How To Deal With My Mum????????????

Question

I need some advice on how to deal with my mum, she is great and i love her to bits but she is taking over. My daughter is 11weeks old and i sometimes feel like she isnt mine when my mums about. First of all bout 4weeks ago my daughter was really holding on to her wind after a feed it was getting harder to get it up so i began giving her a wee drop infacol b4 a feed, worked a treat she went to my mums for an hour n my mum decided she knew better and used gripe water instead, then last wednesday my mum took her for a couple of hours only to bring her home later that day telling me she knew id b raging but she had to put custard in her bottle as she was starving and how she has bn great since etc etc i feel like i hav no control over wot happens when she goes to my mums, and all i ever hear frm her is "iv had a child of my own dina im not stupid" my daughter is far from starved she has always gained a good few ounce every week n my h.v is happy what can I do to make her stop taking over

Answer 1

You poor thing, but haven't we all had this at some time with our own mothers, but shes you baby not hers, as for giving her custard... OMG, I would have hit the roof, whats happened to no cows milk and eggs.....
You really need to sit her down, when you daughter is asleep and have a honest chat with her, tell her how grateful you are and how wise she is, but point out the changes, they used to put a nip of whiskey is bottles to make baby sleep, now we wouldn't dream of it, its the same with feeding infants, show her the medical reserch on allergies and how they can be brought on by milk eggs and gulten given when the babys insides are not developed enough to cope with them, pointing out that you want the best for your baby and don't want to risk anything, have a word with your Dad, (always worked with me), or even take her to the baby clinic with you and ask the nurse there about the custard (play dunb) so you mother can hear it from someone else... if that don't work you may have to resort to not leaving your daughter with her untill you feel comfortable that she can resect you and your wishes as a mother in your own right.

Good Luck, it's not going to be easy, but she is your baby not your mothers. x

Answer 2

Oh my god! I can't believe your Mum gave your baby custard. Babies are not equipped to deal with anything like that so young and shouldn't have cows milk until they are at least 12 months, she could have had an allergic reaction depending what was in it. I'm a gripe water fan myself so although it might be annoying that isn't going to do any harm. If you have your daughter on a routine (which I hope you do) you should try writing this down for your Mum for when she looks after your little one and explain that if she gets off her routine it messes her up for the next day or two. Also ALWAYS make sure that you leave her a bottle of formula or breast milk even if she isn't due a feed. Remember that this is your baby, you carried her for 9 months and you know her better than anyone, listen to advice but don't follow it if you don't feel it's right. If your Mum can't accept the subtle approach then you will have to sit down and talk to her about it. The most important thing is that you do what you feel is right for your child, it's your job to protect her. (My daughter is 12 weeks and I've had the same problem with my M.I.L) Good luck!

Answer 3

I think what your going through with your Mum is normal. Its a real power struggle because your mum has probally been "in charge" for years and years and your new position threatens hers big time.

Also things have really changed from the 70s and 80s in childcare but CUSTARD in a bottle is she mad? Maybe you should point out, to her, that your not stupid either and she needs to respect you as a new mum. Shes broken your trust and needs to know its not acceptable.

This is a battle I too have had and still have with both my mother in law and my own Dear old Mum. Everyone has advice when you have a child. Listen to your own inner voice and ignore the advice you don t like.

Your Mother has disrespected you bigtime by giving your child something that she knows will make you angry and then making a point of TELLING you what shes done. (don t Mums who want the best keep it to themselves?) She is almost screaming at you "What are you going to do about it?"

I think I would say calmly that she has to respect you or you won t be able to leave your baby with her. Mean it and let her sweat for a few days! If she behaves like a stroppy teenager treat her like one! You have all the power now! The baby is yours! Be tough because this is a battle you have to win. When shes nice be nice back when shes awful withdraw. Good luck. My eldest child is now 7 years and I hope I will remember to respect my children as parents.

Answer 4

Talk to her about it and how you feel and tell her that if she can't agree to do things your way then she will not be able to have your daughter on her own. You know your daughter best and you know what is right for her. Stand your ground and don't let your mother take control. Just because she's done it before doesn't mean she is right. Ask for your mums advice when you need to but ultimately the decision on how your daughter is brought up is yours and your partners.

Good luck

Answer 5

I really do feel for you. I had this problem with my mother in law, at first I was really nice but it came to the point where she would just 'pop in' at 7.30am! After a few choice words this soon stopped! Anyway, my advise is just say to her thanks for the advise but I want to do it my way. If there was any problem your health visitor or midwife would pick up on it very quickly. Dont forget it is your baby and part of being a mother is learning as you go. However much your mum thinks it only you will know what your baby really wants and needs. Good luck x x

Answer 6

Talk to her when the baby has gone down for a nap, tell her how you feel. If the worst comes to the worst then you should leave your child with your mother less! YOU are the Mum now, take the rains and put your foot down if it truly bothers you, but you may just learn a thing or two from your Mum yet.

Answer 7

Ahh, this is tough. Sounds like your mum still sees you as a child up to a certain degree.
There is only one way to deal with this postively and that is to communicate. There is no other way, you need to sit down and tell her how she makes you feel. Remind her that you are now a mum yourself and you need to be free to make the decisions about how you raise her. If that doensnt get you anywhere, just tell her that its either your way or no way.
To be honest, this is a very common problem that new mums experience and I wouldn't worry to much over it, just reinforce your the boss here. Good luck

Answer 8

If you have a real problem with how your mother treats your daughter, you need to stop relying on her for childcare. Otherwise, you will need to accept that she is a mother too, has done it all before, and the child is coming to no harm with her, so let her do it her way. If she goes against anything really serious, like giving medicine to make her go to sleep or something, then you need to have more firm words with her. Thus far, it looks like she's understanding what you want, but just can't live it to your standards all the time.

Answer 9

Very kindly sit her down and say you appreciate she is a wealth of knowledge but you need to learn and get to know your own daughter. Tell her you will always want her help but please can she let you prove to her you can do this alone. Maybe she is worried that now her daughter is grown up and has a baby of her own that she is no longer needed. This could be why she is behaving this way, she needs to be needed and is trying to prove to you how invaluable she is. You really should speak with her before it gets worse and you fall out, good luck xx

Answer 10

Firstly tell your mum you love and respect her as you know she's just trying to help!
However talk to her as it could get worse so let her now that this is your baby and your the one to make the decisions on anything to do with your daughter and she needs to respect that but if you want some advice you will ask her