Well I have been dating my current live in bf for 9yrs now. I have 2 children of my own. My children are teenagers now and he has been a father figure to them. I have not been in love with my bf for over 5yrs now. I feel like I am in the relationship for all the wrong reasons. He pays the bills and really helps me out with my kids. However I don't want the relationship anymore but don't want to hurt him or my children. In the past 3yrs I met this other guy whom I started to have a relationship with and feel in love with. However about a year after we begin to see each other discreetly I find out he is married. He told me from the beginning he was not. I have now let him go after 3yrs it was to heart breaking for me to want someone I could not have and on top of that is was wrong. I had to put myself in his wife shoes. However, I still don't want to be in a relationship with someone I have nothing in common with. My bf is 13yrs older than me and I just don't know to do.
2006-09-04 11:51:16 · 3 answers · asked by blessings2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First, you have two children to think of. I know that you don't want to hurt them which should make you sit down and consider what you are doing.
You have a boyfriend that you have been seeing for nine years and that you have allowed to become a father to your children. You let him continue to pay your bills even though you say you don't want a relationship with him. You gave yourself permission to cheat on him until you found out the other guy was married. There are so many things wrong with this scenario I hardly know where to start.
Even though you are not married to your boyfriend you have given him tacit reason to believe that you are committed to him and you have done nothing, to his face, to make him believe otherwise. Since you have given him reason to believe that you are committed to this relationship he has a right to expect faithfulness, wouldn't you think?
As long as you take his money you are indebted to him--again he has a right to expect committment and faithfulness.
Your children have bonded with him and expect him to be in their lives for the forseeable future.
This is the deal. You have made your bed now you have to lie in it. First, your children will be devastated if this guy leaves now and you know it. Put your feelings aside for the time being and start accepting your responsibilities as an adult. This isn't about you, it's about the promises you've made to the other people in your life.
Second, if you eventually want this guy out of your life than you need to start seperating yourself from him. I don't know how long it will be until your children are 18 but start making a plan so that you can tell him that you want your own life when the kids are of the appropriate age. Start figuring out how you will support yourself when he leaves. If you don't have a job then get one. If you need education then start taking classes. You also should gradually start taking back financial responsibility for yourself. As you can, start taking back bills one at a time.
Remain faithful to him until you have broken up with him. In the first place, cheating does nothing productive except give you an ulcer. It's not worth it.
If you stay focused and hopeful you can eventually have the life you want without ruining the lives of everyone around you.
2006-09-04 12:17:27 · answer #1 · answered by Ellen J 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all , you need to drop the married man. If he has children it is much worse . You have lived with a man for 9 years and are sick of him. So what do you do ?? You need to remain loyal to the man who is 13 years older then you. After that many years together it is considered common law marriage. He helped you with your children. Was this older man, was he married too? If he left his wife for you, then it goes to show that the other woman will do it again and again. Too Bad and Soo Sad.
2006-09-04 14:43:09 · answer #2 · answered by Norskeyenta 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a Hindu you ought to get your first spouse divorced in case you are not getting divorce you may not marry a 2d female. As a Muslim female ,she would be able to not marry a Hindu till you're converted to Islam.
2016-12-14 18:13:01 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋