How can i help my mother. deal with betrayal?(today)?

Question

I found out with my mother last night that my father (married 27 years to mom)(I am 27) has beed caught on numerous ocassions doing things suchj as kissing another woman he was seen with his arm around another woman and pinching another ones behind. ( Who knows what else?) This was devulged but another family member after some serious anguishing years trying to let it go. This family member is my female cusin whom is 30 years old. She also says that when she was 10 my father touched her in the wrong spots once.. (My father has been nothing but wonderful to me growing up). My mother is anguished as you can imagine and staying with me now. I gave here medicine to help sleep a little but she will wake soon and i just dont know how to help and want really good ideas from anyone???? Thanks(My father is not yet informed of the information but will deny it till death..(so it is hard for her to find closure...

This evidence is strong. I would love to this she is crazy but i cant' also I am not trying to inter fere where i am not needed. Mom is not strong and needs someone to pick her back up it seems

Answer 1

Go to family counseling. Sorry, but it's really the only way to deal with something like this. You won't regret it.

Answer 2

What your father has done to these women are wrong, but what he did to your cousin when she was a little girl is inexcusable, disgusting and sick. You're right on one thing. He will deny it all, probably to his death. You were right in getting your mother out of the situation until she (with your help) can figure out what her next step will be. I think you will have to gather as much information as you can to convince your mom that your dad isn't a very nice man. She sounds like she isn't strong enough to stand on her own to deal with all this either physically or mentally. That's where you come in. Be there for her. Help her any way you can. You might want to also talk to someone in law enforcement to see if anything can be done. If he did this once, he's done it more and it needs to stop. These people are sick when they turn to innocent children. I'm sorry for you and especially for your mom. But by you sticking with her, helping her, you both will get through it. I think that she also needs to speak to someone. Maybe a Pastor or someone she could confide in. Remember, your mother, yourself and your cousin are the victims here. Never forget that.

Answer 3

This is very hard on the family, as well as on your poor Mom, My father did a LOT of that, and once she actually went over to his secretary's house and slapped her, when she should have slapped my father. This was in 1964. He then came begging her to come back to her after her losing 25 pounds and he actually came back from CA where I am from and came back to Wisconsin where they are from and she actually went back to him after3 years of separation.
This is going to be a process of grief for your Mother, but she NEEDS to know about you cousin's molestation and should NOT go back to a sick man who would do such a thing. It is a sickness he has. Can she tell your MOM? Because there is no statueof limitations on
molestaion. ( i am almost positive). Then your Mom needs some support (like a group) from women who are in her place, emotionally.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! for HER well being. Also some counseling for you and your niece in essential. DO you hate your Father
for this? Then have his *** arrested by your niece, and I hate to say it, but by maybe others.
I know this is VERY hard on on you sweetie and not easy to do, but this is a grieving process, wghich will take time. It's almost like you have met another person. By this I mean a side of your Father you have never seen and I'm sure don't want to see. There are counselors you can see on a sliding scale basis. So don't fret too much andwatch the slleeping meds!

Answer 4

you both need to get to the bottom of these allegations especially the one your cousin made b/c your mother will be feeling like she doesnt know the man she has shared the last 27yrs with and divorce/seperation is one of the worst stress situations 2 b in i would think u r already helping her in the best possible way by being there 4 her the only thing you can carry on doing is supporting her wether u go to see a counsellor with her or just by being there 4 her like u r now hope this is resolved soon 4 both your sakes

Answer 5

If I am understanding this correctly, your mother has known for some time now that your father hasn't been 100% faithful. If this is true, then she has accepted his minor infidelities for all this time and probably doesn't expect him to change. Lots of time women accept this hoping that as the man ages, he will slow down. My mother says that at some time they sit down and realize that the wife is and has always been in their corner and will change.

As far as what you cousin has said; do you believe it? Does your mother believe it? If so, is that what has gotten her so upset? There is nothing she can do and there is no quick fix for you to fix the situation for her. She is brokenhearted I am sure, and that will take time and strength to heal. I know when I am broken hearted, what I need is the genuine love of someone I trust. I need them to help me stand when I cant. and to allow me to cry on their shoulder. Tell me that everything will be okay, and when I am ready, help me to start to make things okay. By that I mean, let her take her time and when she is ready to stop mourning and take action, be there to support her effort to become independant. Make suggestions of ways she can be a whole individual. Help her do that in anyway you can.

For 27 years she has been part of something that is no longer there. It probably feels as if someone has died. Like losing a part of yourself that you are used to having. She will have to make herself whole again and slowly but surely you will find ways to help her do that.

Answer 6

Im 19 and unmarried mom to be.. change into 18 when I fell pregnant. i'm no longer ashamed as i understand i stands out as the most proper mum i should be - i change right into a nanny to 4 little ones from newborn to 6 years earlier and been nannying for over 2 years. besides, I do sense somewhat lonely and favor i had a husband that change into merely as wanting to take heed to my new advancements...moms and dads get somewhat over it each and every each and every now and then i imagine. i did not drop out etc yet i end paintings as i change into extremly sick and nonetheless am. there is no longer something to sense embarrassment about - you're having a toddler, anybody will seem at you and favor that they had a cuddly ingredient like you. you may have this toddler continuously and love that kid more beneficial then life itself.

Answer 7

If you believe in women having a sixth sense then mostly likely she probably already had a feeling this was happening. All you need to do is be there for her and listen, but when it gets down to it she has to make a decison about what she is going to do. There are probably things there you don't know about and maybe she was feed up and ready to face somethings about your father. I know it is hard to deal with as the child.

Answer 8

Ms; your age is not an issue, what your father did he did. Your mother must have had an idea or she missed the signs. Talking it over will help but, the only real thing is TIME. When a spouse cheats in any fashion the only cure is time. Be there for her. You both are in for a long rough road. But, with each new day brings hope. Good Luck.

Answer 9

She will need to see a professional to help her thru this. I was married to a man for 10 yrs, only to find out after I divorced him, that he had affairs, paid for abortions, & even took his own sisters virginity ( while I was pregnant with his children ) this almost killed me. I CAN SO FEEL YOUR MOTHERS PAIN!! Get her to a therapist, clergy member, or anything else you might have available in your area. Time will help some, but she is going to have questions that need answered. Stand strongly by her side, and let her know SHE WILL SURVIVE!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

Has it occurred to any of you that your cousin may be delusional? It would seem that a lifetime of seemingly trustworthy behavior has been shot by a statement from one person who may have an agenda...what is going on here? I am not so sure I do not feel more sorry for your father. Until proven guilty, I think perhaps you all should be looking at that cousin!