OK, I know that if I am asking it is probably true. My husband is not violent, but puts me down (although he is very subtle, like mumbling insults or discontent while walking around the house). He is never happy and I am the reason for all his unhapiness (so he says). He used to call me names when he;d get mad, but not anymore, but he is always unhappy (another way of manipulating me I suppose). He is not happy if I work beacuse he wants me to saty home with our children. I am also startin my own business but I have to do it behind his back because he questions everything I do and believes I will not succeed. Eventhough I can take a lot it is starting to wear me out (8 years married). I am starting to be very negative and depressed. I know I need to get out but I worry about my girls 5 and 7) and of course his emotional abuse is so mild and well disguissed that I sometimes feel there is nothing wrong. I need some reassurance, please? What should I do about my girls? What is best?
2006-09-04 13:48:46 · 12 answers · asked by M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ohh yeah, I have told him many times of how I feel and he says I just play the victim and that I am way off base. I asked him to seek help but he won't...
2006-09-04 14:01:20 · update #1
your girls do not need to be around a man who is putting you down. Have you considered counseling? i can't tell you what to do but I would take my girls and get out now then if he loves you he will agree to go to counseling with you.but to answer your question YES HE IS ABUSING YOU AND IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE. once words aren't enough for him the words will change to fists. been there done that I KNOW
2006-09-04 14:04:35 · answer #1 · answered by mama bear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most abusers (physical and emotional) have learned their behavior from their childhood. He may not know any other way to behave. It is all a form of power and control. Even though you say it is mild it may continue and increase over the years. You should think about what your children are learning from their experience at home. They will either learn to be submissive or to perpetrate abuse as adults unless there is intervention. Please seek assistance(usually at no cost) from your local Center for the Prevention of Domestic Violence. An advocate there can assist you in a plan to leave or at least how to cope. (There is also a hotline phone # in most areas.) Best wishes
2006-09-04 21:17:17 · answer #2 · answered by MaryPoppins 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband needs to supports you and needs to care about you..and theres a chance.. he is thinking about cheating on you because hes not happy. and that ends up with him blaming you for unhappiness. and he will find someone that will satisfie him. and you shouldnt have to do anyhing behind his back. You really shouldnt be depressed.. your supposed to be happy and take care of eachother through everything. I have a sister that went through Emotional abuse.. They will never stop its like cheating.. it seems to always happen again and again. You two need to get seperated. I really dont think marriage counseling would help for you two.. because its not physical.. and he puts you down. and it may make you angry. take your girls to a shelter.., So you dont have to go through emotional abuse. Let the authorities know. you may not thing its a big deal but it may just be the start and then he can get physical. be caucious.What is best.. is a divorce. This man isnt the man that will care about you for the rest of your life. Hes unhappy. WOW you two arent made for eachother. its perfectly normal to be worried about your girls.. but pretty soon.. The girls will worry about you.. and one day.. Wont have their mother because of something thats brought out from your depression.. or he may turn agressive. your girls will thank you one day.. That way they will always be safe. Physical or emotional abuse.
2006-09-04 20:59:40 · answer #3 · answered by sweet_poetic_fire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about it? Asked him to stop it? Perhaps....he is depressed and needs to speak with a doctor? A lot of times people can behave this way and it has absolutely nothing to do with the person they are aiming their negativity at, but really a way to punish themselves. But I could be way off track. If you feel you are being emotionally abused, then leave. I know its not that easy, but you sound like a reasonably stable person, perhaps there is someone you and your daughters can stay with till you can get a place of your own? There are shelters for abused women as well that might be helpful. I would talk to him first and let him know what you need and also what your daughters need. You don't want to see them married to someone who does that to them do you...?
2006-09-04 20:55:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
does not sound good...have you gotten any counseling? If not PLEASE do! If you can't afford a regular counselor, check w/local churches as most have "pastoral counseling" even if you are not a member of the church. The one I have gone to did NOT even mention the church or religion while helping me. That was several years ago & at a United Methodist Church.
GOOD LUCK to you! OH! also, try getting Dr. Phils 1st 2 books (in print or audio) they are SUPER helpful when you are feeling unsure about things.
2006-09-04 20:52:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out. Emotional/Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. My husband verbally abuses me and I am filling for divorce next month. It wears on your selfesteem and makes you depressed. I got the same answere when I asked my husband why he does it, it is all in my head. My lawyer is calling Mental Cruelty. As for your girls, he can start abusing them as well. It is always hard to divorce when thier are children involved, but they will come to understand it. Just get him out!
2006-09-05 09:46:04 · answer #6 · answered by sweet serinity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please leave him! I am in the exact same thing! but have been dealing with it for 19 years. He would make 'jokes'... you are such a blondie... or other simple things... then tell me I had no sense of humor. But it slowly got worse. I thought I was staying for the kids, but now my kids are teens (13/15) and THEY are telling me to leave him. They learned from him to say bad words and to disrespect me. The learn the art of yelling to win an argument and to just shut you up. To double talk you and to ignore you. I would have left when they were 3/5 if I knew that nothing would get better and let me raise them properly and better.. away from him. Please get your stuff...find some where to go... local women support services, they will help to set you up with your girls, talk to them before you leave... and leave. Best of luck to you. BIG bear hug!
2006-09-04 21:05:44 · answer #7 · answered by Valeria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the thing is you don't need a man who every time wants to put u down for every thing, u see when it had started he was great and nice now he sounds like a big drity DOG who needs to take a bath cuz thats how drity his heart is to you, the best way to say this is LET HIS STICK A SS GO NOW
2006-09-04 21:00:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like emotional abuse to me.
2006-09-04 20:51:32 · answer #9 · answered by WC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE IS NOT HAPPY WITH HIS SELF AND HE IS BRING YOU DOWN YOU DONT NEED THIS YOU AND YOUR GIRLS WILL BE FIND I HAVE 4 I LEFT MY HUSBAND OF 10 YRS AND I AM VERY PLEASED WITH MY SELF MY OWN HOUSE BUSINESS AND GUEST WHO WANTS ME BACK AFTER HE TRIED TO DICOURAGE ME DONT LET NO BODY BRING YOU DOWN DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR GIRLS YOU CAN DO IT HE JUST NOT HAPPY WITH HIS SELF AT ALL YOU GO GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-04 21:00:00 · answer #10 · answered by Judy D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋