If you take the time to read this and help me out, you are an angel. I'm 16 years old, but Im not your normal 16 year old. Im basically like im 30. I met this boy when I was 14, he was 17, we went out. We are still together a year and 8 months later. We act like we are married literally. I basically dropped out of high school to be with him, I left my normal school adn went to a continuation school that was on the itnernet and graduated in 4 months jsut so spend more time with him. So I am a 16 year old in college, while all my friends are out partying and having fun. I havent hung out with any of my friends in like 6 months cuz he is so protective of me n doesnt want me to hangout with other boys.. I feel like I am missing out of getting to be a kid and live my live. He is a great guy its just he dosnt want to be the "boss" and i have to make all the decisions on my own, i have no help with anything.
2006-09-04 11:41:50 · 28 answers · asked by kristen4562 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is this boy that I really liked and we had a thing, before i met my bf, and i kind of miss him and want to be with him, but i know he wouldnt be the same boy he was 2 years ago. This curent bf is my first and only bf i have ever had. so i am kind of curious as to what else is out there, what it would be like to date another guy. I LOVE my boyfriend, i am just curious and feel like im missing out on life.
what should i do? i feel like my boyfriend is my whole life and i have nothing else to live for. all my friends have replaced me. im jus depressed. my mom and me have a good relationship, but i miss my dad, he died when i was 10. i miss him so much. i just want to be with him again....
2006-09-04 11:44:06 · update #1
He isnt totally controlling he jsut says that he is a guy and he knows how guys think and he doesnt want them trying anything with me. he says he trusts me, its them he doesnt trust.
2006-09-04 11:48:24 · update #2
He is a very very nice guy. he has never laid a hand on me, he says he loves me 3434728 times a day. its just he doesnt liek me having a life besides him...
2006-09-04 11:50:32 · update #3
Kristen,
Let me start by congratulating you for taking the toughest step of all, the first one. Realizing and/or admitting that you are depressed can take a great deal of effort and courage, but I am glad to see that you are already making forward progress. Reaching out for advice and help is also a very positive move on your part. Quietly celebrate that fact, have a bowl of ice cream, or simply stand in front of the mirror and say "Atta Girl!" You deserve it. We are generally quick to praise others, but are way too hard on ourselves.
Let me also say, that I have no clinical or medical background and only offer the advice of a 40+ year old that has lived through and survived quite a bit.....Yet I am experienced and wise enough to know that this is only the beginning for me too... much more is yet to come.
Deal with the depression right away, because it affects every aspect of your life. Seek family, religion and medical advice and support today. Trust me as I know from experience, and I wasn't always a believer of "depression". I used to think it was a lame excuse used by the habitually lazy people in society, but once I suffered from depression, I learned so much about it.
Despite the age and gender difference, you sound a bit like I was in my younger days -- always eager to move on to the next stage of life, and feeling older and more mature than my peers. I suspect that this young man was the first true love of your life, and thus you have been willing to make him the center of your life. This is very understandable, as your first experience at true love will be a very real and long lasting memory regardless of which course you take moving forward. As a woman, you will always hold a very special place in your heart for this young man, even though realistically you may not end up spending your entire life with him. I hope that he is treating you the way that you want and deserve – a special, one of a kind, young woman who has a lot to offer.
Kristen, you owe it to yourself to enjoy each new stage of life. It wasn’t that long ago that you made a very special transition and emerged as a wonderful young woman. Thus you need to experience all aspects of life. Get back in touch with your friends, join a sorority, a sports team, a church or something else that will bring you both joy and pride as well as relationships and commitment -- try as many new things in life as you safely/legally can -- because this is your time girl!!!! The next 10 years of your life will be among the very best times because this is when it’s all about you. Get out there and enjoy all that life has to offer, and then, when the time is right, you will be the very best friend, wife and perhaps someday mother that you can.
And realize that this doesn't necessarily mean that you have to leave your boyfriend. He can remain a part of your life, just not your entire life. You both have far more to offer each other when you can comfortably spend time away with friends, at college, work or even some quite time alone, and then share those other aspects of your lives with each other when you are together.
You need to ask yourself a few basic questions: If you make your boyfriend the center of your life, your entire life, then how will you cope if/when that ends? Does your boyfriend expect or demand that you make it all about him or does he encourage you to branch out, make friends, experience life and grow? Does he still maintain friendships and go out with the guys? Are you putting too much pressure on him to be everything for you? Are you willing to allow/support him to grow as well?
You are much too young to be depressed about relationships. I know you may think that I do not understand. How could I because I am and “old man” and not you, right? Well, I know it may seem that way now, but one day soon you too will understand. You see, about 25 years ago a beautiful young woman loved me this way too. She felt that all we needed to survive was each other, but I was feeling very much like you are now. I sat her down and expressed that I lover her, but I need to experience life and grow into being a man with all of the responsibilities that come with it. At the time she felt that I was ruining her life. We stayed together for a short while, but we drifted apart as we began to date other people, learn about our likes and dislikes, and “define” ourselves. We survived just as millions before and after have, and you will too.
If there is anything in life that I regret, it is the fact that I failed to enjoy my youth to the fullest extent possible. That I wasted some of the best years of my life chasing what was ahead of me, the next stage if you will. Now at 40+, I am perhaps for the first time applying the brakes, trying to slow down and enjoy what is already around me.
Kristen, always know that you are unique and special. You do and will make a difference in the lives of many. Go out and seek what the world has to offer, make it your own, and leave your imprint on the lives of many!!! I personally wish you the very best!!!
2006-09-04 13:20:01 · answer #1 · answered by I plead the fifth! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that's pretty normal. You feel so down that you don't have the energy to speak and don't want to be hassled. I feel down walking into work each day cos I hate the place and I try to avoid the cleaners etc so I don't get the HIya! Morning! and don't have to respond. That may also be to do with the fact that I'm not a morning person. Basically I think you are drained energy-wise, and even talking is an effort. Depression does that. I felt like that many years ago when I was at school. You need something to lift your spirits, to do something you enjoy - go see a show or something. Gradually do things that make you happy, even little things.
2016-03-26 22:10:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing--dropping out of school for a guy is a no-no and I don't think he should have let you do it or at the very least he should have encouraged you to stay, however, look on the bright side, you did the right thing and got the diploma and are now in college at age 16! That's HUGE, you can be a lawyer by age 22 if you wanted to. WOW. Do you have any idea how many people a re 10 years older than you that don't even have a GED. Too many!
It may suck and feel like you're missing out on partying and all that stuff now and at some point you may need to get all of that out of your system. Tell him to take you out or something if he has this huge problem about you being with or speaking to other guys when you go out.
You really are missing out on being a kid and you will realize it more when you are older and you will be aware of it for the rest of your life, take it from someone who knows.
He needs to help you with whatever you need and whatever you're going through. You shouldn't be in this type of relationship where you can't go out, are practically married and STILL feel like you have no help with anything, what the hell is that. Do you live with him too?
He's really young himself what is he doing with himself aside from controlling your life? Not for nothing but he wants to look out for you when it comes to other guys but at the same time he's not looking out for you by you missing out on your teen years. These are the last young and carefree days people have, after it's bills and responsibilities and just LIFE!
2006-09-04 12:03:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You basically have two issues here. 1) your perspective of life at the moment. 2) Your boyfriend and friends.
1) 16 and in college is both good and bad. It's great if you have a career goal already in mind, and you are bound and determined to achieve it. The bad part is what you are experiencing right now in terms of your friends. You basicially alienated yourself out of your friend's lives. But don't let that depress you. Highschool is just Highschool. College is where the fun and excitement is, and your friends will be back in the picture once they get there. : )
2) Boyfriend. Hmm. If he is protective of you that just means that he is a little insecure. And he should be. You're independent enough to be in college by your own means, which means that you are intellengent, courageous, and a goal oriented person. After a while of being in college you will most likely find another guy that you are more in line with.
Trust me...you don't need your boyfriend at this stage in your life. If anything he is secondary to your education for now. One other thing to keep in mind is to stay in college...you will find out later on that your education is something that no one can take away from you. It's very valuable to get your degree in this day in age...and he should support your decision to complete college...if not...dump him. Even if it's temporary. Education first. : )
Anyway, I hope this helps.
2006-09-04 12:03:04 · answer #4 · answered by Chistiaŋ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a situation pretty much the same! My (ex)boyfriend was my first for everything! Although I didnt drop out of a normal highschool to be with him more, I did however spend everychance I got with him. I "thought" that I loved him and that he loved me. Although he wad very controlling and wouldnt let me go anywhere with out him! He trusted me but not the other guys, I could onl,y hang out with his friends (which in time became my friends) but I could only see or talk to them if he were there. He would check my phone and make sure a guy didnt call me.... Long story short We dated for 2 years and then I found out that he had been cheating on me for over 6 months! I learned that life after him is great. I have learned how to be a normal (now) 17 year old girl. ANd I love it!
2006-09-04 13:19:11 · answer #5 · answered by confusedbuthere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay old woman going to try to help you. You are missing out on the things a teenager should be doing. You should be going to proms and football games and dating a lot of different boys. I know why should you do that is your question. By dating and not being serious about just 1 boy you learn about yourself and what things you are looking for in the man you will spend your life with. You should be out partying and having fun and the fact that he is so protective and he is controlling you is sort of scary. Sometimes guys like this become abusers to try to keep you submissive and only with them. You need to talk to your mother and go back and live with her. You need time and freedom to find out who you are and what things you want out of your life. If your boyfriend doesn't want these things for you than you need to dump him and just leave. Good luck and have a great time in college.
2006-09-04 11:55:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you are in a depression state right now .. and I would strongly suggest to get someone to talk to, to be able to share your feelings openly and get it out.
As to not seeing your friends, you are still very young and should be able to have that right. Talk to your boyfriend about it, if he doesn't allow it then I would reconsider the relationship. Usually when a person does not allow you to have friends that is a form of control and in time it can get worse.
I can only make assumptions of what is going on because there is little detail .. I just hope that you find happiness and continue your education.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-04 11:46:19 · answer #7 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're smart enough to be in college, you're smart enough to know you have to make some hard choices here.
These years you miss you will never get back. You're old enough to have a bit of freedom but young enough not to have any obligations (to work or family) yet. This may be the last time for a long time that you'll have these opportunities to be somewhat carefree and learn some things about life before you REALLY have to get out there and live it.
If he's that possessive than this relationship is holding you back... but I think you know that. Hard as it may be for you, you need to make the break and enjoy this time while you have it.
Or you'll always wonder.
2006-09-04 11:55:25 · answer #8 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your are a 16 that needs to be a 16 year old. later in life you will regret it. i know i was 16 when i met my husband and totally stop hanging out with my friends. it not that he didn't want me to hang out with my friends. I am in my 30's now i have 3 kids same guy, but i sometimes wish that i didn't stay with the same person. that i was able to live life and have that freedom of trips to Cancun, and all the island as my friends did. I couldn't then because i had my son at 19 and i had to be responsible.. don't do the same mistake live. if he stops you have hanging with your friends then he is a control freak and you dont want to be stuck with something like that. be a teen.....
2006-09-04 12:26:46 · answer #9 · answered by WhAtEvEr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys should take a break or something and just get out there and live life. Your 16 for christs sake just have fun. Even take a break from college if you feel the need to. Try talking to this other boy you like, see if he's interested. Just live life.
2006-09-04 11:47:13 · answer #10 · answered by mandym5276861 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is rough at times but he is a controlling guy and you will not be happy with him in the future if you are not Happy now. You need a life other than him and your friends were your Friends before he was . Don't neglect those who care about you. give your self space from him and have fun and enjoy your friends . You also need to Be with other guys also. being controlling and selfish as your guy is toward you is not healthy and it Will cause serious problems later.
2006-09-04 11:48:25 · answer #11 · answered by StarShine G 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋