I am happily married (11 years) and we haven't been able to have sex in over three months. HELP.?

Question

My husband is very loving and says it has nothing to do with me. He says that even though I am overweight, I still keep thinking it is me... He is working alot and we can't seem to find time together. Or things get in the way all the time. Any ideas how to fix this? Plus, our two year old likes to sleep in our bed which sometimes forces one of us on the couch. I try to "come on" to him sometimes but I get rejected because he is tired or just not in the mood. It seems he controls the whole sex issue in our marrage. He has been taking Enzyte to see if it might help some. I just don't know what to do, we are losing our closeness and intimacy. Could he be contimplating cheating on me or something?

I am on a weight program - I belong to Curves but don't always get to go consistently - I have three children that keep me busy and work full time too. As far as my two year old. I will try going to his bed and waiting for him to go to sleep. We usually wait for him to fall asleep in our bed and move him but some nights he wakes up crying. He just turned two. We just got him out of the crib.

Answer 1

I think maybe your husband is depressed about your situation....
Think about it from his perspective...
He's working hard to support his wife and his child, and he can;t even come home and sleep in his own bed.
Were you overweight when you met and married, or is this something more recent? I personally think that weight isn't the biggest deal, but if it has been a change, maybe it is hard for him. If he loves you he's not going to flat out tell you it's your wieght, so if you think that might be part of the problem, you could work on it. Take walks every morning and every evening with your little one, and your hubby will see that you're making changes.
Also, let the man have his bed back. Two years old is a great time to teach your child to sleep independently.....go online and look up ways to help your little one ease into sleeping alone. Make it your top priority!!! even if it takes some time and some tears, your husband will definitely notice that you are fighting to get things back to being acceptable for a healthy marriage.
Once you have your bedroom back, clean it top to bottom. Move your furniture around, change where the bed is. If you can afford to splurge a little, get some new sheets and pillow cases. (maybe skip the floral prints and get something you think your husband would really like)
If money is and issue, then stick with the cleaning, organizing, and rearranging.
Between working on taking care of yourself, getting your bed back, and making your environment new, your husband will definitely have fresh new look at your situation.
I would also suggest not pushing the sex issue with him... the more you ask, the more he may get used to saying no. Make changes, then see where things go.
Above all....communicate. When you start to make an effort on these things, tell him in your own words that you are doing it because you care about his wants and needs, and you want things to be passionate again for both of you.
Good luck hun.

Answer 2

Keep your child OUT of your bed. The ONE place parents shouldn't have children, is in the marital bed. That belongs to Mom and Dad. Your two year old wouldn't like sleeping in your bed, if they'd never slept there. Big mistake. By the time you get the child sleeping, and then moved into his own bed, the moment has passed. Your weight must be a factor too, or you wouldn't have mentioned it. Which spouse it bothers is immaterial- lose it. I suppose enzyte is OK, but that probably isn't necessary. You two have got to realize that sometimes you are to be lovers, instead of parents. Tough, yup. But absolutely necessary. You CAN find time together, no matter how much you both work. You simply MAKE time. Give up swim class, boy scouts, dance class, or ANYTHING- but make time for just you two. The kids will grow up, and leave, jobs may come and go- but your marriage is until one of you dies. Treat your marriage as the most important thing on Earth. EVERYTHING else comes after it.

Answer 3

It sounds like you have a few issues going on here and not just sex. First off, it seems with couples that there is not only the 7 year itch, but an ll year one, a very difficult time. Trust me, I know from my own marriage, personal experience. I would first say that it is sooooooooo hard when your kids are little and they want usually Mommy or both of you at that age, and you have him/her sleeping in your bed, forcing one of you on the couch. That is definitely not going to help matters. Your 2 year old needs to be comforted but then put back in his/her own bed. I know when you are working during the day, you just want to sleep at night, or be together and you are both so tired, that you can't! It is a very frustrating time. I would say the more open and honest and communicative you and your husband can be, the better things will be in the longrun. It is sometimes a hard phase because of not only how long you've been married, but having a young one, and then working, being tired, etc. Has your husband given you any reason to think that he may be cheating on you? That you have reason to think already that he is? From what you said, he has said no, and if you have trust in him, and in yourself, your marriage, then I would go with the daily factors affecting your life. I would try to make the time for one another. Set aside a day or night that is good for you, at least every week or every other week. Your "couple time" and get a babysitter(family member would be best but I don't know again all of your circumstances)and spend some quality time together. It may enhance the mood..........you both sound like you need a rest, a break which will then help yourselves and your sex lives. Just know that there are thousands of people going through this, finding too much stress, too much to do and not enough time nor energy to do it all!!! I think if you guys can have the time, and communicate, and go back to why you met, how you met, what you saw in one another and choose something special, just for the two of you. It doesn't have to be big, sometimes just a picnic in the park, or to the beach, and rekindle that romance, that flame. Do it now and keep on doing it, it may take work but it'll be well worth it!!!Also, maybe both of you want to get a good physical, check your hormones. Yours may be out of whack from having a baby, and his may be low in testosterone, go to a good endocrinologist or a good internist and make sure this isn't an issue!!! Good luck! Hang in there!!! : )

Answer 4

I guess it's been established that it's time for the baby to go out of your bed.

Having children and change in body types can have an effect on the marraige, mostly though the pressure of the changing circumstances become a lot for a person to handle. Men often feel replaced by the children in the woman's life. Having a small person in his bed at night isn't going to help intimacy.

Yes, you should work on yourself as much as possible but don't make him feel inadequate about his inability to perform. He's trying by taking male enhancements and when he is ready he will come to you.

He may be having an affair but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. There are so many different reasons for a man to withdraw sexually and despite popular belief systems they are not machines who are always ready.

I would suggest that you sit to talk with him and decide between the two of you to MAKE time to be together and try to pinpoint the issues keeping you from finding intimacy. Also remember intimacy is not just sex, it's rubbing his shoulders and putting him first sometimes. Yes, even before the kids at times.

Answer 5

1) Get the child out of your bed...that is not healthy for the baby...he may cry a night or two, but reassure him you are right next door, nothing is going to happen to him, and leave it at that. He will get over it, but not if you are inconsistent.
2) Your husband is in control of the love making for a good reason..he is the one that has to get it up. Show him he doesn't need to do this by himself...there are many ways to achieve what you want, and just kissing around may not be doing it at this point. IF he has failed at maintaining an erection, he may have some growing issues about himself...be very careful here, damage can be done that will last a lifetime.
3) get your husband on some vit. B12 daily. That will give things a boost.
4) Be affectionate without being pushy. All marriages go through some hard times in this department....be patient and things will come up again.
5) I doubt if he is stepping out on you. But..get rid of the wieght ASAP...only you can control your body. I know this sounds shallow, but your weight is affecting how you feel about yourself...not good.
6) IF your husband is experiencing ED (it can come on quickly), he has avenues that work great to get rid of the problem...YOU and HE need to have some REALLY brutally blunt conversations about this problem. IF he is in denial, he is a fool and nothing is going to get better. IF he has any questions that he would prefer to take up with someone who is really knowlegable in this area, have him write me an email. I have many anwers for him that will be kept between him and me. Good luck

Answer 6

First of all, get your 2 year old into her own bed. If she is use to having you there, you go to her bed until she falls asleep. If she wakes up in the middle of the night, take her back to her own bed.

Second, if you feel you are over weight, start a diet and exercise program. Part of feeling like a sexy woman is feeling good about yourself. It seems to me that you don't.

You should start trying to spend some quality time with your husband without the expectation of sex. Do you remember how great you felt when you started dating? Just to hold hands or to hug? Get to that time again. You'll be amazed at the results.

Good luck!

Answer 7

It seems everybody is blaming the baby for the husbands inability to have sex with the wife.
Well you americans do that..
We do not,, babies that age will not hamper with our sex life even if they will sleep with us untill they are 6 yrs old.
The reason here is the overworked husband and the overwork and overweight wife and not the child to blame..

And this has happend to every married couple at this stage, 10 to 15 years, most of those who cannot cope up with the problem eventually break up and separated.

But this should not be the case. Sex alone is not enough for you to loose all the love you have when you were still not married.

But if you think as you say he controls the sex issue, you can at least talk it over with him and then ask him to buy you a sex toy, so that he can use it on you if he donot have the capability or you can use it yourself in front of him.

Either way, this will help to lessen the sexual tension.
But always remember, this happens at this stage in your married life..

Do not blame the child as everybody here who have answered before me, believed.
The Child is innocent of all the things that is happening in your life..Why blame her..

Answer 8

First of all get your 2 year old out of you and your husbands bed and put child in his/her own bed.

If you can do than then you two sleep on the couch together.

If you not sleeping together your not being close as you can. How do you expect him or you to get a good nights sleep sleeping with a two year old or on the couch.

The answer is in your bed

Answer 9

# 1) Keep the child out of the bed if you're wanting sex.# 2) if you are owerweight diet and exercise,even if you do'nt become (thin) he will notice any improvement. Enzyte is **crap** as an E.D fix and does nothing for desire.Look your best and seduce him just as you would have when you were dating. Keep the pressure to a minimum and focus on persuesion.

Answer 10

First, kick the kid out of your bed. My children have NEVER slept in my bed(and I have 4 ) That is the parents' place.
Find a babysitter and have a night out. Being a parent is stress full. And, remember, you don't need to have sex to be loving and close. You will have sex when thee time is right. And, It will be better than if it is "expected"
By the way, today is my 24th wedding anniversary! Good luck!!