how to raise emotionally healthy boys???

Question

I have 2 boys ages 3 and 7. I would like to have advice on how to help raise them to be eomtionally aware and to express their emotions in healthy ways....how to encourage them to do this....also ...my 7 yr. old doesnt know how to identify and express this emotions well and I can see this in him ...how can I help him identify them and to let the boys know it is ok to feel and express it. There is so much stigma about men being weak or sissy if they feel and express it and I dont want that for them it is so much healthier to just be human ...web sites would help me as well. thanks

Answer 1

I can't really ask you questions and get your responses, I'm not set up for I.M. I am interested to know more details about your family life. I assume that there is no man in the home? First thing that you need to do is try not to worry excessively over them...that is about as unhealthy a thing that you can do to them - and yourself.

Secondly, you can't gauge what "emotionally healthy" for a boy is, by what you feel like is normal. What is emotionally healthy for boys does not look the same as what's emotionally healthy for girls. That's a mistake that has been made in the last 30 years or so, trying to turn a boy into a female. It hasn't worked...and it hasn't helped men to relate properly to women. O.K.?

I'm not taking a tone with you here, I am just being very matter of fact with you. If you don't want to essentially castrate those boys for life, let them be boys. Yes, it would be helpful for them to have a male role model. I can't really tell you how to go about that. But boys are different from girls in how they experience and express emotions - this is normal. I can't stress this enough. Boys hit, kick, destroy. That's what they do. Not motivated with anger, but allowed to play rough (outside, of course).

Depending on the individual personalities of your sons, they may appear to be having troubles - but they may not. Everyone is an individual. Everybody is different. Some kids are just more introverted than others. That's O.K. he's probably gifted if that's the case. It may present him with a different set of challenges, however. That's why it would help to have a man around so that they can see what a man is like, and so he can instill values and even be there to talk to them about things at school, or whatever.

I feel like I am shooting in the dark here without more information. But unless your boys have been through something really rough early on, they probably don't need therapy. So just relax. You should maybe try getting them into soccer. I don't know what your financial picture looks like. But the exercise and the competition and being around other males is very good for them. It can build a lot of confidence in them. A kid that is physically healthy is half way to emotionally healthy. They need to run and kick. They'll also get some good structure and discipline from it. Karate or Tae Kwon Do is a really good thing, too. For all the same reasons. Remember this, boys are generally warriors at heart.

Answer 2

I can't speak specifics about your situation, sorry. I can tell you this, we adopted a child that would not speak when she got mad. From day one, I would sit next to her and hold her hand. She would go someplace else, I would follow and tell her that I am patient and it is important I now what she is feeling. Now she is seven, when she is upset she will talk about it with the family and without a lot of prompting. I know this is too simple, but if you spend the time and not pressure them they will talk. Just stay with them and don't do any other activities until they talk. Don't be mad, or happy, just sit next to them. Good luck to you, parenting is not easy.

Answer 3

My boys were 4 years apart in age. One of the things I did was never let them be mean to each other. I never allowed them to physically fight, other than we did have foam swords that they played with. I encouraged them to talk problems out, and they also wrote journals, had sketch pads and tape recorders. All that helped greatly.

I also tried to teach them empathy.

Neither one grew up to be weak, sissy or gay.

Answer 4

lead by example and never discourage any emotions they show.

males that can't express themselves are a result of being discouraged from it in some way. Just make sure you teach them how to control there emotions as well as knowing whether it is appropriate.

I have no trouble expressing myself and my feelings, but I have ALOT of trouble worrying about whether i'll be laughed at when i try something new. That's because my mom used to make fun of me when i was a kid. do your kids and me a favor and never do that.

Answer 5

Constantly enforced boundaries agreed upon mutually as much as possible. Be there to listen and answer question. If your into reading try Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon

Answer 6

Well i was one of three boys and we often talk about things like that, the being moncho man stigma turned us off we were only boys, listen to them carefully and add advice without being over whelming and always teach respect to females and support all sport activities. My father was lousy at sports and i was really good and for some reason he couldn't stand that. good luck

Answer 7

I am a child advocate for abused and neglected children. Boys' number one need is discipline. knowing how strong they are, when to use it and when not to use it. Also, they need to have good examples of what good men do. What are men for? Think about your answer before you read on....





Men are for:
1. Worshiping women (they need to understand the right and wrong ways to treat women.
2. Protecting their woman and children (Here's an example Looking at porn is exploiting women, not protecting them)
3.Bringing home the bacon (men who are lazy are less apt to take care of a family


Hope this helps

Answer 8

There's a book called "Raising Cain", it's quite academic, but it covers different strategies for getting boys to communicate. Can't remember who it's by, but an internet search would sort that out.

Answer 9

dont baby them, overprotective can do most damage,most kid dont have much emotion yet as it require overthinking ,remember kid time 1 year is forever,and most thinking is looking forward and play

Answer 10

Why do you believe they would be unable to do so without your special intervention?