... of my mother concerning the best for my 4 yrs old child, without breaking the relationships with her? She is very hard person, doesn't admit different opinions from hers, acuses me without ground that I'm doing bad things to my child (sending him to daycare, training him the toilet habits (although obstructed by her, this was succesfull), going out with him for over 3 hours (she controls that), training him to eat properly (for now without success, and this problem is partly generated by her, two years ago - every contact with her resulted in: her, feeding him with bottle like a baby, after which he wasn't interested in food for 4 hours). Now she is talking to him that I'm a bad person. We had many fights over the issues of my motherhood. She threatens me with stuff like inheritance etc. She even doesn't have nerves to take care of my child for more than 15 minutes. When he was at their place for more than 1 hour, my father did all the care. But, he won't help me about this issue.
2006-09-04 05:07:36 · 10 answers · asked by Wintermute 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I don' t want to break the relationships because of my father, he is very sensitive man, and believes in compromises and peacefull retirement. I'm 31, well educated, working, with a career.
2006-09-04 05:10:34 · update #1
Oh dear, this is NOT good for you or your child...I am so sorry you have the controlling biotch from hell for a mother, and that is exactly what she is! Make no mistake about it. She may be trying to be a mother that she never was...but it makes no difference now...YOU are the mother, and your actions are in line! Inheritence or no, break all communications with this woman immediately for a time...call her, but that is it....do not let her around your baby, she is intentionally undermining you at every turn...does she dislike you? It sounds as if she does. I would talk to your father and tell him what you have to do, but DO IT NOW! Again, I am sorry for you, but you have plenty of backbone..use it. Good luck
2006-09-04 05:12:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were in your shoes I would first start out by asking her to sit down for a heart-to-heart. Tell her that you know she means well by offering her help and suggestions on how to raise your child, but that you would prefer that she respect and trust your decisions when it comes to his care. Tell her that this, in turn, shows trust and respect for you, and in your abilities as an adult.
Just try to lay it all out there in positive terms, focusing on your own feelings, and not on her actions. Try to keep things focused on YOU, not on her. Use the term "I." If you use the terms of "you" it will likely put her on the defensive, and you will not get anywhere with that. She will just be resentful.
If this doesn't work then I would limit the time that the child spends in her care. Then when the child is in her care, I would make sure that it is a time when you can be there, too.
2006-09-04 05:49:12 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, wintermut! You have a painful problem! The only way I see, with all my experience, is to get council with a family therapist, then try to get your mother to have therapy. One can see that she had problems during her infancy and this makes her suffer very much. I believe that you have suffered with her too, but it looks like you have resolved it, at least partially. But you should find a way for her not to be alone with your kid a long time. You have to impose LIMITS to her! Try to read a very good book, written by two psychologists, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Towsend, called LIMITS. By helping your mother this way, you will be doing a tremendous favor to her, to your father, to you and to your child! God bless you!
2006-09-04 05:22:35 · answer #3 · answered by Vovó (Grandma) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had this issue for 26 years. The best thing is the hardest: cut your mother off for a time (a year or two). Have no contact with her to establish your independence of her. Then when YOU are ready, re-establish contact.
2006-09-04 05:12:44 · answer #4 · answered by lilmissj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are going to have to say look mum this is my child you,ve brought up your children but now it,s time for me to do the same you did a great job all you have to do is just help now and then you make a great grandparent i can make a good parent to but if you keep on interupting me my child will not take any notice of me when he gets older and i,ll have problems that could be difficult to resolve so please take a back seat and advise me when you think i,m going wrong but you must let my maternal instincts work for themselves hope this helps good luck
2006-09-04 05:18:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ask her... Mom, you did a good job raising me, right? Well, let me raise my child in the same fashion. Even if you don't agree, those are my mistakes to make and I will learn from those mistakes. Just be there for me when I need affirmation.
Have a great day!!!
2006-09-04 05:11:17 · answer #6 · answered by Coo coo achoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you want to be the best mother you can and you would love it if you can take care of the 4 year old yourself..And if you have any questions you will ask here for answers.
2006-09-04 05:10:12 · answer #7 · answered by Male Sicilian Trauma Nurse 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not controlling it is downright vindictive.
Although it will be hard you must lessen the amount of time you have your child with her.
Speak to both parents and tell them your child ,their grandchild.
It is destructive to the relationships all round if child is subjected to this sort of thing
.
2006-09-04 05:15:33 · answer #8 · answered by witchfromoz2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that is your child and you love her but if she wants a kid of her own to have one. She can not raise your kid and tell you that your doing a bad job when your doing the best you can do.
2006-09-04 05:11:36 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel Bitchface 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her and explain to her that hes your child and not hers
2006-09-04 05:08:57 · answer #10 · answered by hey! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋