my best friends GF died?

Question

my best friends GF died and i have been there for her through all of it. she is a total mess and its been 2 months now and she has to move out of her house cuz she cant afford it but she is having a hard time moving cuz of all the memories. she has been calling me every day 7-10x's a day and im getting annoid with it and im starting to ignore her calls cuz im compleatly drained from her. what do i do and how do i get her to stop calling all the time with out hurting her feelings evan more making her think that she lost her GF and now her BFF??

Answer 1

you sound like the good friend who sees someone drowning and tries to help and is almost going down with her

its important to listen, but you might have to set some limits yourself... you have been a good friend, she might need a councelor to talk to instead of putting it all on you.

Also sometimes a person is stuck in a codependent mode and you might even be unwitingly encouraging excessive codependence in her (dont point this out to her it wont help)

it helps hurting people if they get involved I think, perhaps helping at a soup kitchen or old person home or food pantry or something, being busy and involved with others helps with grief

of course loss of someone close takes time as well and it will understandably hurt for a long time

there might be some good books on grief and maybe someoen should give her some. But its tough to know whats right for her age

Answer 2

She is very needy now, and so far, you have been there for her. Perhaps it is time to let her know that you do not have time to console her all day long, you must work, you must study, you feel very sorry for her, and perhaps you could see her (name a time and make a date in the future). That should be a very strong hint. IF she cannot take the hint, next time tell her you will call her back, but someone is at the door, or you have company, or the bath water is running, etc...hang up and don't return the call..repeat as often as necessary, she will get the message one way or another. Good luck

Answer 3

thats a lot of calls to take daily if you doing all the talking, have u tried not talking when she calls? simply say hi and listen, she is so hurt right now and reaching out to you for comfort but she is draining u. Stop being codependent, murmer things like, oh im so sorry ur feeling this way, then dont say anthing else
if she isnt getting her 'fix' from you she quite likely will cut down on the calls without you seeming to be cold.
Maybe she could start writing things down instead of calling u?
Perhaps you could talk to a grief counsellor adn ask them what they think is the best thing to do?

Answer 4

He should tell her, because this girl is obviously confused. When people push you randomly away it feels like crap. If she knew, she'd understand he's depressed and didn't get over it yet. Plus, she could have a choice if she'd really want this relationship. Of course I feel most for your friend who went through a horrible trauma. But he really has to move on. And he shouldn't pass on his pain through his spontaneous rejections. It's best if this girl realizes he's depressed and not just some guy playing with her heart.

Answer 5

Two months is NOT a long time for dealing with grief.

Don't always answer the phone, but don't' cut off connection with her, just answer when you're up for it.

Help her move. I mean physically, go there and help her pack.

Be there for her when you can. Some day you will lose someone you love and you will need the support of others to help you through it. Especially someone who knows first-hand what such loss feels like.

Answer 6

You'll have to talk to her about it, but you need to help your friend. You never know when you'll be in the same boat some day and you may need a friend someday, but that aside it's the right thing to do being there for your friend. Ask her to limit her calls, but let her know that your still there for her. I guess you could try hooking her up with someone else, but that may not be the best thing to do right now. You should invite her to go out with you. Try to get her mind on happier things. If she's allowed to continue in this self pity then she may very well consider or commit suicide.

Answer 7

I agree with the person above me on this one. Like it or not, your friend needs you right now. She sounds like a person who would be completely losed and devastated if she loses both her gf and bf. Try to hang in there a little longer and offer other sources or forms of advice. Yes, you do have a life but when you have a best friend and at a time like this, you can not neglect or leave her. Be there for her okay for as long as she needs it. PPL grieve at their own pace so give her more time.

Answer 8

It is very difficult to deal with someone who is going through grief. Perhaps you could recommend that she visits a grief counselor? Also, many churches have grief classes that are free. It would be helpful if you did the research for her and maybe even go with her to the classes... There are many grief services online too. Do a search for grief and see what you come up with.

Answer 9

Sleep with her like Alice slept with Lara when Dana died of cancer in The L Word. That will probably get her to leave to leave you alone. Make the first move to see it she's gonna flee. Go all L Word on her, and she'll give you a break after that.

Answer 10

She needs more resources... counselling, maybe meds, your continued support but in reasonable measure. Maybe use a really warm hug when letting her know she needs more than what you alone can provide. Grief is brutal and it's not at all unusual to see a therapist or attend a group to help get thru it.