Married for 22 years. 2 great children. Husband is controlling, self centered spoiled brat. He gets angry for silly reasons. He wouldnt go out to eat the other night because he didnt think we were dressed up enough, so he stays home. Last week he got angry at me for not being home when a storm came up and we lost a tree(wind damage) He expects me to work 40 hrs a week, keep the house clean, laundry, cook, cut the grass (6 acre yard) pay the bills all while he works his 37.5 hrs a week and sits infront on the computer when he is not working. He sleeps in the livingroom and has for several years. His children could care less if they ever seen him again. They were made to feel that they werent good enough for him to be proud of them. No matter how good of a job they did, he found fault. If it were sports, or their homework, friends, driving, you name it. He gets along with nobody and has no friends. Of course I am not allowed any either. Better or worse LOL.. how about ALL WORSE???
2006-09-04 09:48:25 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
PS. yea i know i married him, but things didnt use to be this bad. This has been on going for about 10-12 years now. I feel that life is passing me by and I have no hope for happiness. Should I stay for the better or worse. .which is mainly worse. Or should I go in order to have some happiness with what time I have left??
2006-09-04 09:50:34 · update #1
dont you just love it when others 'ASSUME" you are the villian?????
2006-09-04 10:17:13 · update #2
Sometimes you have to take steps to make your own happiness.. If you want to attempt to work on the relationship, then maybe seek counseling. However if that doesn't work, then leave the relationship. Everything you wrote is not a relationship, its not a marriage and it doesn't even sound like you have a friendship..
I hope things get better and I really hope you find happiness.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-04 09:56:02 · answer #1 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If it is so bad as you say it is why are you still with him? 22 years is a long time to be with someone that you are not happy with. You allowed him to control you and now you want out. I do not blame you at all. Talk to him about how your feeling because you have the right to be happy. If he refuses to listen then I would suggest you two seperate to sort out some issues you have. Maybe suggest marriage councelling as well. You should seek councelling by yourself to see why you are letting this man control you for all of those years.
2006-09-04 10:46:54 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hm...this is a tough one. You could leave him and move towards a happy life and a rewarding relationship with your kids...or you can continue to play the role of mother/slave to this grown man who has no ambition and no respect for you or your children. Eventually your kids will grow up and realize that their father's a childish tyrant and their mother's a wimp, and you'll have invested another 10 or 20 years in pushing your heavy rock up an endless hill. Call me impulsive, but I'm gonna go with LEAVE THE JERK. PLEASE. The man is a loser, and just because he's YOUR loser doesn't make it any better. Time to cut your losses, dear. Don't waste another minute on this turd.
2006-09-04 10:01:38 · answer #3 · answered by Patrick C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How come he only works 37.5 hours a week and you work 40 hours plus? Is it part-time or does he work retail? That doesn't sound right.
You know maybe you should do a trial separation. Where you kick his butt out and see if he could live by himself. Tell him he can't visit (you know just in case he needs laundry done or whatever).
2006-09-04 11:45:49 · answer #4 · answered by darkhunterfan65 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is miserable, so he tries to make everyone around him miserable, and is doing a good job of it!!!! I don't believe that we HAVE to stay in marriages where we are abused. It sounds to me like you are verbally and psychologically abused. I would start planning my "escape" route NOW (give away some stuff, sell some stuff, save some money that he won't know about), and get out of there in the next few months. Life is too short to spend it being a door mat.
2006-09-04 10:03:27 · answer #5 · answered by lcamel2000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you say it's been going on for 10-12 years now. Phooey. It's not ALL his fault. You are at least 50% of the problem. Question is, do you want to be that or more of the solution.
The problem is that you come here - the wrong place - seeking advice. We can't help you. We go along with you while you feel sorry for yourself, but really, your failings and his failings are no one's business but your own.
One thing is odd, however...being married much longer than you, I can only think of one reason I would sleep on the sofa for more than even one night. And, no, it's not the wife banishing me as the silly sitcoms portray. Husbands are the only ones who can rightfully "banish" themselves from the bedroom. So, for him to spend years sleeping in another room speaks volumes about who/what is and who/what is not going on in your household.
2006-09-04 10:06:35 · answer #6 · answered by mellow 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
There comes apoint in everyones life when enough becomes enough. You just have to figure out when that point was. It sounds to me that point was long ago and its time to seriousily think about stop taking his crap and mental/emotional abuse and start living for yourself. No one has to put up with abuse for as long as you have. Your kids should have moved on and now is time for you to do so too. Youve given this man some of the best years of your life and nothing in return but abuse. Time to live your dream. Tell him youve had enough of his crap and if he doesnt change immediately, youre outta there and sue him for everything you are legally entitled to and move on. The abuse must stop now and your life begins. Good luck. If I can be of futher assistance,please feel free to email me.
2006-09-04 10:06:07 · answer #7 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take yourself to counseling, get some course of action to start a plan to help yourself & your children to regain some self esteme. Then take hubby to doc to be sure no medical problems. Do what it takes, don't just give up. That is the easy american way. Good luck and god bless.
2006-09-04 10:03:01 · answer #8 · answered by BeenDareDoneThat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to declare this yet my grandfather have been given ot be the comparable way and as quickly as we've been ultimately able to get him to the well being practitioner they mentioned he became interior the early levels of Alzheimer's ailment. The well being practitioner informed us that they are going to start to alter their moods often and in the event that they don't understand or won't be able to attend to what is going on they are going to turn it to anger. some human beings take their anger out on everybody and don't understand what they are doing is faulty and how plenty they are hurting their relatives. while you're you able to might desire to get him to a doctor and notice in the event that they are able to be certain what's faulty with him yet i could do it as quickly as possible in the previous he severs even though relationship he has along with his kin. stable good fortune!
2016-11-24 21:34:48 · answer #9 · answered by bartelt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider marriage counseling. If he won't go, go by yourself.
I'd definately stop cutting the grass. You have enough on your plate. Either get a nice riding lawn mower or hire a service.
Next time he refuses to go out because of one thing or another. go by yourself.
If you've had enough, leave him.
2006-09-04 10:39:12 · answer #10 · answered by C K Platypus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋