I remarried my ex for the sake of my kids and now I feel trapped, should I stay or go?

Question

After 6 years of a tumultuous marriage racked w/ infidelity on his part, we divorced. I remarried him when he pleaded w/ me to try again. At that point I had fallen out of love w/ him, but because my kids are young, I decided to give it one more shot, and to see if my love could return. As a result he hurt me again,I have no trust at all, and I finally realize he isn't the one for me. We live a content and comfortable life, but I feel hopelessly trapped and obligated. I want so much to go and find true love but my obligations say just stay. My kids are 6 and 3 and I don't want to hurt them or put them in harm's way. What is a person to do?

Answer 1

well first of all, you must of somewhat thought it would work between you two or you wouldnt have given him a second chance. if i were you i would stay because my childrens life and happiness comes before mine. you already put the kids through the first divorce.. do you really want to do that to them again? try to work things out.. go seek help from a professional if all fails... hey look on the bright side, you have those beautiful children to look back on when things get tough.

Answer 2

Oh girl you should have never remarried him because of your kids. That is never the reason to stay in a relationship because when you stay the kids are constantly around the bad feelings the tension and than finally the break up again. If your husband can't be true to you. Than you need to cut him loose and find that someone special that can. You know your not getting any younger and you don't get to do this twice. Ive found out that when you are truly happy than your kids will be truly happy and having a content home life is the most important thing for your kids and if your not content they won't be content.

Answer 3

He's cheating on you again? And you are still there??? What ARE you thinking????? Yes, there is nothing great about being a single mom, and few men wish to raise another man's children, so you may indeed be single for quite some time. But staying if he is cheating???? ummm, no. Four things make marriages work: Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust. The first three pretty much fail when the trust is gone. You are maybe living with a roommate???? KIds survive divorce all the time, and do just fine.....

Answer 4

My question to you is: if you aren't truely happy then how can you make your kids happy? You should never settle for less with your husband for the sake of your kids because most of the time the situation won't change. Of course your kids may not understand now but if would probably be in your best interest to leave your husband. After a while your living content and comfortable will make a turn for the worst b/c you resent him so much. Hope you make the right decision

Answer 5

You don't want to hurt your kids yet you're confusing the heck out of them with an on again off again marriage. The two of you divorced for a reason the first time around. Since obviously neither one of you has changed I'd say those reasons were still hanging on. Your children won't suffer half as much with divorce than they will with knowing their parents are miserable. Quit laying the blame of staying in a lousy marriage on the children, they don't deserve it and will only grow to resent both you and your husband in the end.

Answer 6

Bad move. From a divorced male, you will always be unhappy if you are doing it just for the kids. The kids will also pick up on the fact that you are unhappy and start blaming themselves. While you feel trapped by the situation, you will never be truly happy, it will cause you problems while ever you are in that relationship. Just because you have kids doesnt mean you should be unhappy for their sake's, and my thoughts are that it will eventually catch up with them too. Remember also that while you are still with him you are basically telling your kids that his behaviour is okay, they are smarter than what you think, and they pick up on the small things as well. Good Luck!

Answer 7

You need some self esteem. There are so many things that I can say to you right now but it will roll off of you like nothing because your self esteem is so low right now. What you need to do is call a women's hot-line in your area (wait I am going some where with this it is not what you think I am going to say). It is free, confidential and what they will do is set up some kind of counselling for YOU just you. Okay. I did this, it is free. You can call the hospital, they have numbers for you to call. The number that I called was actually for abused women and I wasn't abused necessarily but living in a domestically abusive relationship where my husband and I would always fight (verbally) and it was getting pretty bad. A lady I worked with suggested I call this number and I did. I set up an appointment to meet with this counceller at the hospital (again FREE & CONFIDENTIAL) and met with her every morning for 1 hour, for about a couple of months. She helped me build my self esteem again. Some times we need certain things like external help because not always our friends and families see what is really going on but an outsider does and they can help you gain prospective and self esteem again. And the strength to move on and feel good about yourself and that you deserve only the best. Good luck!

Answer 8

Remarrying because of your kids was wrong if your unhappy believe they (children) can sense that..Leave in the long run your kids will be happier..There's no point in living your life in misery..Go..Find you someone that will love you and your kids and that doesn't mean there dad can't be in their lives..Let your kids know that you both love them and it has nothing to do with them it's just that sometimes mom's and dad's just don't get along..Trust me you will be glad you did..If you don't love him go..

Answer 9

He doesn't learn his lessons does he? What a fool to do this to you a second time. You can't trust him!
I suggest, that you move out - go to see a lawyer, find a new life. Your children will respect you if you stand your ground.
My girls are 23 and 20 and they both respect me for that move that I made regarding their happy future.
It wasn't easy for me, but gradually, I bought my own house, and worked damn hard for it. My family supported me through thick and thin which was a god send.

You've tried twice - leave while you still are sane enough to do so.

Answer 10

You did the right thing to stay for the sake of the kids. While you are with him try to take advantage of the situation by going to school and keeping yourself busy.