How can I make it right?

Question

I suffer from borderline personality disorder, and have hurt my wife. I have just come to terms with my problems (of course, after I hurt her), and am willing to do anything to fix my issue so that we can be happy together. But how do I show her this? How do I tell her this? How do I make her see that I understand what my problems are and I am willing to go to any lengths to fix them? Help, please!

By the way, I'm not blaming my hurting her on my problem. It might have been a contributing factor, but it was still me who did the hurting.

Answer 1

WOW... well, you are right about having to SHOW her, all the talk in the world is not going to help.

You need to take that first step, realize you have a problem, talk to a therapist or counselor to work through your issues. Then as you make progress, include her in some sessions.

Communicate! Hopefully it's not beyond that point, she may be too hurt (depending on what transpired already) to even want to work on this.

Since she's seen the problems, she now needs to see you're working on improving yourself and the situation. Don't make more excuses, if you're working on fixing things it will show.

You did this, you can also do what it takes to make it right, no one else can.

People have limits, boundaries. I hope it's not too late for you! Please let us know how it goes! I only hope the outcome is something you both can live with!

=)

Answer 2

Borderline personality disorder is a tough one to combat. If you have not gone to seek the help of a professional, do it now. The thing that all people HAVE to remember in a relationship is... there is someone else in this with you - not just you.

I know that understanding what you did that hurt someone is very important, but understanding that it was the wrong thing to do is important for future mistakes to be prevented. She may need counseling as well, to understand where you come from with such a disorder.

Good luck to you... and God Bless!!

Answer 3

Since you are obviously quite young you have yet to fully understand how wasteful counseling is. If you really need counsel try your father and mother or your pastor or all three... if you have any one or any combination of the three. They are the ones who have the necessary wisdom and who will be the straightest with you. Your nickname here suggests, one: complete immaturity, and two, the lack of a good pastor. Nevertheless, if you want the best "counseling" seek one out.

I must ask, however, how it is that you know/assume you are a "borderline personality disorder" sufferer. Long-time history of disorders? The doctor said so? What does borderline personality disorder mean, anyway?? From my vantage point I can pin that title on half the people I come across in a single day. So, really what does it mean. Is it a label to excuse you from being a prick? Is it something your wife told you you had because you were mean to her?

If you are sincere in you attitude to straighten up and stop abusing others for no reason other than selfishness, then your wife will be all for it and readily forgive you. She will NEVER forget what you did to her, however. For that, my brother, you are pegged for life. That's not all bad, either. Unless, of course, you hurt her again. If you do, then you prove yourself totally worthless and someone no one can/should trust.

Answer 4

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My husband suffers from the same thing. And I hate to say it, but every time he's feeling guilty for having hurt me and said awful things in heat of the moment, he's never been more remorseful.

But then he gets mad at something else a few days/weeks later, and convinces himself that somehow, this time it's different, this time he's right, etc. and lets himself go off on me again.

If you really, really are remorseful and want to make it up to her, get her a book called 'Stop Walking on Eggshells'...

YOU get a WORKBOOK called 'Don't Let Your Emotions Run Your Life', and when you are feeling angry and want to fight with your wife, go into your room (by yourself), and work through a few of the exercises... they will 9help) bring you from level-10 mad to level-1 mad, by pointing out that your feelings aren't warranted and that you are jumping to conclusions.

When you leave that room, you will be coming back to your wife with the best gift you could ever give her: your sense of reason back.

Good luck!
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Answer 5

You don't say what kind of 'borderline personality disorder'. And who told you that anyhow? Go see a shrink and tell your wife you have done so and you're working on your problem. Also, tell her you love her and need her very much.

Answer 6

don't put all the blame on you,maybe she did something to upset you so that's why u did hurt her,it's not good but i'm sure she will forgive you.anyway in the future don't repeat this mastake again and try to find hwo you really are,cause if you don't know and if you don't trust you ,u can't do mutch things for youre wife.i think everyone have a second chance to do something to turn the wrong things into right things

Answer 7

First off...? See it from her viewpoint: SHE SUFFERS from your borderline (?) personality disorder... From the sound of your pseudonym, it seems like you passed the borderline awhile ago...

How do you blah-de-de-blah-de-de-blah, you ask...?
PRAY TO GOD DAILY, SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP, STAY ON THE MEDS, LET TRUST BE REBUILT OVER TIME...
Become someone you love and respect and she will love and respect you in return... Allow her to share in your struggles... COMMUNICATE!!!

Answer 8

You are asking strangers sir... We don't know what you mean by "hurt her". You have just come to terms with your problems, was that by counceling or just had a revelation one day....If you are honest in what you say, then you don't need us to tell you how to fix it, she's your wife, and you should know how to try to fix things with her.

Answer 9

Fix what. I say cross the Ts and dot the Is and finish this little tale off with a back hand.

Because once you start hitting them, then they'll love you forever. Advantage you.

Don't get mad ladies, it's positively a fact, as much as it hurts. If it helps, I would never do that, because I don't need to feel superior.

Answer 10

tell her that you saw a doctor who diagnosed you w/this disorder (i assume that you did). give her information about what this disorder does to you and how you have come to terms w/it. if she's able to come to grips w/that then go into some counseling. Good luck!