My wife recently found about something I did with an ex girlfriend of mine over 10 years ago. I never brought it up but she wanted a straight answer so I told her the truth. now she is mad and deprresed for something that happen a long time ago. The thing is that before we got married she would talk about her past relationships,and I would always tell her to not talk about it because it bothered me and she would say its all in the past.I feel bad that she feels this way but i cant seem to snap her out of it. what should i do?
2006-09-04 07:43:37 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well it all depends on what it is that you did with your ex.Maybe she wanted to be the first one to do that sort of thing with you or maybe she just has a hard time picturing you being that "intimate" with some one else.Its always easier to talk about your own past then to hear about your husbands past.I guess the only thing to do is explain to her that your sorry for bringing it up and show her lots of affection so she knows shes the only one for you.good luck!
2006-09-04 07:48:02 · answer #1 · answered by SusieQ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient. Give her time. Don't argue if possible, just give as much space and see if it dissolves a little. You do have valid points about her bringing up her past and telling you "it's all in the past" but careful how you bring that up. A threatening or belittling "you're a hypocrite" kind of tone will only make it worse, usually.
Time. Time. Time. If she really loves you and this is ACTUALLY the issue, then she'll probably see she should not be mad at you, but that it is normal to feel hurt and recover from that.
Plus, it always stings a little more when you are given your own medicine!
2006-09-04 07:56:36 · answer #2 · answered by kree8iv73 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfourtunately you fell for the age old woman trickery of "Honey you won't be in trouble, just tell me what happened" persuasion. I'm not sure exactly what it is you did (knock up an ex girl or knock her down) but from your point of view there's really nothing you can do. If she has reason to believe that you may "do this thing you did" again, you have to just continue to try to give her reassurance that it will never happen again. That may mean giving up some of the freedom in your life if it will prove to her you "aren't that kind of person anymore", or just giving her that space to decide for herself how to deal with this issue on her own... i'm not really sure what you did, so... just have faith that your marriage can outlive an old memory/old mistake.
2006-09-04 07:54:52 · answer #3 · answered by AudioPhilia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about the incident with you ex. Explain all the details to her, answer her questions. Then tell her you love her and want to be with her and only her. She will respect you for being honest. Then you need to make an agreement that the past is in the past.
2006-09-04 07:52:25 · answer #4 · answered by Donna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this happened to me too my friend and i can understand how it feels like. Just tell your lovely wife "she should be thankful you did all these( don't know what you did actually) before marriage & not after marrying her. now don't tell her directly like this but you are romantic isn't it? So, kiss her on her forehead first caress her then tell her. Keep on caressing her head, the hair women love that. tell her she means everything for you now and that you love only her now and nobody will ever be able to take her place. be romantic man can't u do it for the one you love. be brave and courageous, it's so easy to tackle a woman just be romantic and praise her tell her she is the loviest and the other one wasn't she is. I'll be fine if my husband will do this to me. but he didn't atleast you do it friend. She is not angry with you but she's sad try to understand her. she loves you very much.take care friend bye
2006-09-04 08:02:41 · answer #5 · answered by luck c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it happened before the two of you got together, why is she making such a big deal out of it? There is the possibility it was something you did for this ex that she wants you to do for her; talk to her and get the problem out of her!
2006-09-04 07:47:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
till now I enable you understand what i think of you ought to understand that the relatively variety of human beings she slept with is a minimum of double the quantity she gave you. are you able to deal with that? in all possibility no longer. besides, you assert you're approximately 29 years previous yet you act like a teenage boy. Counting your conquests and letting her sexual history influence you plenty is a undeniable sign of emotional lack of self assurance. the undeniable fact that she had intercourse with a repeat criminal (i assume sexual...? What variety...?) may be the only difficulty i will say you ought to difficulty approximately. Did she understand he grew to become into an criminal? this could be a crimson flag to me if she knew those issues and had intercourse with him besides. i do no longer think of you ought to be dating this female or anybody till you may come to words with your self and start to understand what your expectancies are in a companion. as quickly as you understand that, then date who you sense comfortable with. Or recover from your prejudices. ultimately, you assert your "homies" had intercourse at 12 and 13. One, that's no longer primary habit for a infant, the place have been the parents? 2, have you ever questioned in the event that they have been mendacity? 3, you're hung up on some VERY stupid info. that may no longer the norm, and despite if this is anyplace you're from i ought to verify me and my childrens in no way stay there.
2016-12-18 04:46:31 · answer #7 · answered by euler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her exactly what part of what you told her is bothering her and why. It may not even the major thing you think it is, but some niggledy, piggledy liitle seemingly unimportant thing that she is interpreting as something more major than it is.
2006-09-04 07:50:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife needs to get over it - especially if this was 10 years ago.
2006-09-04 07:46:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you wife should never ask for straight up answers to question, if she can not handle the results...she needs to get over and be thankful that you are still with her
2006-09-04 07:49:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋