I am 24 and I am with a man who is 36, for 8 months now.
We are living together and we are having a good relationship in general, we have fun. But we want different things from a relationship. He wants something relaxing and I understand; he had a really bad divorce, he needs to chill out. But I want kisses,sex,hugs and passion!
He says that our relationship has progressed, that we are not as crazy as we were in the beginning, but I miss that beginning so much! I still feel crazy for him like I did on our first month, but he doesn't. I know he loves me, but for me this is not enough.
That situation makes me self concious and depressed from time to time. Every 2 months I explode and cause a huge fight. The next morning I just can't apologize enough..
I can't leave him and I can't stop trying because this is the first time that I'm in love..I used to get bored so easily, now I just can't get enough, I'm always thirsty for his love!
Does any one have any advice for me, please?
2006-09-04 12:51:29 · 22 answers · asked by Irouli 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He does want a serious relationship,
He wants to be with me and built a life together!
2006-09-04 13:52:03 · update #1
Listen babygirl first take a look at the age difference and keep it in mind. I know you have but keep it in mind, now the fact that u are living together now changes things again, first you were apart at this stage of the relationship and in this stage when you meet flames are going to be hot and the passion is going to be wild because you are not seeing each other all the time. STOP arguing STOP getting mad and STOP making excuses for the reasons why you feel the passion is gone. Think about what love means to you and how you would like someone to give it to you and give that to him. In a relationship you have to be and must be true to yourself your feelings and your want at all times. hold your head up and LOVE the man from your heart IF YOU LOVE HIM??? Do not get comfortable or relaxed in this relationship cause you are under the same roof. A true loving relationship takes constant work on a daily basis basically 24-7 and 356 days a year now and forever. You have the power to make it work because he is in the house with you and that makes you MOBETTA' than the rest.He chose to try and make love, family, and life with you.Help him along the way. Keep the passion, think about the things that got the passion going from the start and start doing it all over again. Stop arguing and show affection and I will promise you that he will give you back the passion.If you think about it he may have already showed you some passion but you were too depressed about something else that you should have let go along time ago and show love and not anger.WORK ON IT AND DONT GIVE UP IT WILL GET BETTER I PROMISE.
2006-09-04 13:29:04 · answer #1 · answered by Mr Mobetta 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, well, lets set this up. I am 52 years old and on my second marriage. I learned alote the first time around and don't plan on making the same mistakes twice. I just married my childhood sweat-heart from 30 years ago and it is awesome.
First off, we talk allot and share. We understand what each one wants,our desires and we share.
We have quality " US" time. We take off at least one weekend a month and spend time together. Walking along the beach at sunset, sitting on top of a hill overlooking a valley. We go on picnics, long walks and the all the stuff two young newlyweds like to do.
The sex is great and trust me when I say, she keeps up with me and I with here. If your partner has issues about an active sex life, consider moving on. At 53, my wife is 51, we put some young people to shame. She has a daughter 22 years old and embarrassed her the other day. The daughter asked about how often and was told, " sometimes twice a day and at least every other day".
Keep it young, talk and voice concerns. If something is bothering you, talk about it before it becomes an issue and you blow up. Tell him the same thing. If he has trouble being young and just wants " comfortable", well, you might need to look somewhere else. Any relationship has to be where both give of 100%, and only expect 70% in return. That way you have
some extra for the tough times.
Life isn't suppose to be dull, we are not suppose to be miserable either. If you think young, stay young and share, it will be a long relationship.
2006-09-04 13:13:48 · answer #2 · answered by bigmikejones 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my situation almost exactly. I am 20 and my husband is 34. The only advice i can give you is to becontent that he does love you even if it's not the way you want. Find something for the two of you to do to relax together. my husband and I watch movies together after work and cuddle. Send him text messages through out the day just to say "Love you" or "miss you" and don't center your life around him, make time for yourself and your friends too. The first year I was with my husband it was the same thing as you. But We've been together for 2 years now and we understand eachother. Good luck.
2006-09-04 13:00:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't say "you can't leave him" or you "can't stop trying." You can if you want to. This man isn't offerring you anything in the way of a committment. You said the two of you want different things from a relationship...that he wants something "relaxing" which sounds like code for---no strings attached. You also said that you feel he is not as crazy about you as he was in the beginning..and that that's not enough. If you can't accept him and the relationship as it is right now, either try to make it better----or move on. If I were in your position, I wouldn't put all my eggs in this guy's basket. Just remember: Actions speak louder than words. Go by what he does...not by what he says.
2006-09-04 13:39:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that you are sprung honey. First, you need to think about you! He has had a bad divorce, and wants to take it easy now, which is fine. You say you can't apologize enough the next day and you can't leave him, you can you just don't want to leave him. If he has told you repeatly that he does not want a serious relationship or he is not looking to be married anytime soon or ever then you're fooling yourself. You have to learn to hold back and let things happen, if you constantly are telling him, how much you want and need him and how much you love him, sooner or later he's gonna be driven away by that. Take it easy, first love is always hard and even harder when it doesn't work out.
2006-09-04 13:03:00 · answer #5 · answered by mphsgurl79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people say that relationships take work, this is what they mean. You sound like a very needy person; you are demanding attention from him that he does not seem prepared to give. Maybe it has to do with the difference in maturity between the two of you.
As I see it, you have two choices. (1) Accept that this is who he is and he is not going to change. If you are confident that he loves you, learn to be satisfied with that. For him, the excitement of that first infatuation has worn off. In time it will wear off for you too. It never lasts forever!
(2) Accept that you need more from a lover; end the relationship and find someone closer to your own age who is more compatible with your needs. It may be that this abandonment that you feel now will only grow, and you will end up feeling unsatisfied with your current lover.
Tough situation...but if you say that what he gives to it is not enough for you, I personally think you need to move on.
2006-09-04 13:09:29 · answer #6 · answered by keepsondancing 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie you have to think about the age difference between the two of you. Also, he has already been down that road once before in his past married. I suggest you not push him to hard because that pressure will push his out the door. If you love him the way you say you do, right know all you can do is support him and show him that you there for the long run if that's the case. Don't get me wrong still show him the love and affection. Just remember that when you decide to have one of your explosion, that he maybe thinking that damn I just got out of some of the same bs and now I'm dealing with it again.
2006-09-04 13:57:47 · answer #7 · answered by badaries 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of good and bad advise here...I am 54....when I was 48 I met and fell in love with this insatiable 26 year old Filipina in the Philippines...we spent all our time together, and it made me feel great...but after a while, she began irritating me with her affection, when all I wanted to do was watch the evening news....I loved her, and still do, but I wanted to be myself and do what I had done before...she on the other hand just was always so excited to be with me...and loved to make love...after awhile...I grew tired of her...I tried my best to get her interested in things I was interested...like politics and some sports...aside from good sex...after awhile I started to take her for granted...I could have great sex with her anytime I wanted....but I also desired good intelligent converation...I tried to inspire her that way....but no way..eventually I lost interest in her...she had a great body...and I miss that...but I actually am more content now with a lady who is 40 and keeps herself fit and has a good career and knows something about the world...sex with the Claire, the young one was great, but even 3 times a day can become boring.
2006-09-04 13:24:18 · answer #8 · answered by cbmaclean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, the age difference is starting to takes its toll here. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he cant keep up with you. Basically his age is catching up with him and its slowing him down, so what he did once is no more. Youre in the prime of your life and full of energy he cant deal with. Hes nearing the time for possible mid age life crisis where things could get worse. Its not that he doesnt love you anymore, he just isnt young anymore, and isnt sure of himself nor what to do about it. You still want to feel like a kid with her first love and he probably cant even remember his first love. Will this improve with time, most of this type of relationships dont overcome but thats not to say yours wont. You have to do some really serious thinking about what you want exactly and are willing to give up to save your relationship, then sit down with him and see what it is he wants and is willing to do. If he doesnt change his older way of thinking, you will begin to look elsewhere for what you want and this relationship will turn ugly. But it comes down to one thing; what you truly want. Hope this makes sense and helps and good luck
2006-09-04 13:08:59 · answer #9 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ummmmmmmmm, he's a guy. That is how guys act. Sorry to tell you this, but if you have not learned it yet, here it goes. Guys only want to cuddle when the relationship is new and we are trying to impress you, other than that, leave us alone. I don't care how old the guy is, you are not going to find a guy that likes to cuddle after the first year and that is if you are lucky that the cuddling last after the 6th month.
2006-09-04 13:28:28 · answer #10 · answered by Rob W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋