Details: Our anniversary...beautiful fancy dinner, we're laughing having fun. We go home, I already have on sexy frilly pretty bra and panties. I strip in the light of the closet. Crawl into bed...tell him how wonderful a time we had.
He turns over and falls asleep.
WTF?? What did I do wrong here? 11 year age difference...I'm 37, he's 48. Married three kids, I look okay. Not supermodel, but okay.
I'm almost willing to leave over this crap. Is it me??
2006-09-04 11:12:50 · 29 answers · asked by hamtaro 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We all have our stubborn or ignorant moments. Maybe he's stressed over some deal at work? Maybe he's worried about the bills? Maybe he's afraid of finishing in 30 seconds, if I'm reading your outfit right?
Turndowns suck. I've been there with my wife of 11 years as well, believe me. I've had the same reactions, but it always amazes me that when you confront them, they're absolutely clueless to having done anything wrong. My reaction is typically the same as yours. WTF? Then she gets mad at me for over-reacting.
Stick with it and try to work your way together to the root cause(s). It'll be worth it in the end.
Now, you owe me that same reassurance in a week when I ask the same question. Oh wait, I already did two nights ago. Well, just feel better knowing it probably has nothing to do with you or his feelings toward you.
2006-09-04 15:02:25 · answer #1 · answered by Ketel One Up 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haven't both sexes experienced this at one time or another ? Yes its insensitive and hurtful at the time but there could be a hundred and one reasons why he never responded the way you wanted him to. Was he particularly tired that night, was he not expecting you to want it, have you both got in that rut we all get into at some time or another, maybe sex doesn't seem so important to him now that you have a been in this long standing relationship, maybe he has a underlying problem either physical or emotional. Do you ever talk about sex and what you both want or is it just a duty between you both. Whatever the reason , you must talk to him and tell him how you felt. Dont let it simmer before you boil over and pack your bags. Talking is the key to all relationships - find out why from your hubby and not just ponder if its your fault. As men get older they dont need it as much as us women. We want more and more as we mature Finding the happy medium is the problem.
Happy Loving
2006-09-04 20:55:40 · answer #2 · answered by shanie_shaw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! What the **** is right! What was he thinking? Did he have too much to drink? Is he normally low sex drive?
Does he show you in ways he adores you? I would have been p***** of too... Well hurt probably... But none the less he may have a legitimate reason for this and you are the only one who knows that..
I think you should discuss how it made you feel about this... In a mans kind of way... Keep it light and to the point and very matter of fact... And listen to what he says before you bite back at him... Hear him out.... And take it from there....
Follow your gut instinct Chicky..... Best wishes.... And does he not know how many men would love to have their wives be so ready and willing and even to the point of putting something pretty on for him? He needs a wake up call Mommy....!
2006-09-04 18:19:50 · answer #3 · answered by Not Spoiled Just Loved♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could have a physical problem. Maybe he is not getting an erection like he use to and no longer has the desire. He should also be your best friend as well. You should be able to talk to him about anything. Be loving and understanding when it comes to talking about this subject. Do not blame yourself. He probably feels really bad and feels less of a man. If you get mad and tell him that he is not satisfying you he will be even more distant. Tell him he should maybe go see a doctor and find out what the problem is.
2006-09-04 18:21:09 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry this happened. It is very hurtful. Well, been there done that. We could do it at any time, he was always ready, but, when I'd get all "fixed up" for it with sexy nighties, it was a sure bet that nothing was going to happen! Well, it took me quite a few times back then to realize the pattern, I just don't do it anymore. He says, still 20 years later, that it wasn't intentional, that he was probably very tired and couldn't help it.
2006-09-04 19:08:17 · answer #5 · answered by swrong 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How drunk was he and how late in the evening was it. If he was wasted and it was like 2:00, I guess you took too long to undress and he feel asleep from exhaustion
OR, he was acting like he was sleeping because he no longer finds you attractive.
OR he always falls alseep before you can get busy, has this happened before?
OR he has someone else that he is getting it from and doesn't need it from you.
That's quite an age difference, there is nothing wrong with it but I would always worry about younger prettier woman he might be desiring.
2006-09-04 18:18:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i don't think it has anything to do with you or him for that fact.
Now he could have just as easy had a long stressful day and the minute his head hit the pillow he was out.Not that's what he wanted to do but it just happened like that.Or he could have a sleeping disorder that need to be checked out by a Doctor.
It could be a lot of things don't be so hard on yourself or him unless this keeps happening and sounds like it just may.
Let him know how you feel and tell him he needs to see a doctor.
I wish someone would try this on me.Good luck to you hope he gets it worked out..
2006-09-04 18:35:23 · answer #7 · answered by canuticklemepink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would consider leaving him over this one incident?? I hope I'm missing a big part of the picture here.
Give the poor guy a break! Have you ever not been in the mood but known your husband was? I know I have... before he had a chance to ask, I made it clear I wasn't interested. Sounds like that's what your hubby did to you.
Save your nightie for another night. That's all.
2006-09-04 19:03:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men get tier of always making the first move. I understand you put cute sexy under clothes for him. But you have to ask yourself how many times do you do that for him? They also want to fill wanted!! If you really wanted to make love to him that night, you should have done something to get him in the mood. Sometimes by putting on something sexy isn't enough you need to show and act on it. Don't think right away that he is cheatting on you. Unfortunately whats done is done but you still have many more nights ahead. If it is botherring you to much. You should talk with him and maybe you will get the answear that will leave you in peace. But also ask him what would he like for you to do for him. When it comes to satisfying his needs in the bedroom. Sometimes a little lack of communicating with your partner makes you start to wonder. Always communicate to your mate about your needs and wants. If you and him do that both your love making will increase by far..
2006-09-04 18:38:29 · answer #9 · answered by hazelshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow - read Krizzle's response and she could be right - he might be cheating on you.
Whatever it is you can't blame yourself for his actions. I would approach him and tell him it's bothering you. Don't do it in a confrontational way - just ask him if everything is ok because you were disappointed and that you were hoping for a little action on your anniversary :-)
Maybe he's stuck in a rut or maybe he's not feeling too sexy himself. Communication is key.
2006-09-04 18:19:29 · answer #10 · answered by sunssecret 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋