I don't need your parental permission, but why do I feel so guilty?

Question

I'm planning to get a piercing, but I'm afraid my father might have a cow. That's my main problem.

Now, let me get in depth, and maybe a little personal.

I'm 19, male, still living with my father in an apartment. I'm having this problem because I know he'll act negatively towards it if I just got it without his permission. My grudge though, is that he's not really THAT father figure. All he does is provide me with shelter and some allowance every now and then (which I appreciate), but that's all. We barely speak or have conversations, and furthermore, he doesn't realize that he left me out in the world without any solutions to my problems, like for paying 18k$ a year for my art college.

Anyway, I just want to do this for myself, but why do I feel so burdened? why do I have to have his permission? he barely cares about what I do, how I dress, etc., so why should he care about a piercing?

This might seems silly to most of you, but I'm really conflicted about this.

Help...

Answer 1

I agree to an extent with Slartibartfast, but not about the hate mail. You DO seem like a wonderful and intelligent young man. If my son who is your age had decided he wanted a peircing or tattoo or something, and really wanted it, and there was a good reason behind it, I would support him in that. BUT, back to Slartibartfast's theory, most highly intelligent and successful people DO NOT have odd peircings, easily visible tattoos, etc. I know a young boy a few years older than you who lives in a state in which you cannot get a food service job if you have tattoos on your hands. This guy doesn't have a diploma or GED (but is intelligent but emotionally/mentally unstable) and knows that his best chances of employment include lines like "Do you want fries with that?" I thought his decision to be stupid.

You'd be surprised sometimes the doors that close to you because of things like that, so do be careful. Another tidbit, just so you know, I have gotten some tattoos that are concealable when I was about your age and I never told or showed them to my parents, or wore clothing that shows them. It is an odd thing I have to live with the rest of my life. The sweeter side to that is with my older sister. I got a tattoo that was visible (but easily hidden) and she did see it and had a cow about how dirty tattoos can be, and all kinds of things she knew nothing about. Funny, years later she got a tattoo on her backside, and took to showing it off. Ewww....

Don't do it unless you are 100% confident in all areas that this is what you really want. A friend of mine tells her teenage boys to wait a year and if you still want it, then go for it!

Answer 2

If your father would get upset over something as silly as a pierceing then maybe it is time you two had a heart to heart talk. Obviously he cares about you but this seems a little strange. The best thing to do is what you want to do. You should have to ask permission to do something to your own body that won't affect him in any way. You live under his roof, but he doesn't have control over your body. He should respect you as a human being rather than trying to control you by means of his support.

Answer 3

Just get it done. Don't tell him you're planning it, don't tell him once you've done it. He's basically your roommate, right? If he hasn't cared thus far, he won't care now. If he does care, then you will have a geat opportunity to get your feelings out into the open. If you're paying any rent to him, even more so.
By the way, parents don't "owe" their children a college education. A young person must earn it for him/herself. If your parents are willing or able to pay it for you, be deeply grateful. If not, then all the more reason to be proud of it when you've finished! Honestly, a parent's financial obligations to children end at 18. Anything after that is a bonus...

Answer 4

your feelings are normal. Deep down inside you respect your father and y ou probably do not want to let him down or do something that will upset him especially since you still live with him.

You are an adult and you are free to make your own choices. your father may not agree with what you have chose to do, but he does not really have much say about the choices you make anymore.

If that is what you really want, then go for it. I remember when I was 19 , I went through the same thing. I wanted to get my ears double pierced, I knew my mother would not like it, but I did it anyway knowing that I am an adult and I am free to make my own choices.

Answer 5

OK - I'm a mom. Here's the deal from the parental side
He is paying your house payment, paying for your food and giving you money. You are living under his roof. He is going to look at it as if your are wasting what little money you have (and he probably gave you) on something that isn't going to help you get out on your own.
Get a job, save your money, move out for a year and then you can get help with that tuition and with your own money - get the piercing.

Answer 6

NereidoftheBlue
Don't do it.

If my email address could be seen by others I would not say what I'm about to say (being a coward)

NereidoftheBlue,
It's really common.
Like tattoos - really common.

You don't sound common. For instance most people on this site can't spell, but you can.

If you ever get to mix with well educated people or people of a good class - you don't see piercings or tattoos.

Now I'll sit and wait for all the hate mail to flood in. . . . . .

Answer 7

It seems to me, from how you have described your relationship here, that it really wouldn't matter one way or another to him. However, if you really are that conflicted about it you should give the piercing some deeper thought. Maybe you should ask him, you may not talk much but this seems like it is something that you should discuss.

Answer 8

Just do it, it'll give you both something to talk about. A parent is never going to give approval when their offspring want to pierce or tattoo their body.
Actually don't do it if it's somewhere gross, piercings on guys aren't very attractive, except maybe eyebrow piercings, they can look cool on the right guy.

Answer 9

I am the father of a 17 year old girl, and I guess I have the same problem, I am just a quit type of guy, but I can asure you that I love my daughter very much, and I'm sure your dad loves you too.

Answer 10

I can relate to you, I got a tattoo when I was 18 and my dad slapped me ..just get it and don't say a word if he can see it then just tell him you are an adult and can do what you want