How can this be?

Question

I know someone who has been through alot of abuse (non-physical) and yet came out of it all with a superiority complex! How can this be?

Answer 1

That's how their psyche survived all the abuse - was to become larger than life, larger than the abuser, larger than the problem.

Answer 2

I'm a walking. breathing classical example.For yrs I endured a lot of emotional and psychological abuse from my second husband. I don't know what's the matter with me. An intelligent,educated, and vital woman allowing herself to be controlled by this mean ,unkind, stupid, high school graduate.

He left and divorced me some 4yrs ago now. Thereafter, I was literally an emotional basket case. For two yrs. I was in deep depression. Obviously, my self esteem and self confidence must have been so low. I let this control and neatpick freak manipulated me. Only after 2yrs of solitary living, did I finally realize the fool I was. And I didn't even loved him that much. It was more of a co-dependent relationship.

He was an alcoholic. When he was drinking, he was slightly better. When he stopped, he became so intolerable.;and insufferable. He ridiculed me in public. He told our friends intimate details of our sex life. It was very humiliating. I felt suffocated, overshadowed and literally a piece of ****.

Now, i'm on way to recovery. But I don't have any superiority complex. As a matter of fact I just met a guy via the internet who's always scolding me and putting me down when i try to express my opinions. So much so that one time I lashed out at him. But I'm not a mean person. So I try to keep my cool and composure. After all, I'm still a lady. And I don't have to prove myself to anybody.NO, I don't have a superiority complex nor a defensive one. Just being cautious.

Answer 3

If this person was generally an intelligent, capable, strong, solid person with common sense it is quite possible that as the abuser was belittling her she was thinking inside, "What a jerk this is, but I can't stop him from doing this." The more she (I say "she" because its easier. I know this person could be a he.) watched this abuser being ridiculous and unreasonable and mean, the more she started to realize how superior she was.

She may not have a "superiority complex". Maybe she really is superior. There are people who are superior to other people, whether we lilke to say that aloud or not.

It is possible for a person to know in their head (and in spite of constant abuse) that they are strong, intelligent, decent, solid people. The problem is that not being able to stop the abuse can make a person feel helpless (even if they don't feel inferior). Once the person gets out of the situation where they are made to feel helpless against an abuser who just won't stop, they go back to their old confident (with their old "complexes" or whatever else they had before they were in a helpless situation) self.

The thing many people don't seem to realize about abuse is that it may actually be more common for a strong, intelligent, decent, person to be "immune" to the attacks of a cowardly but aggressive abuser because being attacked by a jerk doesn't tend to have the impact that being attacked by someone one admires may.

Sometimes, too, when a person has lived through a long stretch of really awful circumstances they may come through that awful stretch seeing how strong and capable and intelligent and decent they have proven themselves to be - and maybe they just come to think they deserve to feel a little proud of themself for at least a while.

People who are strong and solid and independent and intelligent can have their lives made miserable by an abuser, and they can temporarily be made to feel helpless, but many abusers' only power is their aggressiveness; and the "abusee" who has no respect for the person who has nothing but aggressiveness to go on isn't about to see pure aggressive, cowardly, lack of self-control as anything worth paying attention to once safety has been found.

Answer 4

The extreme result of defense mechanism. Instead of recoiling and becoming reticent, the victim of the abuse turns aggressive by following the adages:

"Gone through the worst, what else could you give that I haven't survived?"

and

"Been there, done that! You're still on your way, I'm now on my way back!"

Answer 5

Could be any # of reasons
Two that i can think of off hand is 1) it's a front or 2) They were trained to be stronger than the abuser in order to survive and so now they ARE stronger and a bit rougher and harder than they would have been without that circumstance.

Answer 6

This seems impossible most abused people struggle daily that no one really is honest or loves them ..they are pretending to feel confident so they can get over the abuse ..

Answer 7

I say "hats off to this person". For those of us who weren't abused,we really don't know how we would turn out,Hopefully I would be strong but one never knows.

Answer 8

When a person stops playing the blame game they become free to be the master of their own destiny. Thoise in charge of their own lives really do have it better than the rest.

Answer 9

Loved them Self unconditionally.

Answer 10

Some of us really do see the light at the end of the tunnel,and we know not to just stand there because if we do we will die.

Answer 11

You'll find an interesting discussion of this at

http://www.yoganandaji.org/board/showthread.php?t=3438b