me and my wife split up months ago and I struggled to handle the situation due to our daughter I miss them so much and have tried to make up with the wife but got fed up of trying now, but she texts me etc asking for help with money and I help her, she tells me she is skint but seems to be pulling money out of thin air ! am I being treat like a mug or is it normal for me to respond to her to help ?
2006-09-04 10:13:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
MUG. And its normal, of course it is, you don't want your daughter going short. I had the same problem some years ago I won't go into figures, but she wasn'r satisfied and opened a claim with the CSA, who asked me to contribute less than half of what I had been giving her!
Trouble is, basically, if you are a decent normal bloke, you are screwed. You won't let your daughter go short and she will pull any trick she can to get your money, but (for most women) really for the same reason.
Any chance of coming to an agreement? If not, I would check the guidelines for support of a child (have a look at the CSA website) and pay her no more than that until a judge says otherwise. Sorry mate, you are both in for a rough ride.
2006-09-04 10:22:55 · answer #1 · answered by The_Otter 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure what you mean by "split up", are you divorced, offcially seperated? I think it is normal to care for the people you love. You may not be with them but you still may care about their welfare. I would just go through the court system and get some kind of child support set up and visitation rights. You don't necessarily need a lawyer, all the forms are available to you and pretty easy to understand. Just don't lose your relationship with your daughter over this and don't end up paying back child support with interest because you weren't giving her enough or giving her money in an unofficial way. For now save all the returned checks and don't just give her cash. You need to keep a log of EVERYTHING and just be cautious and still try to be the best Dad you can be. Good luck, it's difficult but the past is the past and you must move forward and think of your daughter.
p.s. depending on the state you live in many forms are available to you on the court website on the internet
Also, I would go to the bookstore and sit their read about these situations and get yourself familiar with what lies ahead of you. You can also get a hold of alot of books on father rights and child custody that are used on Amazon.com
2006-09-04 17:23:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normal for you to help her as you still have feelings for her, but for what reason? She will take your money but Im afraid by the way it sounds,she has no intention of getting back together with you and I sure hope you didnt pay the money thinking it would help you two to reconcile. Maybe time to face reality and the fact that this isnt going to happen so time to really consider divorcing her. Youll end up paying child support, maybe even spousal support but youll get visitation rights and that way you will be with your daughter You will pay the same amount each month so she wont be able to ask you for more and bully you into paying for whoever knows what. You will also be able to move on with your own life and be happy again. Think about it and good luck
2006-09-04 17:23:44 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a friend of mine split with his wife she and the children got social security fearing the CSA they came to an agreement about child support. he also bought there clothes etc and had the children every weekend. his wife demanded more and more money off him until he found that he couldn't survive with the money he had left. because he could not give her any more money she went to the CSA. my mate was at the end of his tether at this point but went through with it anyway (well he had to). imagine the relief when it was all sorted and he had to pay less than half of what he was giving his wife.the irony of this story is that his wife never saw any of his money after that cos it was payed straight to the CSA and she was already getting SS so what he spends on the children the know comes from HIM.
PS i hope you are getting a receipt when you give her money cos when the CSA get involved its your word against hers and if you have no proof your payments will go back to when you split. good luck mate things will get better be Strong for yourself and the kid.
2006-09-04 18:09:50 · answer #4 · answered by Deano™ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're being played. You divorce settlement Agreement should outline any and money she had or has coming . Don't give her a damn thing. If she can't make it on her own assets get custody of your child and kiss her *** goodbye.
Any money thats comes from you to her at this point should be done through the Family court system. Custody should be your main focus. Your daughters needs come first.
Example:
If the x says she needs money for school clothes don't give her money, take your daughter shopping. Be A DAD!not a banker.
2006-09-04 17:19:04 · answer #5 · answered by RhinoBoy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you've split up for good then you should stop supporting her completely, if you're worried about your daughter then you can always open a bank account in her name and put money in there for her.
At the moment it sounds as though you're using the financial aid as an excuse to keep the relationship alive in any form that you can. If you aren't the one who instigated the break-up then you should just move on with your life, if you are then your ex may be trying to keep you in her life.
2006-09-04 17:41:29 · answer #6 · answered by reaper8436247 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your only responsibility is to your daughter and their are official channels for your money to travel from you to her.
Anything you give direct to your ex-wife is over and above what should be going through the Child Support Agency so it's more than you need to provide.
Good luck with this.
2006-09-04 17:17:18 · answer #7 · answered by rnnbrwn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think for the sake of ur daughter yes
cu sif u dont she will drag it and bring in law enforcement and u awill pay child support cus the child is not staying with u
try saving the marriage or tell her u guys get divorce so u pay u r child support and move on with ur life
2006-09-04 17:18:48 · answer #8 · answered by maku d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's stuck help her out, but make sure you tell her you want you rights to spend time with your kid. Don't let her take you for mug :(
2006-09-04 17:16:22 · answer #9 · answered by pendlewrenn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you should come to an agreement to make regular payments, which you can prove you are making - not just giving her handouts whenever she asks.
2006-09-04 17:16:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋