after letting my parents meet my so-called-friend (which is really my boyfriend),i still find it even harder to break the news to them.
my folks are a bit of againts interracial relationship because of some reasons...and i think one is the huge cultural differences..
but so far,i find my bf understanding and willing to merge and learn my culture...so am i,on his side...
my folks find him nice and different from the common british guys out there...but still,they are hesitant on the idea...
we want to be honest with my parents...but are both afraid of what might be the outcome..especially now that my dad has spoken of his opinion regarding the matter...
we've known each other for quite sometime before we got together...
it's been only days since we got official but we want to be open with my folks...
need advice! thanks!
2006-09-04 07:40:17 · 13 answers · asked by peek-a-boo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
honestly is the best policy. i would break the news to them softly as possible with the guy there with you to help explain how you two feel as a couple. it helps to have his support, and its harder for your parents to down talk him to his face, so youll have a fighting chance. it would be best if he was man enough to sit beside you facing your dad and ask your dad for his approval to date you. and to explain that he really cares about you and thinks your very special and would like to date you, and would like your fathers approval first. that will earn your fathers respect. tell him to bring your mother a rose and you a rose as well, and to give the rose to your mother, and that will show her that he is a gentleman and thoughtful, and your mother will like that alot. i also suggest him dressing nice as possible and talking like he has some real sense about him. its all up to him actually to win your parents over. and if he cant, then its only because hes not thinking it through first and not trying hard enough. believe me, no family can resist a great guy, no matter what his skin color or race. then it will be up to you to win over his mother and father on your own as well. it helps if you brag a little on him as well, and say how smart he is and how polite he is, and how far he is going to go in life, and name off all his great plans for his future. leave the real "but mom and dad i love him and he loves me" mushy stuff out until you have given them time to get to know him better and get used to the idea first. you have to ease into this, very well thought and carefully. it would also be a nice idea if he would bring your family out for dinner some place nice to talk to them and ask for thier good graces to date their daughter. your father just thinks you diserve the best as his daughter and he doesnt want you making any mistakes. so your boyfriend better show your dad that hes a well diserving guy to have you by his side or other wise your dad will not care what his skin color or race, he wont approve, and could you blame him? he loves you. good luck.
2006-09-04 07:52:00 · answer #1 · answered by succubus_angel_666_777 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe ease into it, causually bring him up more and more in communication with your parents. See where that goes. Tell them, I think I really like him... more than a friend. Any way you can ease into such a sensitive topic will alleviate some of the shock you seem to fear. Ask them how they feel about him... talk about his qualities and why you like him so much. Soon, they'll get the hint or suspect there's more, which will lessen the blow. Once they do get over that cultural hump of differences, one can hope, that bc they love you, they will listen to you and give him a chance. good luck!
2006-09-04 14:44:12 · answer #2 · answered by anonymouswoman 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Over dinner, make sure dad doesn't have a mouthful of anything, just say, "Mum, dad, I'm glad you like Nigle, because we are dating." Stand back and watch the sparks fly!
Go ahead and be honest. You aren't planning on marrying. You just started dating. Be yourself with your parents. You need to know just how deep your dad's "cultural" preferences are before you get your feelings too involved with your friend. If it matters to you so much that you will choose your parents point of view over your own (assuming you are an adult) then you need to know before you get in too deep. So does Nigel!
2006-09-04 14:50:45 · answer #3 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm of Indian descent, and I live in America. Many of the men that I've dated have been white, and my parents were very accepting of it, but I realize that every family is different. If you love him and are serious about pursuing a relationship with him, I encourage you to explain your feelings to your parents. Good luck.
2006-09-04 15:05:57 · answer #4 · answered by Avanti 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could ease nto it. Start bringing him around your parents more so they get to know him. Drop little hints that you are liking him as more than a friend then in about a month you could tell them the truth. Tell your mother 1st, she might understand more and she'll be on your side to help tell your father by then they would have known him as a friend. They may have seen his personality so it may be easier to accept him as ur boyfriend. Go for it.
2006-09-04 14:52:12 · answer #5 · answered by ayanagin 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be honest now. You are respectful to be open & honest. Hopefully, they will welcome the relationship and respect you both. People should not be judgmental based on ethnic background, that is shallow. If they do not accept it. I would politely thell them in private that they need to do some soul searching and see what is wrong in their own hearts. If you are an adult, your happiness should be their best interest. If you are a minor, you must obey your parents, but do not let it change your soul. It is always better to love than to hate.
2006-09-04 14:44:56 · answer #6 · answered by Shayna 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
From a fathers point of view, you are disrespecting the family.
I am not racist, but I do not believe in it either.
However, it is your life.
You must choose rather to live it for you or them.
Be prepared though, they might not go with it, and you might lose them over it.
Is THAT worth it?
It will be unfair of You to expect them to change their opinions just so your happy and hopefully, you are mature enough NOT to even ask them "Be happy for my sake".
You have chosen a hard step in life and will have to live with the decision.
GL
2006-09-04 15:01:20 · answer #7 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went thru the same thing-i am american indian and my wife is filipino-talk about cultural differences here!! anyway, we told her family that we were a couple, which a few were ok with it but a few others were totally against it. it took time and effort, but we took time to learn each others culture and treated each other with respect. today, we are very close. tell them a s early as you feel comfortable with-but expect some negative things said. how ever, once they really see he is good to you and treats them wth respect-it will pass
2006-09-04 14:53:10 · answer #8 · answered by lon d 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to just get it out in the open with your parents, they will understand. If your bf is kind and loving to you your parents will learn to love him too. Good luck!
2006-09-04 14:43:19 · answer #9 · answered by i have no idea 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just be honest with them tell them the truth because in the long run it will be a lot better then to keep it to yourself and they find out about it from someone else it will be better if they hear it from u
2006-09-04 14:44:59 · answer #10 · answered by mrs.jones4life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋