she is in a community college, he works at minimum wage. i feel guilty if i don't give it to her, but then i can't really afford to keep giving her money all the time.
2006-09-04 06:25:36 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
No. She has to learn from her mistakes. If you fund the mistakes, she won't learn.
But later when she does learn, you need to be there for her and help. But only after the lesson sinks in. It's a tough situation, I am sure, but that is why you have to deal with it toughly. My folks bailed out my sister all the time ... today she is 44 and still can't fend for herself. Don't make the mistake I witnessed.
2006-09-04 06:32:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have answered your own question. You can't afford to continue to give her money. So don't. However, if you feel guilty for the baby's sake, perhaps you can do things which directly benefit the baby, such as buying diapers, fomula, or even babysitting.
Also, if your daughter is enrolled in college at least half time, I hope she has looked into financial aid. That could help relieve her financial situation tremendously. Have her talk to her financial aid director at school -- there are federal loans, and perhaps your state has grants to help low income students especially with college expenses.
And what sort of job does her husband do? Is he considering some sort of training so that he can make a better income? I am assuming they are both young, and don't have too much education. Perhaps you can encourage him to undertake some training also, again helping out by occasionally taking care of the baby.
Long story short, this is their responsibility, but if they are working to improve their situation, you can help that way, rather than simply pouring money down the drain.
2006-09-04 13:33:28 · answer #2 · answered by Jehosephat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she is your daughter, her suffering is yours, what hurt hers, hurts you.
But as you say you cannot afford,, then give only what you can afford, sometimes you have to sacrifice for more simply because she is your daughter and you concern more is on your grandchild.
But make sure, her husband donot and should not know that you are giving her money. And tell your daughter about it. And tell her frankly also that you cannot always give her money.
Even then, as a mother you can give her moral support, the least.
2006-09-04 13:32:46 · answer #3 · answered by yulnores 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
absolutely not cut the ties now or you will do it for the rest of your life if they are grown up enough to be married and have children then they should be grown up enough to support themselves a once in awhile thing is not to bad but all the time no way forget it time to get a better job or do without some things I am sure they are able to get state help if she needs money for something go buy that something for her but do notttttttttttttttttt give her the cash
2006-09-04 13:30:55 · answer #4 · answered by do_ya_think_2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain 2 her that u cannot afford it anymore, that u love her n the baby with all ur heart but u cannot financially help out any longer.
also give her the names of the temp. employment agencies in ur area, tell her 2 use them n have hubby use them. I have 2 daughters that work n go 2 school plus take care of their children, its doable.
dont be their crutch unless u plan on being there 4 ever good luck n remember that tough love still means u love them.
2006-09-04 13:39:36 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Geo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont have the money to give then dont. Im sorry you feel guilty but this will definitely bring a range of emotion to you when you decide what is the right thing to do.
2006-09-04 13:33:19 · answer #6 · answered by applelamb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be sure the money you give her is not spent on junk, I would suggest that instead of giving cash that you go to the grocery store and buy food for her and the baby. That way the money is well spent. As to the husband(?) have a little chat with him and just tell him he has to work hardwer to provide for his family.
2006-09-04 13:41:06 · answer #7 · answered by asbratcher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
even though it may be really hard for you, you have to leave it be. seeing as she is in college it won't hurt to give her money now, but once she gets out you have to stop. she needs to live her own life and support herself. that is what life is. when people grow up they can't expect their parents to be their backbone. if she relys on you what will happen when you pass away? ask a professional for help if this really becomes a problem.
2006-09-04 13:34:11 · answer #8 · answered by rachel h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Help in another way...one you can have Qixstar deliver goods to their home. Everything from diapers, formula, paper-goods, food, vitamins. Or prepay the daycare facility the child stays in. Pay
for three months rent where they are staying...but never give them cold cash...they are too young to make good decisions with money...There are ways to help your children...get them going to a solid Bible, Christian based church! Pray before you make your decisions regarding them in any way! Your answer may come in a strange way...through a different channel...but...you have to help them cleave to one-another and wean them off of you!
2006-09-04 13:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is OK to help if she is going to college and you see an end to it. Do not just help to subliment her life style. Make sure she has plan for the future and better life, otherwise let her learn on her own.
2006-09-04 13:41:34 · answer #10 · answered by Dave S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋