I am in my tenth year of misery.
I really don't know why or how we lasted as long as we have. (Not much in common. ) I have found myself hating him as of late.
He lost yet another great job. He keeps telling me he is just laid off, but he wont call and see if they need him yet. This happens with EVERY job he gets. I am so fed up that I really can't take anymore of his crap.
See he left state for 2 glorious weeks, and in that time my oldest teacher noticed an improvement in his behavior. Heck even I was happier. Pretty much after this happened I really got thinking I might be better off alone.
I don't want another man or anything.
My main problem with everything is he won't even talk with me about any of it. Instead he leaves EVERY nite, supposedly to friends.
I really don't know but 10 years and he still can't get it together.
So now I guess I just need some outside help. Thanks
2006-09-04 17:02:38 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks based on what every one had to say, I think I will get myself to where I can fully provide for my kids on my own and leave. Mind you this may take another year but its already been ten so 1 more year.
My sincerest thanks!!
2006-09-05 10:51:06 · update #1
take the kids with you... and leave...
2006-09-04 17:04:09 · answer #1 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand about leaving state or a teacher.
Are there a lot of financial problems in addition to bad behavior? Sounds like you both are really s t r e s s e d o u t. You both should go to counseling first. It sounds like you never did and that's why it's been ten years without improvement for either of you. There are programs that will help you get it if money is an issue. All the problems will come out in the open and be addressed and then you can say you gave it your best shot. Good luck to you.
2006-09-05 01:45:49 · answer #2 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe your best bet is to talk to a lawyer. You probably can get some type of assistance if you check with your county. You need to know what choices you have. If you take the kids and leave is it considered abandonment? And, many more questions that may affect your kids. Will you need to find another home to live in or will he? How will things be split up? Can you make it on your own? Can you get help from your state? Do you have parents or relatives that can give you some mental support? Do you have someone to talk to (like a pastor). You are not being fair to the kids by staying in this relationship. Nor are you being fair to YOU. Even if you have to scrimp and save and not have every necessity, it would be better than living like you are. He sounds as if he is in the same boat as you. Possibly, even using you. I give you credit for sticking it out 10 long, drawn out years!
2006-09-04 17:15:02 · answer #3 · answered by HolidayGurl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your situation. I am unhappy and I think about leaving all the time. The big thing for me is money. I have a good job, but lots and lots of debt and fear. If you have money saved and a place to live and you're READY to do it and not afraid, then I say go for it. You will be happier in the long run and so will your kids. Good luck to you.
2006-09-04 17:27:29 · answer #4 · answered by Margarita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tried to leave in year 12 but stayed because of the kids. I then spent the next 15 years in celibacy and misery. I did no one any favors by staying for the kids. Get the hell out!
2006-09-04 17:40:58 · answer #5 · answered by art_tchr_phx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough question. Its always best the stay together for the kids. They are most important, and they need both parents.
That being said, there comes a time when staying together is more harmful then good for them. If you are noticing that the kids are happier when he is gone, then it would be time to leave.
2006-09-04 17:35:30 · answer #6 · answered by seatony 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very against divorce, but all I can think of is give him an ultimatum. Either he gets it together and go to counseling or you want a divorce. If he goes to counseling with you, hopefully things will get better. If he decides he wants the divorce than you know you have tried everything. That it isn't you giving up. It is that he isn't willing to work towards making your marriage and family happy.
I am sorry that you aren't happy and I hope that he picks getting it together, but if he doesn't, realize it was never you. That he destroyed the marriage, not you. Don't feel let yourself feel guilty, God will know you have tried everything and that you are taking care of yourself and your family.
2006-09-04 17:30:07 · answer #7 · answered by galbee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello Retrofem !
I'm in the same position as we speak...
LEAVE NOW !!!
After ten years, things didn't get better ?
It never will either..
I could kick myself for not leaving...
I'm sick and tired, of being sick and tired of my depressing situation... ..... ...... Oops, you asked a question ?
Hey there, if you guys don't split up, you WILL lose your sanity; trust me, ok ?
I can totally relate, believe me... My heart goes out to you sweetie. He's got to go. Heck, let him stay at one of his friends house, since he likes it there so much...
My mother told me a woman can be miserable by herself.
Life is tough enough; if you have a man in your life, he should at least make you happy, not the other way around.
Forgive my ramblings, what I'm trying to say is; it's never too late to exit a miserable relationship.
Love, light, and peace
tishy
2006-09-04 18:25:53 · answer #8 · answered by bubletish 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know your marriage has hit rock bottom when you look forward to your partner leaving. I seen how you emphasized 2 Glorious Weeks! If you are miserable and he is not willing to meet you halfway through counseling and getting a job, then you have to leave because stress not only takes years away from your life, it can eventually kill you.
2006-09-04 17:14:52 · answer #9 · answered by sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to see a counselor, . . .then an attorney. This doesn't sound too promising.
One thing is, he is probably VERY tired of you wanting to talk TO him about the same issues, namely, HIS behavior. So you need a moderator, in order for the two of you to take turns talking WITH each other about the things you NEED in each other.
Serious;y, this needs professional moderation to work.
But no, don't stay in misery just for the child. the child is not helped when you are so unhappy!
2006-09-04 17:48:38 · answer #10 · answered by seeitmiway32 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to be miserable. But before you go, make sure you have a good job, money saved, a working car and a place to live. You didn't say how old your children are, but you need to be prepared for him to share custody. Lawyers cost money, where is that going to come from?
Get a plan of action and get working on it, if nothing else it will distract you.
2006-09-04 17:08:25 · answer #11 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋