My husband is not interested in our home at all. We have lots of things that need to be fixed (painting, structural damage repaired, and just daily cleaning) I feel I am the only one on OUR team- and because of this, I feel alot of bitterness towards him. We have been through marriage counseling but it really did not seem to help any matters. I need some serious feedback from you ladies that have this same problem.
2006-09-04 16:20:17 · 24 answers · asked by zita 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Girl, just give it to God! LOL You are not the only one, we all deal with this, I think men have a special gene that blocks them from participating in those types of activities. What I do, is I hire people to do the things he won't, but I tell him first in case his pride gets the best of him and he wants to give it a go. It's just not worth stressing over, so I just about do everything myself, cleaning the house, the yard work, minor repairs ect. Us types of girls envy those women who seem to have married Handy Dan, who has the perfect workshop in the garage, trims the hedges into neat animals, has the greenest lawn on the block, retiled the bathroom. Nope! You've got what you got and you'll make your life alot easier if you put your energy into something that might bear fruit.
2006-09-04 16:33:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there girlfriend. First let me say you need to forgive him and get rid of the bitterness. Hard thing to do but well worth the effort. You know things aren't going to change and you can't change him so what does that leave? You can change!
Start small but get started with the cleaning. Do one room at a time until they are all finished. It may take a week or a month but just get started. As for the things that need fixing - do you have any friends who have handy husbands? If you like to bake or cook or sew or draw or paint, you could barter your services for some help. Once you get your house cleaned, you might want to ask a friend or two to help you with some of the repair projects. Maybe your husband will get the picture, maybe not. But you will get some satisfaction from having the house clean and repairs done.
This all may take time. You may need to sell something to pay for repairs or materials. It will be worth it in the end. Just get started. Here is a website that you might find helpful, it really gave me some great ideas and a new attitude.
Author Sandra Felton has written several funny and encouraging books for folks like us. Here is her website. She is a hoot and will help you get started so your life is more sane. You will feel so good about yourself and your house when you get done, it won't matter about your husband! He will notice a big change too! Best regards to you, friend.
2006-09-04 23:42:03 · answer #2 · answered by Tatochka 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I suppose I have a lot of questions to ask in return about the situation... Do you know how he was as a Bachelor? Maybe he is just not in to that sort of stuff. Would you consider moving to a newer home in an area where landscaping was a part of homeowners assoc? If he has a lot of stresses and pressures at work, maybe he doesn't want to deal with more at home. Resolution takes two people giving and not just one person insisting on it being their way. Is it just with house duties you feel abandoned or is it emotionally? If it is just household stuff, take away the pressures, move to an easier home. If it is emotional, seek another counselor. Trust me, divorce takes many years to get through. It is not the end all answer. Marriage is a union of two people committed to each other for life. It is supposed to be permanent, not temporary. There is always give and take. Sometimes there is more give than take than other times in the relationship. Ask him if he would be willing to afford house help for things that need to be done so you two don't have to stress about it. Divorce is not the answer.
2006-09-04 23:51:07 · answer #3 · answered by stillnessistruth 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His problems go way deeper than the house. Hopefully, with the counseling, you'll be able to see what's really going on with him and you can work thru that to get to the house matters. If you need to take a break and take some time for yourself in order to see if you really want to stick it out-do that. Go get yourself a mini vacation hotel room, cut off the cell phone and focus on yourself for a couple of days. Because if you continue to grow more bitter toward him, you're gonna really start to lose respect for him and the marriage will go downhill like an avalanche. Hope this helps. Good Luck.
2006-09-04 23:26:29 · answer #4 · answered by dct1218 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. My husband never wants to fix anything here and he just tells me "don't worry about it". I was asking him to help me put together a nursery for our baby and he finally got so mad that he just slapped the paint on in a very sloppy way. He has a collection of lawnmowers and snow blowers and other gadgets all over the yard which he finds and brings home because "he is going to repair and sell them". The yard now looks like a junk yard. The sad part is that he is a "Contractor" so he spends his time repairing and beatifying customers homes but nothing here. My mother had a stroke in April and I was gone for 8 weeks and I asked him to just clean up after himself as I did not want to come home to a mess since I was taking care of my mom and her house and my dad who is also sick and I was already exhausted. I came home to a filthy house and I could see he never even changed the towels. I keep the house very clean but he helps with nothing. I have just given up.
2006-09-04 23:30:09 · answer #5 · answered by Misty Evenings 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is my opinon , If I were you I would take on some of the stuff myself in my spare time strucural damage is probably out of the question but painting and minor repairs and cleaning is not to bad maybe if you get it looking good he will notice and see how hard you worked on it then maybe it will get into his head I should be helping with these things ! I wish I could help otherwise but Good Luck girl I am rooting for you . I hope this helped
2006-09-04 23:30:33 · answer #6 · answered by brandi.smiles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is the exact same way!!
Here's what helps me: My husband supports me emotionally (I have a lot of issues with my parents) and he does a lot of things for me like going and getting me snacks and drinks when I'm tired. And he never complains about anything around the house. So if I don't feel like cleaning, he never says anything and that is important.
So -- focus on what is good in your relationship. And look at your finances to see if you could afford to hire household help. Cleaning ladies are not cheap, but they are definitely less expensive than divorce!
2006-09-04 23:52:57 · answer #7 · answered by Katherine 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some men just aren't confident in the handyman department. Could you hire someone to do some of the work for you? I've learned a lot about fixing things because I've had to.
Perhaps you could divide the chores up. Let him work outside while you work inside. Take a course on repair work and ask him to assist you in fixing things.
2006-09-04 23:25:22 · answer #8 · answered by Lady J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the repairs, you and your husband should sit down and decide on how much you will pay someone to repair your home. If he is truly not going to change then maybe you two need a temporary separation. You should not have to be in a marriage by yourself.
2006-09-04 23:35:22 · answer #9 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there might be some other issues that also need to be addressed here like why the lack of interest? Marriage means compromise and sharing. It sounds like he needs to take a more active role in the marriage and not just take it for granted.
2006-09-04 23:37:51 · answer #10 · answered by Samara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋