my children dont want to go on there visitation with ther father. they are afraid of him. what do i do?

Question

we have had supervised visitation and he uses them as a pawn to get to me. even at supervised he intimidates them.he has been late some times and sometimes doesnt show up .but he has ways of making the kids feel like it was there fault for the break up.

Answer 1

Unfortunately the courts will order you to send them .That is if it goes to court. I know from first hand experiences with the father of my grandchildren. The father pretty much has to be a child molester or equally as bad to not have some kind of access to their children. I know it sounds cruel especially if the children are afraid but obviously somethings in the judicial system need some serious changes made.In my grandchildrens case the father didn't even want them it was just a way of upsetting my daughter.He lied his **** off in court and the judge believed him.I think that the judges should ask for a few character references from both sides of the families, speak to the children when neither parents can scare them and then make their decisions. It is just so unfair on the kids to be forced into something like that when they are obviously so afraid.Good Luck l hope all works out well for you and especially your poor innocent kids.

Answer 2

If I were you I would go to the family court and explain the situation to a court clerk. They will be more than cooperative to answer your questions and give you suggestions on how to deal with your situation. Also, I would consult an attorney that deals with child custody cases to try to push the court for supervised visitation where there would be a officer present while your husband spend time with the children. I know this is not the way that you would want things to be, but your children's health and well being comes first. Always listen to your children's concerns because there are a lot of parents of abused children that wished they had listened to their children. Good luck and take care. I just read your added details and when their father starts the intimidation, do you let the officer know what he is doing? Anytime that he do those types of things, you need to inform who is there supervising the visit so if you take him to court you will have someone to back up what you are saying and terminate all his visitation rights. You should get your children into counseling as well so they can heal from all the trauma and so you can have a recommendation from a medical professional that it would be in the best interest of your children for them not to be around their father. I know I sound harsh, but I am a firm believer in keeping children safe above anything.

Answer 3

You know when it comes to protecting a child, there are not too many things that are off limits. You don't mention how old the kids are, but if one of them is old enough, put a voice activated tape recorder where your ex wont find it. Like with something in their bag of toys or clothes or if you drop them off, when he is not in the room, or where he can't see it Maybe behind or in something.
Once you get him on tape intimidating the kids, or other inappropriate behavior, take the tape right down to the police and have him arrested. Then march right over to your attorney, or if no attorney to the court and file a petition to cease any and all visitation.
I know this may be viewed by some as dirty, but like I said, protecting a child has very few, if any limits.
What this also does is keeps your kids from having to "choose" a parent, hell they don't even have to know if at all possible. Keeps you from doing the same thing as your ex is doing.
There is a reason those kids are afraid. It could be nothing, but you can't take that chance. Getting it on tape without involving the kids or having to ask them would be emotionally, the best way.

Answer 4

My ex husbands sister used to beg her mother to go shopping with her instead of leaving her at home with her father. Her mother thought she was being silly, so left her at home with him. When she was 17 she told a counsellor that she had been sexually assaulted since the age of 7. If the mother had picked up the signs a lot earlier, this situation could have been stopped and the girl helped a lot sooner.

I am not saying this is happening to your children, but something is going on. Kids, in the majority of times, do not imagine anything. If they are afraid of him, then its for good reasons. Same as this little girl used to beg her mother not to leave her at home. She was too young to verbalise what what actually happening to her, plus the father used threats that if she ever told anyone, no-one would believe her and would not love her any more.

There are many reasons why a child will not tell you exactly why they are afraid, just believe them when they say they are and stop any kind of visitation with this man until this matter is sorted out. The childrens welfare is paramount. Seek a counsellor first, then a lawyer....work out what the problem is with the children, then decide if he is fit to have any kind of visitation with them at all.

If he is abusing them in any way, whether it be physical, sexual or verbal it still constitutes abuse. If an adult uses his/her power over a child to cause them fear then he/she has no rights. The children come first. Do not let anyone tell you any different.

You might end up having to go to court...he may force you, but stand your ground and get as much professional support as you can possibly get if it gets to that point. You can document everything the kids say to you, but in a court situation, it may not be taken as seriously as if you have a professional stand up for you and your childrens rights.

Answer 5

if the visitations are already supervised i suggest contacting the proper authorities to see what can be done a lawyer or something for a free consultation or go to the friend of the court office or even the prosecuting attorney office im sure any of them can direct you to the advise you need....if they are not supervised i would get them supervised again for the mean time until you can figure the rest out as it may take time.... sorry honey.... courts are slow...

Answer 6

You need to find the source on why they are so afraid of your ex. He could be abusive to them. Ask them why they are scared to go visit thier Dad. If they say that it is because he is abusing them I would suggest you fight for full custody. If they are just scared because you may be bashing him in front of them then I suggest you stop so they can have a loving relationship with thier father. You just need to find out why they are scared and take action if necessary.

Answer 7

Talk to your children - calm and caring chats. Set your head, as best as you can remember yourown childhood, at the age of your children - at their level of understanding. You have to learn the REAL reason they are afraid of their father.

Then you will know what to do.

Mochica

Answer 8

I would call their father and tell him what is going on and that the kids are afraid of him.......If he is a danger to them, I would NEVER allow my kids to go, if not, maybe they just don't know him very well.......I would have him come see the kids under YOUR watchful eye a few times, first........Take care........

Answer 9

It will have to be done thru the courts. It is a real shame when children are afraid of there dad.

Answer 10

oviusly something really wrong. i would do the same as he. he shows up act like your not home.be late sometimes. Then tell your children see how daddy hurts us. Thats what cause the break-up.