured it out.

So leave it alone and go live your life. Havent you got something better to do?

Answer 5

I am not black, male, or a gay male. So it's hard for me to answer this. It seems though to me, that black people have more of a tendency to need to look tough, strong. They need to be strong, tough people, especially because of racism and the horrible past. This is just an observation, and by no means am I saying that all black people are like this. Anyway, perhaps black people are not as willing to accept homosexuality because it has the stereotype of being a sissy, wimp, wuss, etc. But there are tons of white people who don't accept gay people either. You'll have to tell your family eventually. You should be honest. If your family loves you, it may take awhile, but they will HAVE to accept it because you are family. I hope you find the courage and strength to be honest.

Answer 6

You didn't give your age, so it's hard to say. I am not sure why, but I a surprised that a gay and black guy would use such generalities as "if you are white you are mostly accepted". You know your parents and family. You'll tell them when the time is right. (BTW, "if you're gay, your parents usually already know it on some level".)

Answer 7

Wow - I find this to be very interesting........ I had no idea that it would be harder for black people to "come out" to their family than it would be for white people. I understand their are some cultural differences....however, their are cultural differences even between white people depending on their religion, background, etc. Ultimately....I think the big question is whether or not to tell the family. This is what I think: As long as you know and understand that being gay is actually "who you are" and not what you "think" you are, than by all means tell them. They may not understand, at first, and it may be stressful. But, they are your parents and your family and they love you, so they should accept you for who you are; as long as you are not creating harm to others.

Answer 8

Because our culture has a thing about being ultra masculine. This has been inculcated by our African ancestors and we were even enslaved for such reasons. The perfect lean and strong African warriors and workers. This is our image. There is a big Gay community out there. I would come out only if you are on your own and don't live with them. Be prepared for a back lash or possibly disownment but also Know that you are beautiful and in no way wrong for being who you are. You have no choice in the matter you were born gay that's it. Please contact me if you ever need to talk, don't ever commit suicide!

Answer 9

I don't think that's true? And even if is, why worry, because you know your family will still love you anyway. You know that. Why wouldn't they? Being black, they know how people can hate those different from them. I would be stupid for them to hate you. There are millions of black gay people. I knew a bi black guy, and all of his friends knew he was bi, and didn't care. Be honest with your family. In the end, you would be glad you did. Best wishes.

Answer 10

Well, I don't think you need to tell anybody you don't want to about your sexual orientation. I'm surprised I had no idea that black people were more homophobic than anyone else (the fact that there are no black people here--might explain that)..But I do know men who have had long standing affairs with black men and they seem to have no problem telling their families..(i mean the black people telling their black families)...so I guess I really don't know how to answer your question. You'd be welcome here..that's about all I can tell you.