Just having my first child 3 months ago of course i feel very protective, to make it worse my family in law are forever picking my baby up when not asked and passing her around from person to person, taking her for short walks without my permission. They say this is good for her development, and communication skills?.... I just feel sometimes my baby is being taken away from me, and i cant stop it. I dont want to fall out with them i just want them to back off.
2006-09-04 07:49:34 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
You have to expect that your family is going to want to hold your baby. The thing you need to do is set boundary's, meaning tell them an acceptable time to come over...then you need to let them love your baby. If they call and ask to come over at any other time, simply tell them that the baby is sleeping and you will be napping as well. Then give them a time that is acceptable.
Take the time that they are with the baby as time for yourself. Go take a bath or just relax. Them loving your baby doesn't have to be a negative thing.
2006-09-04 07:56:12 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean.
I am 37 weeks and my fear is this..ok his mom wants to be in the room and I am worried she only wants to be there to see the baby not to support me. It makes me mad. And I think that she is going to start with the holding the baby and all that right then. I am worried she is going to try to spend time with the baby before I even get too. We already have a five year old and I am so protective of her and the mom in law wouldn't dare try to do anything with her without my permission but...for some reason I keep thinking it will be different with this one.
I don't liek the whole pass around thing either. My plan is to stay home...take the baby every where I go...put it in my room while its napping...and when I feel comforatble to let other hold her then I will. And when I want her back I will just walk over to who ever has her and put my arms out htey will get the picture..
Do the inlaws live with you? If they don't then you just keep the baby with you at all times and if it is sleeping put it in your personal space they won't go into like your room.
2006-09-04 09:24:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you are going to have to do like I did. Grow a backbone and fast! Look at it this way, that is YOUR baby. Your baby is closer to your heart than your inlaws. Also, ask your husband to stand up to them as well. He needs to help you out.
My (now ex) mother-in-law got into an argument with me about the age of my first son. She was telling everyone he was 4 months old. I kept correcting her. She kept on telling everyone. Finally I said, "Look, I was the one in the hospital. I was in Labor. You were in the waiting room. I can count from June 1st to September 10th. That is 3 months - not four." :0) That made my day.
And picking up a baby for no reason is not good for communication or development. (One old wives tale is that a baby needs to fall off a bed before they are one. What? How stupid.) That is their excuse to pick up the baby. Tell them that you don't want your baby getting used to being held all the time. And if they insist on doing it, then you will start calling them at 2 and 3 in the morning for them to come over and hold the baby while you get some sleep.
Also remind then that this is your first child and you are protective. Remind them that they were probably the same with their first child. But you are going to have to stand up to them now because, trust me, they will be telling you what to do from now on if you don't.
Hope that helps!
2006-09-04 07:59:15 · answer #3 · answered by danceteacher 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that YOU ARE THE MOTHER and you want your baby to have all of the family and love in the world but you would like for them to respect you as the mother and to ask before picking your baby up or taking your baby out for a walk. If that doesn't work you can do a couple of things You an forbid them or you could load your car seat in their car take their keys and take your baby for a ride without them or there permission. If they object just say it is good for the baby.
2006-09-04 08:01:05 · answer #4 · answered by BUPPY'S MEME 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my experience, you just have to let them know that you are the parent. Of course it has to be you and your spouse that set the guidelines with both sides of the family. Sit down with your spouse and tell them how you feel and see how they feel. Once you come to a decision together, then you can talk to the people who are doing these things and let them know how you both feel about it. Let them know you don't mind them holding the baby and playing with the baby, but only when it is appropriate. Make sure that before anyone takes the baby out of the house, permission is asked. I hope this can be of help. Good luck!
2006-09-08 04:46:45 · answer #5 · answered by braileysmommy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, it doesn't matter if what they are doing is right or wrong, they need to respect your parenting. This is a battle going on for ages and I know how you feel!!! If you politely say, "I am so happy to have loving and involved grandparents for my child and am very thankful for that and respect your parenting and understand you have done this before and I haven't, but would you please respect me also and do this the way I want to. SHe IS YOUR BABY, not anyone elses and if you are polite and they can't understand that all you want is your baby and this causes a disruption, they will quickly learn that you just won't go to them first for babysitting and trust me, they will hate it and quickly change. Your behavior is completely normal. I was and am very protective of my two children. I am not phyco about it, but am very loving and they will learn to appreciate that are a new parent and a good, concerned and loving parent. Also, just laugh about it and say, Ok, I know, I know, I am being the over protective mom, but I want to keep her next to me right now, if you don't mind. You could always lie and say, she is sick and her pediatrician said not to pass her around today, sorry. You will just have to admire her from afar.
2006-09-04 10:34:55 · answer #6 · answered by wtrmlnqueen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Young mother I know what you are feeling and it would be easy to say that your task is simple but it is not. I don't know all that is involved for example is this their first grandchild or the only girl/boy in the child in the family in a long time. Take this with a grain of salt cause one day you will actually be alone with that child and not able to give it away for a moments peace and rest. Enjoy your rest for now and get your strength up and then rise to the challenge of taking your place as primary caregiver just advise that you would like to be notified in advance before the child is taken out of the house even though you trust them it is still scary and that you would like sometime alone with the child so that you can bond with your child and that a strict schedule will have to be abhorred too for not only your sanity but for the babies peace of mind and safety too. I would suggest that you speak to your husband too before the in laws and set the schedule before you talk to them.
Good luck too you and your new family
2006-09-04 08:05:00 · answer #7 · answered by calmlikeatimebomb 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure a few have gone through this problem, I know I have. I bottled everything up in side for awhile and then *EXPLOSION*. That is your baby and you need to set ground rules. If the baby has just got done eating tell them that they can't pick her up for at least a half of an hour till its digested...(Hopefully she will be sleeping by then:) )...Tell them she needs tummy time or you are trying to keep her on a set schedule..things like that. I am also a parent of 2 girls and I am very protective of my girls to...VERY!! I think if you can be honest with them try it in a nice way....Just tell them you are not trying to be mean but to back off!! And dear god to ask you, before they pick her up, or take her out and away from you...(that is crazy..no one should be touching your baby without asking..I don't care who it is!!) Good luck honey..It will get better!!
2006-09-04 10:00:42 · answer #8 · answered by Jesabel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this their first grandchild? It is obvious they love the baby. Picking the baby up will not be harmful in any way. The baby will know that is is loved. But if it really bothers you then when they start passing the baby around you should go and get the baby and put her in the crib and politely say that you don't want her to be disturbed as it is her nap time. Have yoiur hiusband talk to his folks about this problem. It might come better from him but expect some hurt feelings.
2006-09-04 08:35:07 · answer #9 · answered by Proud to be an American 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very rude and disrespectful of them to not ask permission before they just assume control over your baby. You're going to have to put your foot down. Say something along the lines that you know they love her and want to show her off, but you'd really rather not expose her to so many germs right now since cold season is coming up. If that kind of approach doesn't work, flat out tell them no. I ALWAYS ask before I handle someone's baby. I know how many germs we carry and that an infant doesn't have nearly the resistance to the colds and bacteria that adults do. As a last resort, or even as a first one, have your hubby tell them to back off. Good luck honey, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. And don't feel so bad, I'll have to deal with the same thing when my son is born. He's the inlaws' first grandson. *sigh* I'm in for it I know. ;)
2006-09-04 07:59:03 · answer #10 · answered by jenpeden 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋