I am Canadian and married an American. We have been married a few months only. We have started my paperwork. He's resentful that I don't work. I'm NOT legal to work yet! I have lived with him since January and he always said it was not a problem until I am legal to do so. We've had some horrible fights and he said that if he was in the position I am in, he would suck the garbage man for money if he had to. What kind of man says that to his wife? Now I am in Canada visiting and I really am debating on taking some time and getting a job here to save up some money. What would you do? Serious people only. This is hard enough to deal with.
2006-09-04 14:21:53 · 38 answers · asked by Fleur de Lis 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds to me like you are doing everything that you can do for now. It also sounds like he has the problem, not you. A lot of men act nice and sweet ...until ...you marry them. But girl stand up for yourself don't let him put you down like that. There are other fish in the sea. I know you love him, but make sure you ask yourself " does he love me" .
2006-09-04 14:34:08 · answer #1 · answered by out2getyouras 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. he's obviously insensitive but we have to find out where it's coming from.
is he having money trouble? he should have taken the responsibility to decide whether supporting you would be a good decision for one. Now he's frustrated that you don't have a job and he's lashing out because he doesn't know how to just "com out and say it". Do whatever it takes to become legal to get a job and if it's a matter of time, then I think you should go back to Canada and get a job there adn make him wait for you to come back after a comment like that.. I don't think that it's your fault for doing this and it's just as much of his problem then yours so don't let him put it all on you. Secondly, you should re evaluate your relationship with this man. That's just cold and NO man that loves his wife would ever suggest you sucking off some other man. But you know what? If one that you like comes around, maybe you should and show him the money and see how he reacts. If you are thinking to yourself that he would be upset then it obviously was one of those things he didn't mean to say.
Other than that, he better be in the dog house cuz there should be no positive feedback for what he said.
2006-09-04 14:31:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's taken your husband a few months to get resentful? Is this the kind of person you want to spend your life with? The fact that he's changed his mind about supporting you (and the deal you made) AFTER you got married should tell you something. Maybe he isn't who you thought he was. Come back to Canada and leave his *** in America. Don't tolerate the manner in which he's speaking to you. Shows he has very little respect. You've made a huge life change for this man, and it seems he isn't very appreciative of it. Be strong and live for yourself, not him!
2006-09-04 17:35:30 · answer #3 · answered by Nikki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. I know how hurtful husbands remarks can make you feel.
He needs to decide whether he wants you to be home with him, or have you in Canada making a paycheck.
Making a living is hard for all of us right now. He knew when you married him, that you would not be able to work for awhile. I would probably stay and work for a while and give him time to get his priorities straight.
I know that you love him. Good luck with your decision. I would pray about your situation, if I were you, and try to keep peace with man you love. He has really got some issues to deal with.
2006-09-04 14:46:17 · answer #4 · answered by kayboff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you watch the news you know that not having a green card stops very few people from working, however, either money is a problem and you don't realize it, or this guy is a jerk.
What is his financial situation?
You also may want a better immigration lawyer. If you are married things should have moved much faster.
If you need to, leave before a kid complicates things.
2006-09-04 14:27:48 · answer #5 · answered by WheeeeWhaaaaa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering why you didn't have some indication of what this man was like before you married him. Yes, I would stay in Canada and save money for a divorce. Don't waste your young life on this man. He is the garbage.
2006-09-04 14:26:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if this is a serious issue already I would get out as fast as I could. He knows the situation and that at the moment you can't legally get a job and if he knows you have all intentions and purposes of doing so as soon as it is possible then he should be the one looking for cousel not you. I wouldn't do anything except fire back at him...if money is that big of a deal tell him to go peddle peter on the corner! I would!
2006-09-04 14:28:42 · answer #7 · answered by stall_out 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did he marry you if you can't work and he knew that? Speaking as a man who is in the middle of a divorce right now, I don't blame him for being resentful towards his soon-to-be ex-wife because of money problems. Being that this is happening across the border will make things more confusing.
2006-09-04 14:44:40 · answer #8 · answered by zelgadiss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the way, Canadians can legally work in US. Ask the Labor dept or Immegration Dept for work permit. This will only take care of your legal work status.
Bigger issue is ahy are you suddenly having money issues in your yound relationship? Did you discuss this money before getting married? I am assuming that it is mutually agreed that both of you will work in the household? What were both your expectations about you getting work before you decided to get married?
If I were you, I would first see hoe you can legal work permit as a Canadian Citizen living in US. Then sit down with you husband and discuss your family (you and your husband) situation: make sure you both understand the expectations and limitations.
Is money the only issue or are there other issues in your relationship?
2006-09-04 14:32:21 · answer #9 · answered by AK 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You really have a problem. Your husband is not treating you with the respect you deserve. I will not advise you to leave him; I will advise you to immediately seek counseling for you two. It may be that he is under much stress. If there is a reason, not an excuse mind you, but a reason then try to be a little understanding. Whether there is a reason or not, you and your husband deserve respect from each other. That is just right. Get help. Wish you well.
2006-09-04 14:36:32 · answer #10 · answered by Jack 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when we say things out of anger we really mean the words that are coming out of our mouths. If i was you i would get a job and save some money for yourself. It sounds like you really didn't know him as well as you thought you did. You may want to rethink your marriage before you end up doing something you will regret. If you are unhappy and its only the beginning of your marriage it will only get worst. And a man who loves his wife would never tell her to suck off another man for money.
2006-09-04 14:29:28 · answer #11 · answered by coreytony0311 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋