OK IVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 4 YEARS NOW, I AM MARRIED TO A WONDERFULL MAN AND FATHER. I DUE TO VERY BAD PAST RELATIONSHIPS HAVE A VERY HARD TIME TRUSTING HIM. HE TRUST ME COMPLETLY HE HAS TOLD ME SO AND ALL OF HIS OLD FRIENDS I HAVE TALKED TO WHO I AM GOOD FRIENDS WITH CANT FIGURE OUT WHY I WOULDNT TRUST HIM. I WILL DO ANYTHING WHEN I START TO THINK SOMEHTING IS GOING ON FROM CHECKING BOTH HIS E-MAILS CHECKING WHO HE HAS CALLED GOING THROUGH HIS STUFF, I NEED TO STOP BUT ITS HARD I HAVE NEVER HAD A GUY BE FAITHFULL TO ME ANY SUGGESTIONS ON WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP WITH THIS. I HAVE HAD HIM CHANGE HIS PW TO HIS E-MAILS AND LOCK UP HIS STUFF BECAUSE I NEED TO GIVE HIM HIS PRIVACY, BUT I CANT GET OVER THESE WHAT IF FEELINGS.
2006-09-04 10:27:36 · 12 answers · asked by girlie1921 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I DO LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY MY HERT AND CANT EVEN IMAGINE NOT BEING WITHOUT HIM AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME THE SAME WAY, HE IS IN THE ARMY AND WITH 2 ONE YEAR DEPLOYMENTS (WE ARE ALOMST DONE WITH THE SECOND ONE) AND AFTER COUNTING HAVE ONLY SPENT 1 YEAR TOGETHER. WE TRIED COUNSLING FOR OTHER THINGS BUT I DIDDNT WANT TO BRING UP THE TRUST THING AGAIN, BECAUSE IT HURTS HIM AND I CAN SEE IT HURTS HIM WHEN I FEEL THIS WAY.
2006-09-04 12:16:52 · update #1
It's been at least 4 years since your last bad relationship and you know it's time to leave the past in the past. If this guy treats you well, is loving, caring, and most importantly, faithful, you need to choose to trust him.
Trust and love are usually intertwined, I don't see in your question the mention of love. If you truly love someone your heart would leave you no option but to trust them, but if you know deep inside that you cannot love and therefore not trust him then you need to tell him so.
Obviously you want to be with him, so you know that what you need to do instead is open your heart one more time and embrace love one more time, knowing that you've survived heartbreak before and you could do it again if you had to. I suspect that if he had the character flaws of those that hurt you in the past they would have come to the surface by now.
2006-09-04 10:38:35 · answer #1 · answered by live2ride 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once youve been burnt its not easy to trust again but you will have to believe in something sooner or later so it might as well be him. If you dont youre going to destroy the one good thing you have in your life and its not worth losing him because of your past. Leave your past where it belongs and move on to your future with him. It wont be easy but its better than what youre doing now. Obviously her husband knows of this, just tell him to work with you on this and before you know it, youll be just fine. Good luck
2006-09-04 17:38:45 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are living in the past even though you are in a new relationship. You need to realize that you are with a new person that has not done anything to you to make you question his trustworthiness. You need to deal with your past 'demons' and move one. If you are with a great guy that really truly loves you and cares about you, then you should do everything you can to not jeopardize that.
2006-09-04 17:40:56 · answer #3 · answered by cyncase007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must be some reason as to why you don't trust him after 4 years of marriage. Have you considered therapy?
2006-09-04 17:35:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's because you've been hurt before, and you're expecting it to happen again, regardless of how good it may be. I'd say, stop stressing yourself if you've got it good. You don't want to spend the rest of your life always worrying about nothing.
2006-09-04 17:32:53 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. Ma'am 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider getting therapy.
This isn't about him. This is about your past relationships. You need to let go of the past and move on. If you don't, this could jeapordize your current relationship.
2006-09-04 17:30:54 · answer #6 · answered by C K Platypus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive been their done that, check his bank acount and credit cards, keep track of his spending, and that is an open topic that you dont have to hide between both parties. when something becomes suspicious ask, dont yell because he wont tell you and it will make it worse, be partners and just ask, you dont have to beleive him , be alittle perswasive to get the answer. if he looks into your eyes and tells, youll know, not your freinds just you will know, people who lie dont look into your eyes but look away
2006-09-04 17:45:51 · answer #7 · answered by gadget1961 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its simple, just don't invade his privacy. If he is faithful then you have no reason to go through his things, i understand you have issues with trust but you need to learn control of them otherwise it will ruin your relationship.
2006-09-04 17:31:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know.. if a guy is going to be unfaithful.. he will.. no matter if you trust him or not.. or check up on him or not.. so my advice to you.. is to trust him... untiil he proves you otherwise.. otherwise.. he will get fed up of this and will more than likely cheat on you or whatever... if you could.. try for some counselling sessions too.. it might help you to get rid of the anxiety you have...
2006-09-04 17:34:40 · answer #9 · answered by Lyne B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow i think i married your sister..lol..iv learned to just except the fact that she don't trust me and i have nothing to hide so it really don't bother me. you have to maybe seek some professional help{yeah i know that will never happen}. go out with him and if he has only eyes for you you need"nt worry if they wander hmmmmm. good luck
2006-09-04 17:33:53 · answer #10 · answered by motox 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋