I fell in love with my married friend a long time ago but didn't act on it because I respect him and marriage very much. I know he cares for me and I think he loves me too. He confided in me a couple weeks ago that his marriage isn't working out. I feel like that should've been my cue to say something...but I didn't. He hasn't brought it up since, and I feel like it's my move that he's waiting for. Should I wait until he and his wife legally split...or should I just tell him how I feel now? Or...should I wait for him to say something? I don't want to step on his soon to be ex-wife's toes...but I also can't go on like this. What should I do?
2006-09-04 14:16:32 · 18 answers · asked by vanillaspice 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is married you tramp.
I hope you never find a good man.
Women like you need to learn respect for not only other women but for yourself 2.
2006-09-04 14:19:40 · answer #1 · answered by Addie B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have used "I think" a lot, how do you know he thinks like the way you think? Do you share the same brains? Or are you both wired well enough to know what he thinks.
It is clear you are surely attracted to him and are confused wondering whats the right thing to do. If he has confessed his marriage is not working then he needs to contact a counselor to help him work his marriage. or was it a way to ask you for help to fix his marriage? You are getting involved with a married man. What is the guarantee that his marriage is really not working. He is playing on getting some sympathy from you? If he is not happy with his marriage it is good for him to close one chapter and start another one. How are you going to handle the situation if his wife knows. YOu have no legal status but she has, Do you want to be the other woman in a mans life or be the one and only woman? If he can do this to his wife on the sly do you think you can trust him with you? You say you respect marriage his or yours? If he is really not happy in his first marriage then it is good to wait and then start a relationship. Love has patience and time will help you to know him better.
2006-09-04 21:51:19 · answer #2 · answered by thachu5 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be respectful to yourself. You do not need a married man. When he and if he gets a finalized divorce, then you can tell him how you feel. It is not fair to him or to his wife for you to tell him of your feelings. When he brings it up or if he starts confiding about this to you or you think he is going to try to make a move on you, simply change the subject or try to politely walk away. Tell him you do not feel comfortable discussing his marriage problems because you are his friend and you may not be too objective or helpful.
This way, you will not feel or look responsible in even the tiniest way if they do divorce. Don't get in the way at all. Do not give him mixed signals or any signals that you are interested. If he ever does come out and tell you he wants to be with you, then tell him that he is married and that you do not want to date a married man. Stick to that and don't have an affair with him, because you and his family will get hurt. He may decide to stay with his wife and if you two have an affair, then you will no longer be friends and you will feel like crap. It is not worth it!
2006-09-04 22:32:09 · answer #3 · answered by just julie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you want to look back in 20 years or on your death bed and see how you behaved?
What would you tell your daughter if she was in your shoes?
What do you think the wife would say if you asked her?
You already know the answers. LISTEN CLEARLY to what your conscience and since of honor has been telling this whole time.
Nothing has changed except he has treated you as a confidant at an inappropriate time in his marriage.
I hope someday when you are married and find your relationship on shaky ground that you can count on your husband being patient just like you will have to be to get past those tough times marriages have.
2006-09-04 21:50:49 · answer #4 · answered by ~K~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you cannot deny your feelings. You sound like a smart person the fact that you are contemplating your actions means that you have a conscience, and do not want to do the wrong thing. I think that it is important for your well being to let him know how you feel, but wait before getting involved any further - physically, until he figures out what he is doing in his present relationship. You don't want to get involved with him and then he chose to work it out with his wife do you? Then you will be the one with the hurt, confusion and broken heart/mental anguish. Remember it is our own selves that can create our own hells. Make the right decision. I know that you are a good person and you sound smart be true to that person.
2006-09-04 21:24:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure it's love and not something else??? As for him telling you that his marriage isn't working out... i'm sorry for him and his wife,, but for you ,,,, waiting is best because you are not a home wrecker and that is what you will feel like if you tell him how you feel now...... maybe you need to give him some space and let him be for a bit.....
2006-09-04 21:25:11 · answer #6 · answered by unsure 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really feel the feelings are mutual then what is the rush?? Wait until he decides what to do about his marriage. If you tell him know about how you feel then you will always have that in your conscience that what if you would not have said anything would he had tried harder to make his marriage work?? I suggest you wait until he finalizes that relationship remember what they say what starts wrong ends wrong and you would not want that if you really love him. Right??
2006-09-04 21:23:44 · answer #7 · answered by estrella 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it may be, respect him, his wife or soon to be ex, the institution of marriage and wait til he's divorced. It does not help him if his wife in a divorce is able to tell the courts he is already in another relationship. All good relationships have their tough times. this may be yours.
2006-09-04 21:22:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to be happy wait for him to separate from his wife. He already knows you like him and you want his respect in that you were not part of his decision and marriage
2006-09-04 21:24:48 · answer #9 · answered by jodie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't respect marriage too much if you're questioning your non-action. Until the ink dries, he is bound by law and in the sight of God, but do whatever makes your boat float. Just don't be surprised if sometime later it springs a leak.
2006-09-04 21:21:57 · answer #10 · answered by Buttercup_5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, if you tell him now you may change something that was not meant to be.
Wait til ,and if he and his wife divorce or least wait til they file then make your interest known-but go no further until the divorce is final.
All the best!
2006-09-04 21:23:18 · answer #11 · answered by steveshoardhouse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋