I mean, we get along great, been together 4 years, have 3 kids. But every once in a while, we fight. And when we fight...WE FIGHT! Both of us have bruises and cuts. He punched me in the jaw and I kicked him in the face. I have a bruise on my arm, shoulder, jaw, and face (by my ear) and he has scratches all over his arms. Is it normal to fight like this? Does this make both of us ghetto? It didnt' happen in front of the kids, but I'm sure they sense the tension between he and I.
The thing is, everyone looks at us as the 'perfect couple' and it's not an act...we are. We have everything going for us, but sometimes, when we argue, it turns physical. I used to just let him hit me and I would take it, now I'm starting to fight back. How crazy do I sound???
2006-09-04 08:24:41 · 12 answers · asked by amyvnsn 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why does everyone keep asking about the kids? I said that the kids were not even in the same place as us. They were with my mother-in-law, and we were in the car - they did not see or hear anything that happened.
Yes, I know it's messed up...that's why I posted this question. And...retarded? Umm. no. But, I do need to hear ctritisizm so I know how bad things really are.
2006-09-05 06:51:59 · update #1
WHO ARE YOU TRING TO CONVINCE? YOU "GET ALONG GREAT"......THAT IS A LOAD OF BULL.
SELF-PRESERVATION CAUSES US TO THINK THAT WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. IT CAUSES US TO FORGET THAT THE OTHER PERSON FEELS THE SAME WAY. WE ALL HAVE OUW OWN PRIORITIES AND SOMETIMES THEY CONFILCT.
EMPATHY MEANS THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THE OTHER PERSON HAS THEIR OWN FEELINGS, WHICH MAY DIFFER FROM YOURS. ALL PEOPLES' FEELINGS ARE LEGITIMATE, EVEN WHEN YOU DO NOT AGREE OR UNDERSTAND THEM. EMPATHY MEANS THAT YOU ACCEPT THE OTHER PERSON'E DIFFERING VIEW, AND EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEM.
YOU TWO NEED COUNSELING TO LEARN HOW TO SEE THINGS FROM THE OTHER PERSON'S PERSPECTIVE, AND ACCEPT IT. YOU ARE BOTH TOO NARCISSISTIC. HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR KIDS WILL TURN OUT?
AND YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT. COUNTRIES GO TO WAR BECAUSE OF THEIR UNWAVERING STUBBORNNESS. YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE AT WAR. SO WHO WILL WIN? WHO WILL LOSE? i WILL GIVE YO A HINT: THE CHILDREN.
REALTIONSHIPS ARE ALL ABOUT COMPROMISE AND EMPATHY. WALK A MILE IN HER/HIS SHOES. WHAT SO YOU SEE? TELL THEM WHAT YOU SEE. GIVE THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, AND LET THEM EXPLAIN WHAT THEY MEANT TO SAY.
DO NOT LET YOURSELF ESCALATE TO THE POINT TO WHERE YOU WANT TO CAUSE YOUR PARTNER PAIN BECAUSE YOU NEED TO BE RIGHT. WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE IS THAT FOR KIDS?
THIS IS NO WAY TO RAISE KIDS, TO THINK THAT THIS IS HOW MATURE ADULTS BEHAVE. WHY DO YOU THINK SO MANY KIDS ARE SO SCREWED UP? YES, IT IS GHETTO. SHOULD WE EXPECT TO SEE YOU ON JERRY SPRINGER SOON?
QUIT BEING SO SELFISH AND SHOW YOUR KIDS THAT MATURE ADULTS RESPECT EACH OTHER AND LIFT EACH OTHER UP. THE BEST GIFT TO YOUR CHILDREN IS A HEALTHY AND SATISFYING REALTIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTNER. BE A BETTER EXAMPLE.
GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP OR GET COUNSELING. DO IT FOR YOUR CHILDREN......
2006-09-04 08:44:19 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so not normal! Bruises,cuts,punches, kicking???!!! And you call that getting along great? How can you dismiss this as "just once in awhile"? For 4 years? How crazy do you sound? REAL CRAZY!! Morbid! Surprising one you aren't dead by now. And that possibility hasn't been ruled out. People see you as "the perfect couple"? They have had to have noticed bruises and scratches. This is such an act as to be a flagrant delusion.
Now I wasn't going to bother responding to this at all. You can beat each other to a pulp for all I care. But the thing is you're both doing this around your 3 kids. Yes, they sense the tension. For sure they do. Just because it's not happening in front of them doesn't mean they don't know what's going on. Kids are the most perceptive beings in the whole universe. But here they don't have a chance in this situation. You both have mapped out a course in their lives. They're being exposed to first hand violence. And they are learning it from the two of you.
You know you what you all need and you can't hide it. Something in the form of a third party intervention, counseling, therapy. You both really need to be separated from each other.The sooner the better. Because, like you just said, "when we fight WE FIGHT".
2006-09-05 00:33:07 · answer #2 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are not in a healthy relationship. Both of you need some serious counseling. Any kind of physical abuse on either side of the relationship is not good! You two need to grow up and stop fighting like you are in kindergarten, you have children for gods sake.
2006-09-04 08:32:26 · answer #3 · answered by Dre 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, I could see one kid without a ring on the finger, but 3???
Bruises and cuts sounds like both of you need police and psychologist intervention.
In case you are confused...this is NOT NORMAL!!!!!
It doesnt make you ghetto, it makes you retarded.
Do you realize that your children will watch you and think that IT IS NORMAL???? Do you want your kids to marry people that they punch and scratch?
2006-09-04 08:45:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both need serious counselling.. no it's not normal.. and I really hope you don't do this in front of the kids.. or they are not next door able to hear everything that's happening.. otherwise.. they'll be as screwed up as you two.. and will more than likely do the same and become wife beaters...
good get some help for God's sake...
2006-09-04 08:28:01 · answer #5 · answered by Lyne B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no that is not normal. that's called JAIL TIME, it's domestic violence, you can have your kids pulled out of the home,till you both get your life straten out . if he hits you again, call the police, it's not worth loosing your kid(s) over. besides, your a women, is that all he knows how to do, is fight a women. you don't deserve him, you need a better man who will respect you as a women. you should never be beat on. honestly baby, get out of the relationship before he hurts you really bad.
2006-09-04 08:44:18 · answer #6 · answered by rickinobetz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very crazy, if you just let him hit you, you don't deserve to be hit by noone neverless your man. Try to work on why you and him fight so much. Instead of fighting, sit down and talk about the situation instead of getting into physical fighting.
2006-09-04 08:36:11 · answer #7 · answered by BabyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No..It is not normal. But it is your relationship. If a woman ever slapped me the relationship is over for me. No exceptions. I have zero tolerance for that crap.
2006-09-04 08:30:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO! It aint normal what it is...is a form of disrespect and you guys dont want ur kids to think that its ok to do it. besides one of you can slip and really hurt the other, it can even become fatal.... so please STOP....MAKE LUV NOT WAR...
2006-09-04 08:37:22 · answer #9 · answered by babygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not normal...maybe in your sick way but what do you tell your kids when they ask what happened do you lie or do you tell them the truth...
2006-09-04 08:48:53 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋