i dont love my husband.we have 2 great kids.but he is always trying to pick fights with me.i use to chat in chat rooms nothing serious just meeting new friends i would talk to guys and girls (as friends only).i stopped chatting and deleted my yahoo messenger.but yesterday i added my messenger back i created a new account just to talk to my brother in law and his g/f we are best friends.so today for no reason he starts putting me down and called my a whore.i lost most of my friends because they didnt like him...what should i be doing?
2006-09-04 09:56:44 · 21 answers · asked by browneyez 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband is a control freak, and you know it. It is entirely your choice, as it was when you married him..this is NOT news to you, he has not changed one iota, unless to get worse. And your friends are right..why would they like him? Perhaps it is time to find some backbone and stand up to him! What is your problem that you cannot go out in the day and renew your friendships..you need them in your life. And I would NOT cancel my account with your friends on line to satisfy a person who will not be satisfied until you are completely broken..and in fact, once you are broken, he will have no use for you. Wise up, woman...do you want your kids to come out the same way! they learn by example, and if they are boys..this is NOT an example I would want them to have. Perhaps it is time that he learn who is really in control here. A lawyer can set him very straight very quickly. You could sue for divorce, child support, and alimony in one fell swoop, ya know...or you could just sit back and feel sorry for yourself, raise your kids to be exactly like him, and go whatever way you are going. You don't need to ask here what to do..in this day and age, you already know what to do. So do it!
2006-09-04 10:17:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if it is the wisest thing to do to leave your husband just because he starts fights with you. You have 2 kids with the guy. After you've attempted discussing things with him many, many times and maybe even tried counseling should divorce be an option. Divorce is NOT easy and it is very expensive and it just tears the children apart so before you put your family in jeopardy get some help from a professional who can try to help you guys through the rough times. He may just be insecure nad needs to hear some reassurance from you. Maybe you two have to just communicate better. It could be so many things that may be fixed by just trying a little harder by the both of you.
2006-09-04 17:14:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to a controller. And after 11 yrs. I got out. It hurt a lot when I did it. But now I am moving on and am finding the closure I need. I thought I had to stay with him because we were member's in a church and I know divorce is wrong but. I know God would not want me to stay in the situation I was in. I was not happy. I tried to go to marriage counseling but that did not work. If you don't love him then you shouldn't be with him. But if you do love him and both are willing to try counseling then you should find a good counselor in your area and try it out. Good luck in what ever you do.
2006-09-04 17:26:45 · answer #3 · answered by BLONDIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He thinks he is the all mighty and you can't do anything.I'm thinking he is Hard for you to get a point across for him to understand your feeling.He is doing the worst thing to humiliate you that he can.That stripes you from your self pride and a lot more.The best thing is to fight fire with fire don't be easy and give in and leave.Make him leave with his own medicine Tell how you feel and how its going to be every time he slams you you slam him back.Don't give him any time to relax keep nagging and nagging at him till he leaves.
After he leaves your life will start getting better and you will feel better by the 2nd day.You can do it.
If you can afford to make it own your own pack you stuff and go then that would make life so much easier.
Good luck to hope you get it worked out smile be happy!!
2006-09-04 18:20:04 · answer #4 · answered by canuticklemepink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't answer why you don't leave but I didn't leave for a long time bc of the unknown. I was afraid. What if I made a mistake? What if I couldn't support my child? What if this? What if that? When I finally did it, I had wasted a lot of years asking what if. My finances had improved so I was in a better position that way. My self-esteed improved immediately! I suddenly realized who I really was and how happy I could be. I thought I knew how unhappy I was but once I got the nerve to leave, I realized a lot of things I didn't know about myself. Ask yourself why he doesn't leave if he is so unhappy he has to call you names. Do you want your children to think this is the way life should be? Would you want a daughter of yours to live this way or a son of your to treat someone this way? What is it in you that says it's okay for someone to speak to you like that?
"Who does he think he is?" Look at him real close and ask yourself, " Who is this person to speak to me like that?! Why would I allow my children to see that?" By not protecting yourself from him, you are not protecting your children. By not protecting your children, you are allowing them to be verbally abused and you are being verbally abused. If you want your two great kids to remain great kids, get them out of an abusive home so they do not grow up to be abusive or look for abusive spouses. You do not deserve to be treated like a dog. A dog doesn't deserve to be treated like that. Do the right thing for you and those beautiful children. God bless you.
2006-09-04 17:29:05 · answer #5 · answered by Alexi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may find it hard to leave for the same reasons you were attracted to him in the first place.
Most people are going to say that he is controlling. Assuming that that is true, you chose a controlling person for a reason, and you stay with a controlling person for a reason and unless you change that reason. Sine you seem to be attracted to controlling people, even if you leave him, you will only choose a controlling person again.
2006-09-04 17:09:21 · answer #6 · answered by David P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get professional counseling. Speak with someone qualified to see the signals you are not seeing. He's isolating you from everyone and trying to prevent you from communicating with others. Haven't you noticed how it's getting progressively worse? Those are the first signs. Plan to leave him. Seek professional help so that you can assure yourself of maintenance or alimony AND child support. Be careful. Be smart. Get counseling and get out of that situation. 'Nuff said.
2006-09-04 17:07:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I would do is find out who he's seeing. It would seem to me that someone that has a guilt complex behaves the way he does.....
I would however avoid chatting for your own sanity... 95% of the people on there aren't who they say they are... so how can they be friends?
2006-09-04 17:10:46 · answer #8 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husbant did this to me too and now i decide to leave him i found a good lawyer and i really leave him.it's not good for anybody to not have any freinds.hwo has no freinds i think has no heart to share with somebody,hwo has no heart why keep him than?man are so strange human been.and why do u stay with him if u don't love him?this is what i don't understeand to a married woman,why do you have to stay with him just for kids?
i have 2 kids too but i can't live in the same house with some one i don't love anymore.it's not fair for you.let him go............
2006-09-04 17:13:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try separating for a time with the focus of both of you getting counseling (first individually; then together) for your marriage.
Deal with this one step at a time--and this is, I would suggest, your next best step.
Good luck!
2006-09-04 17:27:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋